Obsession?

[marloborolights]

Have you ever had feelings for someone that have turned into some sort of obsession?

 

Bit of background, long story short; I've fallen for one of my best mates, but I can't figure out if he's gay or straight. It's messing with my head and there's a lot of mixed signals involved between the two of us. I also think that lust may be playing a big part in it. I had my car written off last week, so I've been getting the train to college with him everyday. But the thing is, he has a railpass, and I don't. Which means that I'm paying £7.50 everyday just to get to college, and spend an hour or so with him, when I could be getting the bus, which costs considerably less at £2.50 for a return ticket. Stupid, isn't it?

 

My reason for it is that we only have 2 weeks left at college, and that's the only time I see him, and I really want to get to know him better and hopefully get closer to my main question of 'gay or straight?'.

 

It's not just this though, I'm finding myself doing other things which to my standards are just weird. We do different courses at college, which means we're actually due in at completely different times to each other every day. But instead of just going in when my lessons are, I'm getting up earlier to go in with him, and staying behind late to catch the train home with him. How screwed up? I think i can safely say that if some random person was doing that to/for me then I'd be pretty freaked out about it. (Not that I'm a 'random person' as such, as we are actually friends), but still. Obviously if we were actually an item then it'd be a different story and not so weird, but we're not.

 

Also, I'm finding myself thinking thoughts that where probability has it, are never gonna happen. Just things like imagining us as a couple and stuff.

 

My main reason for posting this was just to get it off my chest and get some feedback/opinions/experiences from people.

 

So feel free.

[anya1607307555]

hey,

 

well the positive is, you are fully aware of your irrational/inappropriate behaviour. I can be like this, the obsession eating away at you stems from the not knowing, so why not stop feeding it and simplify it all. your behaviour is just prolonging the inevitable, one day you will find out, either way, so raise the issue now and ask him upfront

 

of course, this will bring about a new dilemma, but you can consider your next move, once you have this information. one step at a time

[marloborolights]

hey,

 

well the positive is, you are fully aware of your irrational/inappropriate behaviour. I can be like this, the obsession eating away at you stems from the not knowing, so why not stop feeding it and simplify it all. your behaviour is just prolonging the inevitable, one day you will find out, either way, so raise the issue now and ask him upfront

 

of course, this will bring about a new dilemma, but you can consider your next move, once you have this information. one step at a time

 

thanks for your reply. you say i should ask him upfront but the trouble is i'm not out, to anyone. i'm thinking of coming out to one of my friends in particular but only because i can trust them not to tell anyone else until i'm ready.

 

obviously finding out would more than likely solve the situation but right now i'm not even seeing that as an option to be honest. 'cause as you said it would more than likely create a new dilemma, and that would be a big one.

[anya1607307555]

ok well I hadn't particularly assumed you had 'come out,' personally I don't see a reason why you cant raise the issue regardless. it's common to discuss such issues with friends, isn't it? there are ways and means

 

the way I see it, you have to ultimately decide what you want. I would think focusing on that would be more beneficial to you at this stage. I know whenever I've experienced obsessional type behaviour, it's been a way of avoiding issues I'd rather not deal with. however, in the long run, it simply confuses the issue more. sorry I can't offer better help. I think it's simply a case of asking yourself if you're prepared to deal with the consequences of coming out now, and if you decide against it, to distance yourself from this friend. otherwise you'll just be tortuing yourself

 

good luck