to break up or to stay together

[mskc0511]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years. We onlyhave a few issues yet, they always seem to be coming from me. Is it me? I dont know what to think. I have known him for over four years and we started going out at the end of his senior year in High School. Now that we go to separate colleges I dont see him but for at most once a week. He is very shy sometimes and keeps to himself and gets quiet when he gets upset. So most of the time we never get anything solved. I love him to death... but for some reason I always have something lurking in the back of my mind telling me that I need to break up with him. I know that it would hurt him as well as I too much if I did that. It always seems like I am unhappy or complaining about somethink in our relationship. He never says anything that he feels is wrong with our relationship because he says that I am too "sensitive". I dont know what he is talking about. Sometimes I wish that he was a little more sensitive. We have got to the point to which we argue about something wheter large or small at least 3 times a week. And it always comes down to the same thing. I dont want to break up with him...ummm... but at the same time I sometimes think that it would be in the best interest for me and him so we would have room and time to grow without each other in our lives.What should I do... stay with him and continue to try to find ways to work it out... take a break...or offically break up? THanks ... a woman in need

[enadevoli]

would you be happier without him? if you are always complaining about your relationship & unhappy with how its going, then it could be best to break up for at least a little while. I think first you should talk to him about this. You really should solve the problems you have with each other instead of just leaving them unsloved. in relationships, you need to try to understand where the other person is coming from instead of just getting upset about it & not talking about it.

[beagle]

I agree - I think you will both have to try and work this out first. If you tell him that part of you tells you that you want to leave, he'll listen. Then it's up to both of you to resolve this. It sounds like it is also up to you to figure out what you really want in life - the current situation is clearly not good and you need to commit to one path or the other.

 

Don't make any mistake about it though - you should only be sure before you leave him if you're not sure. There's no guarantee that what you walk away from will still be there if you decide to come back - people don't switch on and off like that.

[closer_nin]

Look, think first of all what a relationship means to you. Then think about what love really means to you. Then think about why you are even asking this question. Ok. Ready. First of all, if you really really really love this guy then I believe that you shouldn't even be thinking about letting him go. If you like to let him go, then let him go. Every relationship has problems, it sounds to me like you might have different motives here, or are just looking for an excuse to break up with him. If you want to break up for him because the arguments really bother you, then just break up. You say you think that you need your space to grow and so does he. Being at separate colleges allows you to do this, especially since you see each other once a week at most. So I really don't understand... hmmm we spend 6 days apart and 1 day together and you can't grow independently? Sounds a little odd. If you are arguing about things that are small, then it might be telling you about something that is lurking in your mind, which you probably know but are afraid to say or really admit. Don't waste your time and his. If you love him for real, then work on it and don't argue - talk about it. I think you know what is really bothering you and you need to tell him regardless of how he is going to feel. You need to do what is best for you at this point. Good luck