devast Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I just thought of this thread to be a compilation of red flags, warning, alarms or signs that we should take note and learn... and maybe realize what we must do the next time we notice this with our current partner. I've thought that when we and our partner had been together for a long time... we almost know every move, gestures and so on, with each other that we should know every changes we or our partner make... pre-breakup Let me start... - she normally leaves her handphone anywhere in the house when we are together because since we are alerady together then nobody else is going to call or send her a message.. (pre-breakup: she can't put her handphone out of sight, worse is, its always in her hands) - she normally doesn't receive messages from anyone if we are together (Pre-breakup: message alert tone rings often than normal) - she normally waits for the weekend for me (slightly LDR) before she goes shopping, to have me around for advice of what's nice to her (pre-breakup: I will just realized she's wearing new clothes, bag,shoes or accessories... I don't remember her informing me she's going for shopping) - she normally goes home, directly, after work (pre-breakup: she started going out with friends after work, dinner or bar) - I could normally contact her, especially at times that she goes out with friends (occasional mingling with friends) (pre-breakup: she drains battery often, and more often during the times that she's out with friends and SMS me when she's already home, worst is the following day instead and her reasons maybe I am already asleep when she got home...nice try, but I believed her LOL) I could go on... but I hope you share yours Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 Interesting idea for this post....I would say any behavior that is inconsistent with what we are used to is a possible sign...things like being less available in terms of time, not discussing plans or the future like they have previously, no longer showing physical affection in public, body language changes and lack of eye contact, no longer laughing at jokes or joking with us, and on and on. I think the problem is, particulary for men, we are so focused on our own interest level in relationships that we don't pay attention to all the indirect signals we are getting that suggest our soon to be ex is losing interest level in us. Link to comment
GQstatus Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 The warning signs are ALWAYS there, we just usually brush them off, don't acknowledge them, and are pretty much in a denial stage. I've usually been the "dumper" but the two times I got dumped, I felt it coming long before it happened. Recognizing these when they occur can save you a lot of heartache. It's going to hurt either way, but never turn the other cheek. If you feel it in your gut something is wrong, something is more than likely wrong. Try to talk, work through the problems, or cut the cord then and there. Breaking up sucks. But the journey that follows isn't so bad. You come out stronger, and definitely wiser. Link to comment
devast Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 Furthermore.... She normally is confident of what she have or her nature, but I helped her innovate herself.. taught and made her more beautiful, I believe (Pre-breakup: she had become narcisist... she always try to compliment herself, whenever she sees her photos...like "God, I am so beautiful... look at my shoes... look at my make-up...look at my nails" etc... it became annoying to me to hear, honestly, but I believe I loved her, so I just let her become narcisist) Yes... I realized or noticed all her signs pre-breakup (even taught of wlaking away immediately from her before she does it to me) I just ignored it and believed that she is a nice, kind and conservative lady, like she used to be.... and I always believed she loved me that much... or that my love for her wouldn't break us up.. Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I usually notice those slight and not so slight differences right away, but instead of talking to them about it, I would just continually put it aside or just be in outright denial about it until next thing I know I'm getting the "I love you, BUT..." speech and I end up feeling like an idiot for allowing myself to be put in that situation. The last break up was different though, I saw the signs and immediately confronted her about it. The subsequent split was a lot less painful...actually it was more annoying than painful when she tried slipping in the "I love you BUT" speech in there anyway... sheesh, get some new material will ya? Link to comment
devast Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 The last break up was different though, I saw the signs and immediately confronted her about it. The subsequent split was a lot less painful...actually it was more annoying than painful when she tried slipping in the "I love you BUT" speech in there anyway... sheesh, get some new material will ya? hahahahha Link to comment
devast Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 I am not sure if this was a sign... but it wasa definitely a change.. She used to like simple earings... she thought that dangling round earings is outrageous (sorry she used to be in a conservative environment.. not used with city lifestyle) (pre-breakup: she bought a dangling round earings, and very much into wearing it most of the time) though I don't have a problem with that...I am more into city life, and fashionable girls... I just thought about this sudden change of hers... Link to comment
SarahRose Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 An interesting exercise might be to go back even further and try to notice how your behaviour changed before hers did. Usually when I lose interest in a guy it has been coming for awhile and it is because he has stopped the little things that he used to do iow taking me for granted. He may stop taking an interest in what is going on in my life, he may not return my calls or call me as frequently. He may want to sit around at home all the time instead of taking me out somewhere. He gets comfortable and lazy. I take those things as waning interest on his part. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I'm confused - if you're broken up, how do you know how often her text alert beeps and everything else? Also: you expected her to inform you that she was going shopping? Is she 10 years old and given an allowance? Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 I'm confused - if you're broken up, how do you know how often her text alert beeps and everything else? Also: you expected her to inform you that she was going shopping? Is she 10 years old and given an allowance? Like I have just said.... we've been together long enough that I know just about her moves and gestures.... the way things were... And I noticed it because.... I have experiences with my other ex before her... so I realized... pre-breakup changes of routinary moves or gestures... And to you SarahRose.... I may have changed a bit or have been comfortable with our relationship that I may not have given her affection as much as I did, "Honeymoon stage".... But I am 100% sure, I still told her "I love her" once in a while... goes out together... Play guitar and sings to her... However, if this little things cannot be appreciated as being "still" affectionate with her, and expecting "honeymoon" stage affection after being together a long time, and someone in the office is making her feel more comfortable....then that's why we brokeup... Link to comment
SarahRose Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Like I have just said.... we've been together long enough that I know just about her moves and gestures.... the way things were... And I noticed it because.... I have experiences with my other ex before her... so I realized... pre-breakup changes of routinary moves or gestures... And to you SarahRose.... I may have changed a bit or have been comfortable with our relationship that I may not have given her affection as much as I did, "Honeymoon stage".... But I am 100% sure, I still told her "I love her" once in a while... goes out together... Play guitar and sings to her... However, if this little things cannot be appreciated as being "still" affectionate with her, and expecting "honeymoon" stage affection after being together a long time, and someone in the office is making her feel more comfortable....then that's why we brokeup... Maybe that is a lesson to you guys to keep making an effort and not to get lazy or some other guy will come along. Nobody is saying you have to keep up the pace of the honeymoon stage but if weeks are passing that you have neglected your girlfriend, then who can blame them for losing interest in you? If it's been weeks, months passing since you have texted hey thinking of you or just wanted to say I love you or I love the way you smell or weeks months passing since you have taken her out for a romantic dinner or bought her flowers then how do you expect her to stay interested in you? How often is once in awhile saying I love you. It has been months since I heard those words. Months isn't once in awhile. Months is bs neglect. Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Maybe that is a lesson to you guys to keep making an effort and not to get lazy or some other guy will come along. Nobody is saying you have to keep up the pace of the honeymoon stage but if weeks are passing that you have neglected your girlfriend, then who can blame them for losing interest in you? If it's been weeks, months passing since you have texted hey thinking of you or just wanted to say I love you or I love the way you smell or weeks months passing since you have taken her out for a romantic dinner or bought her flowers then how do you expect her to stay interested in you? How often is once in awhile saying I love you. It has been months since I heard those words. Months isn't once in awhile. Months is bs neglect. As far as my most recent breakup is concerned.... My phone never got busy with other people's messages when we are together... I never failed to say I love you at the end of our phone conversation (slightly LDR)... always travelled long way every weekend just to spend time with her... OK... Sarah... stick to what you believed in... looking at your bf to be always the one to do the magical trick... do the wonders for you... be the superhero 24/7... and if they fail... then another guy is just waiting around the corner... Like what I have said... if you are proud saying that.. a lot of guys are just waiting... I am sorry you can't win that battle with a man... Man can get laid even every night with different woman, if he wants without feeling horrible about himself later... I wonder how that feels to woman who could sleep with different man, every night, if she wants.. Good luck Sarah... I wish you all the best Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Like I have just said.... we've been together long enough that I know just about her moves and gestures.... the way things were... And I noticed it because.... I have experiences with my other ex before her... so I realized... pre-breakup changes of routinary moves or gestures... Yes, I understand you're describing how things were before, but I still don't understand how you know where her handset is or what she's doing after work and all the rest now/after. Unless I missed the part where you said you live together? Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Yes, I understand you're describing how things were before, but I still don't understand how you know where her handset is or what she's doing after work and all the rest now/after. Unless I missed the part where you said you live together? because we constantly talk to each other though we work in different places... so she tells me where she's at and what she's doing... morning, lunch and evening... so if there were changes... it was recognizeable to me.. I hope you're getting the picture now... Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Oh. I didn't understand that you were friends and in full contact. That's all. Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Oh and lonelydoll about the location of her handphones... maybe because I am a keen observant... LIke I said, before... her phone doesn't ring if we are together... and she just leave it anywhere inside the house, even if she leaves it near me... but lately, it has always been placed away from me, somewhere she can easily grab it when the message alert wnet off... and funny she even brings it to the toilet lately...LOL Link to comment
devast Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Oh. I didn't understand that you were friends and in full contact. That's all. What do you mean? did you mean we are still friends and in full contact post breakup? Oh no.... we were in so much communication and so much attached to each other when we were still together and inlove but few months to weeks just before the breakup, I noticed the changes I have mentioned prev posts... Link to comment
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