Best Friends & In Love, But..........

[Sweet Sad Soul]

Hi there everyone. I am new to this and I need to get some stuff of my chest and some advice would be nice as well. Be gently though

 

Well there it goes. I have known the guy I live with, for 16 years. We have been best friends for a little over two years and well not long after that we also started sleeping with each other. He was 24 and a virgin and I was 21 and was not. Well things were wonderful when we brought our relationship to the next level. He truly is my best friend. We talk about every thing. He is very good to me, he is honest to a fault and takes care of me. There are a millions things I could tell you about him that makes him such a nice and wonderful guy.

 

My problem is this: for years before we slept together, since he was a virgin, he resorted to internet porn and such to get his "release". Well I believe that he may have gotten addicted to that. Not to mention that the things you watch in porno's and see on the internet, some of them are outrageous. I will say that I am open to try things when it comes to sex but I do not want more than me and him in the bedroom if you know what I mean. Well since I am the only person he has ever "been with", he is now wondering what it would be like to "be with" someone else!!! He hasn't acted on it and he may never. He knows that it hurts me to even think about it. I don't know what to do. I find that I have gotten really jealous since I learned of this and its like I am trying to make sure that it dosen't happen. He tells me that he loves me more than anything in the world and never wants to hurt me. He may never do anything with anyone else but believe it or not I actually feel bad that if he dosent' do something that he will always wonder and resent me because of it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him but sometimes I think maybe it would be best to just be friends for a while and just see what happens. I am so in love with him and I love him more than anything and I tressure our friendship and love. I would never want to lose it. PLEASE help me! I feel that I will push him away for being jealous now. Can someone give me some advice?

Please be gentle

 

Thanks for reading this!

[JGsGirl]

First, you should have thought about the affect the "sexual" part of your relationship would affect your friend part of the relationship before you slept with him, knowing he was a virgin. I think honestly, if you two are as close and open as you say you are than you should be honest with him and tell him your feelings and your concerns... Seems to me if this goes on your eventually going to push him away, if you don't open up and tell him how you feel.... Does that make sense? Just stay true to your heart and things will fall into place....

 

Good luck!

[Sweet Sad Soul]

Thanks JG's Girl,

I have talked to him about how all of this makes me feel. Thats when he tells me that he loves me more than anything and never wants to hurt me. He says that he dosen't want to be on an emotional level with anyone else, he just wonders what it would be like to sleep with someone else. I can understand how he could feel that way and I appreciate his honesty. I do fear that I will end up pushing him away but I am scared that one day he will actually do something and I don't know that I could carry on with him if that happened. I don't know how to stop worrying so much and not punish him when he hasn't done anything. Every time he goes out with the guys, I think to myself well this could be it. I dont' know if I should continue to be in the relationship this deeply with him or try to be just friends. We do have a bond that is magical, deep, loving and true and I don't want to lose it. But what am I to do?

[mike-e-mike]

Hi sweet sad soul let me talk from experience. My ex-girlfriend and I were eachothers first sexual partners and we were together for few years, eventually she left me and now she has slept with other people. When I heard about that i was seriously hurt because it was a big deal that we had only ever known eachother, and i couldn't believe that she could want anyone but me because I didn't want anyone but her. But my point is it was something that was going to happen one day, and if only I had stopped to think about that...before it became such a big deal to me. I dont mean think about that after i found out she had slept around i mean think about that before i placed lots of importance on it.

 

I'd like to say its not important because essentially to me it is, but to society and thereforeeee the sheep-like masses having sex with strangers and building up a large list of partners is what people do now. It doesn't mean its for me and for you but some people feel they are missing out if they aren't a part of this life. So yeah try not to get too hung up on it, because it probably isnt a matter of if but when...

 

Im sorry if i sound dismal but im just trying to say one day he will probably be with someone else but for now he is with you. As long as you both know you are with eachother and only eachother you should give him your trust, unless he has given you reason not to in the past. Don't let it get to you like i let it get to me.

 

Hope you can be happy im sorry if i dont help