Help!!! She lied to me but she admitted..I'm trying to understand her.. right or not?

[devast]

Ok... History: I just had a break-up 6 months ago, I felt cheated by this woman so I am in full NC 3 months now. I met this new woman 3 months ago, didn't took a long walk, 4 days acquaintance she became my girlfriend.

 

This new woman, is a muslim BTW, I am Christian (not a problem to both of us). She had a rocky childhood and past. Her mother and father separated when she was young. Her mother cheated on her father twice. Their parents lived their own lives, like their children didn't exist. None of her parents took anyone of them when they separated. So her sister, brother and her grew up separately from relative's houses, although they see each other.

 

She had been married before, with one kid... They divorced and she had a boyfriend after that who is a foreigner to their country, he travels a lot and went on to cutting contact to her every once in a while.

 

She met me she became my girlfriend. She told me the story above bit by bit along the way. I am a foreginer to their country btw.

 

Lied 1: She told me the last time her ex bf contacted her, was last year... I found out when we opened her email.. they contacted just this january...So I thought what the hell, she's with me and she promised me she will never talk to him anymore. I don't think its a big deal.

 

Lied 2: I asked her the other day to open her email. I saw her ex bf email but when I went to her sent items, she replied to him. She told him she gave up waiting for him. She didn't mentioned me. Although there was this one night when an unknown number was calling her, she asked me to answer it because she knows it is her ex bf. She lied about not contacting her ex bf when almost everyday I ask her if her ex bf sent her a call or email, and if she answered. She always say no.

 

Lied 3: From the above story of her life, she opened up to me her secret last night. What? she was "actually" married twice already. Not just once. She was married to whom she told me her first bf, for four years. The guy was older to her by 10 yrs, she was 16 yrs old at that time. In their country woman at 16 can legally be married. According to her they divorced because the guy took her for granted, got another woman pregnant and she also cheated on him (she's not sure who of them did the cheating first).

 

 

So I am trying to understande her, that's my problem. On lie 1 & 2, I can bear with it not to really bother me. Its ok because, she told him she gave up on him, that's all. A short message.

 

But the third is worrying me. She had been married twice. Divorced twice. I am trying to understand her that its not her fault. So what if she got married and divorced twice, she had bad choices before. Her ex husbands were stupid and idiots. Although I can assure that her 2nd ex husband is crazy stupid, because he keeps calling her and sending her messages and calling her names and saying bad words. However,I am worried about her first marriage. She said to me the guy cheated on her. She cheated on him. SHe always have reasons why they got divorced. I am trying to understand her if she ever cheated on her first marriage, because she was too young, first bf, she married immediately. I am thinking she was just looking for a father figure that time. Someone who will take care of her like a parent, that's she fell for someone 10 yrs older than her.

 

This is my problem. I am trying to rationalize about her rocky past and background. I am not perfect as well, I had the same failures with her especially with relationships. I kept attracting woman who will hurt me in the end. I also have a kid but I am not married, I also got in a domestic relationship twice but I can't married because they end up cheating on me. So I feel like the only difference between my new gf and me, is that I am a man and I don't get pregnant and my parents were not separated. My mother never cheated on my father even if my father worked all our lives in a far place, like we grew up without a father.

 

I am confused and trying to rationalize her situation. ANd I am trying to appreciate her for still looking decent and respectable despite her rocky past. She still knows how to handle herself.

 

But I am too afraid if ever I would marry her. I have invested feelings for her already, and I like her. But I am worried about the future for me or for both of us, whilst a family. I want to have happy family who will be forever intact.

 

Sorry if it is long but I hope I could get some insights or views. If ever I should go about continuing our relationship.

[ghost69]

you are not overanlyzing. you aren't analyzing this enough.

 

the main thing that stuck out in this thread was that she had an email saying she is through waiting for him. (her ex). wth. that is messed up. this is while you were together? so you were a pawn. that is bs. that says to me that she could have left you at the drop of a dime if he said come back.

 

maybe i missed it, but how old is this girl?

[drewciouS281]

I completely Agree with ghost. Sounds like you might just be a failsafe BF