Help! How do i deal with this situation???

[EllisBreaks]

Hey all,

 

I am hoping to get some insight here on my situation.

 

My bf and I of three years just recently broke up and are now trying to work things out. We have a very rocky past, and I have trust issues because before we were serious, in the beginning. He cheated. His reason, was that he felt he didn't belong to anyone, and that he wasn't commited to me. I felt differently, as i do with all relationships, I remain monnogumous and so i consider what he done to be cheating.

 

Anyway, there were issues with his ex, I didn't like them being friends because she was the one that he cheated on me with, and we had broken up over this friendship in the past.

 

So, we are now trying to work things out, but the thing is, I have his email password, and he doens't know it. He has sworn to me, and looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me about having any contact with her, he says he hasn't contacted her, because I can't handle their friendship.... But little does he know that I have his password and have seen that they've been calling eachother and emailing since he's moved out.

 

The thing that irks me, is the other day he was looking for something of his in my room and stumbled upon an OLD note from my ex that i had no idea was there, and he was upset about it. He said "no, I just don't like double standards is all" So I threw it away in front of him and said no biggie hon, it's gone. Sorry you had to find it.

 

There was a forum, that i used to frequent, one such as this, and he hated me being on there. He asked me to stop going there, so i have. He asks me almost every other day if i have been posting on there or if i've made up a new username. I haven't...... HE HATES DOUBLE STANDARDS?? My oh my how can this be? He asks that i don't do something, but he lies to my face about contact with his ex.

 

This really hurts me. It hurts to know that he can lie to me, and take something away from me such as that forum, but the horrible thing is, I dont know what to do about it.

 

Any advice on how to handle this? How can I get him to come clean with out spilling that i have his password? How do i hide my hurt feelings from him tonight?

 

In the last email, it sounded as if he was trying to get her to spill on her feelings. The one before she basically said her life was great. He called the email nondescript. The asked how "the real" her was... what's that suppsed to mean?

[talo]

You say you are trying to work things out. You have worked them out haven't you. He says he isn't lying and he is. What else is there to work out?

[panchala23]

THe lying could be because there isnt really anything going on and he doesnt want to hurt you as well. You never know what is really going on. Either way, stop checking his email....i have learned that the hard way lately. NOTHING good will come of it.

[EllisBreaks]

You say you are trying to work things out. You have worked them out haven't you. He says he isn't lying and he is. What else is there to work out?

 

Well, it's not that easy. I'm pregnant with his child, we have 3 years behind us, and I seriously don't think that anything is going on between these two, it's just that he's lying about it. How do i know he's not lying about other things also? That's what bugs me.

 

THe lying could be because there isnt really anything going on and he doesnt want to hurt you as well. You never know what is really going on. Either way, stop checking his email....i have learned that the hard way lately. NOTHING good will come of it.

 

I can't help myself. I keep checking it, and she has written, what kind of approach can i take to get him to fess up? Or to get him to stop??

[megno07]

HI from experience when he finds out that you have been snooping things will be far far worse than you think they are right now. I did the same thing to my EX by putting a keylogger on our putter....it ruined alot of things especially the trust....you just have to wait for him to fess or either just give it up.

[panchala23]

You cant MAKE him do anything. THat is why checking the email was bad. I know how hard it is to stop. I foudn stuff I shoudlnt see as well when i checked, its just not good.

[CrapAtNC]

We are not meant to know everything. Don't read the emails.