I snooped and found out

[buffalosoldier]

Hello,

well,here i am again.i was posting a couple of days ago on some problems ive been having with my boyfriend,the post was 'please help i cant stop crying' if you want to read in detail what it was all about.

so i thought my boyfriend didnt care about me and that i basically felt like he wasnt giving me 100% of himself and it looked like he was hiding something.

i went through his phone the other night and found that he had called his ex girlfriend about two weeks ago.before you say,yes i know i shouldnt have been snooping and was wrong for that.thing is,i would feel guilty if i hadnt of found anything,but the fact is,i did.we have had troubles with his ex in previous months,something i didnt mention in my other post,with them emailing each other saying that they missed each other and stuff and that my bf wanted to finish with me etc.anyway a couple of weeks later i finished with him and told him what id found.well what could he say to that?no getting out of that one.i also came round his house once to find them stood outside his house talking and he made up some excuse,but we finished that time aswell.

i thought we had got past all this crap with his ex,but obviously not.it was her birthday around the time he called her,so that might have been all it was,a birthday wish.still it doesnt stop my insecurities.i kept telling myself it was nothing to get so worked up about,but it has just added to our problems.i texted him the other night and told him that i didnt think we communicated properly any more and wasnt sure if he really cared about me.no reassurance,all i got was'what brought this on?why fix something that aint broken?' all well and true and i believed it until i found out that he's obviously been sniffing around his ex again.

am i being blind?i just dont see why they cant leave each other alone,they're both in relationships now.one night when me and my bf were out we were both drunk and some stuff started coming out about his ex,he told me he didnt care about her and was devoted to me now.he was drunk,am i supposed to believe this?thing is i had no problem trusting them to be 'friends' before they decided to decieve me.

i am an insecure and jelous person and i know that,im trying to stop it but how can i when he's not exactly helping me? this relationship is making me miserable, i love him to bits but i cant get the thought of those two out of my head,and every time i try to talk to him seriously he makes out like im being insecure etc.i wish he loved me the way i love him,and i personally think that the only reason he is in this relationship is coz he knows he cant have his ex and he's getting regular sex and has someone there.am i right in thinking he wouldnt finish with me coz he wouldnt want to be lonely?i know he hates being on his own so this is why i say this.

its making me sick to my stomach and very upset.i dont know what to do,everyone tells me to finish with him,but i havent got the guts,and if i do,hes gonna want a reason.i dont want to tell him ive been snooping again.does this whole thing sound forgivable? why is he and his ex still speaking to each other?yeh they could be friends but cant they both move on,do they not realise what this is doing to me?we've already split up twice coz of his ex,and he never really makes any effort to say he cares about me,and is obviously keeping this whole 'friendship' crap with his ex a secret.why,if he has nothing to hide would he be doing this?

sorry for the long post,please help me if you can i dont know what to do.

i cant go on knowing that hes still talking to her after all thats happened,its driving me nuts. help.

[Shyguy24]

Hmm this is a very tricky situation okay the following are your options

 

How much is he investing in this relationship I mean does he make the same effort as you or do you think you are always making the extra effort

 

If you are making all the effort then dump him and move on for the simple reason he not really bothered.

 

Does he know that him seeing his ex , cause s you pain and has he discussed with you what his plans are regarding her ..as does he want to be friends with her or something else

 

This point is very important because if someone cares about you and knows that something would hurt you they would not do that thing and if they did they would not hide it.

 

As for you talking with him and he thinking you are being insecure bullshit …if he said that to you dump his sorry ass not worth it after all If a person dosent care about the fact that you are very fond of him then he/she not worth it …look it this way how long would it last …a year 6 mnths …forget it not worth the trouble

 

Another thing is that you have to be brave and strong enough to be realistic about a relationship , look at this way say these are my standards and this is how I want to be treated and if you cant handle that then to hell with you

 

Hey if u want a choclate cake why settle for a cookie ..not the same thing ..u can compromise with half a cake but not a cookie.

 

Cause that cookie will never turn into a cake

 

Take care sweets pm me anytime ! and thanks for ur advise on my ques

[buffalosoldier]

i think if im being brutally honest that i need to get on and have it out with him one way or another,and no matter how much advice people give me,ive gotta do this on my own,which is what is so frightening.its frightening because i love him,and things could have been really good between us,i know they could have.if he still feels for his ex or doesnt really want to be with me,why doesnt he just say something?it would probably be exactly what i needed to move forward if he just had the decency to be honest.i cant stand this,i know if i finish it then it will be for good this time,no turning back..i think that i am putting more effort into the relationship,i know people express love in different ways but come on theres gotta be at least one way that we express it similarly hasnt there!

he hasnt discussed anything with me concerning his ex,we tend not to talk about her.he has said that he will be there for her if shes upset but thats it.how the hell can i believe this though?i mean he didnt tell me he'd rang her and i can predict what he would say to that...'i knew it would pi*s you off and besides its not a big deal' or something to that effect.

i know there must be someone better for me out there,someone that will be prepared to at least try and give me what i want..your right ive tryed to lower my standards as much as possible in order to make our relationship easier and less arguments..well less arguments and no love.

thanks for your advice,not sure im looking forward to telling him how i know hes been in contact with his ex.any suggestions or am i going to have to ride this one out?