An embarrassing and strange question...

[Empathy]

For over a year and a half I have been sick and I have yet to find out what is wrong with me. My symptoms pretty much stay the same in severity but I keep developing new problems. The latest of which are gynecological problems. It is not unheard of for women with these types of problems to be battling them for YEARS. I have a boyfriend right now and due to these problems we have not been able to have sex but once in the past 2 months. And honestly, I don't know when we'll be able to have sex again. I love him very much and right now at the darkest point in my life, he is the only light that I have. I have reached a state of depression so deep because of the fact that I love him so much, and I fear that I'm going to lose him to this...I don't want to give him up, but we're not married and he is young and he has a whole life ahead of him. He deserves to be with someone healthy and happy. I'm thinking I want to give it a little longer to see if I can't either A these gynecological problems, B: Find out what's making me sick, or C: both. But If I can't...I'm terrified of being alone.

 

Here's where the question comes in...do they have dating services for people who can't be sexually active??? I feel stupid asking that question, but with dating services for STDs I figured I'd take a shot. As I've already implied...I could be fighting this for years or the rest of my life. And I wouldn't want to be with someone who is "normal." Because I know that in relationships love isn't enough. I know that eventually the love my boyfriend feels for me will not be enough to sustain this sexless relationship.

 

Thanks in advance, everyone.

[Hope75]

Have you been seen by a doctor?

 

What have they said? Second opinions?

 

What sort of gynological problems?

 

It seems to me that this is a problem that will continue to haunt every relationship you have from now on if you don't address it... plus, what if it's something that you can treat, why wouldn't you want to?

 

You deserve to have a sexually fulfilling relationship if you want one.

[Empathy]

I've been to several doctors. No one can figure it out. I'm just so tired all of the time. And my gynecological problems are 1: resistant bacterial vaginosis 2: recurrent yeast infections (there's a possibility I may have a resistant strain of yeast that is not responsive to almost all yeast drugs and is almost impossible to treat.) and 3: cancerous changes on my cervix. I just had a colposcopy on the 18th that's taking forever to heal. I have addressed this problem, I just can't find a doctor that is willing to test me for more than just standard stuff. I'm not giving up. I want to find someone who will work with me. I'm just preparing myself for the worst.

 

Its just that I've talked to women who have normal healthy immune systems that have been battling bacterial vaginosis and/or yeast for multiple years. I'm not going to deny the possibility that I could end up like them. Especially since my immune system is obviously compromised.

[Hope75]

Have you had an HIV test?

 

I don't mean to scare you, but frequent yeast infections and bacterial vaginsosis that are difficult to treat are sometimes a symptom of HIV.

 

Might be a good idea to get yourself tested.

 

What did the colposcopy show?

[Empathy]

I don't know what the colpo showed yet. I might know tomorrow. And I know its not HIV. I'm going to assume there is no such help for people who are incapable of having sex.

[Hope75]

There are other things you can do to be sexual and intimate without vaginal pentration. There is oral sex, anal penetration, fingering and use of tongues...

You and your guy can get creative and figure out ways to please each other other than vaginally.

 

And I hope you continue to seek a diagnosis for the cause of the chronic vaginosis and yeast. Maybe you need IV treatment in the hospital vs. oral medications at home. Have you asked to see a specialist?

[Empathy]

I guess I should have been more explicit. He can't do anything to me at all because penetration of any kind for me is painful plus it, and oral sex, runs the risk of making my conditions worse. The only thing I can do is give him oral sex and he has never been able to get off that way. Plus he hates hand jobs. If there were a plethora of things for us to do I might not be here. I knew this was a dumb question. I can look forward to be alone the rest of my life I suppose.

[Hope75]

It's not a dumb question- but certainly one that should be addressed by medical professionals, and perhaps, a sex therapist?

 

Your boyfriend is unable to orgasm through oral sex or manual stimulation?

 

Does he maturbate?

[Empathy]

Yes, he does masturbate and he has to work HARD at it. lol. He has some sensitivity issues. As far as anything other than sex is concerned.

[Hope75]

Yes, he does masturbate and he has to work HARD at it. lol. He has some sensitivity issues. As far as anything other than sex is concerned.

 

So he can get off with manual stimulation. That's a start- even if you both have to work harder at it.

 

How has he been through all of this?

 

Does he know you want to leave because you feel like you can't please him sexually?

[Empathy]

I mean he has to work so hard that it is impossible for any girl to get him off. Unless she were a body builder. I already said he doesn't like manual stimulation anyway. He says its pointless and stupid because he'd never be able to get off. And yes, he knows. Sometimes he tells me not to break up with him and sometimes he tells me I should do what I feel I need to do.

[Beyondthesea]

Right now I would be more concerned about your health than your boyfriend.

 

Honestly, if I were you, I'd go see a naturopath. You have tried for years with conventional medicine, which obviously isn't helping.

 

I certainly don't recommend stopping whatever treatments they prescribe, BUT if you see a naturopath, they will suggest dietary changes and supplements that should at least stop the constant infections you are getting.

 

My guess is your doctor has you on a stream of antibiotics over and over, right? That causes resistance, which you already have. You need to be taking a supplement called acidophilus and going on a yeast killing diet. I had multiple infections over and over again until I cut down (and nearly out) yeast foods (bread, etc) and started taking doses of acidophilus.

 

This may sound sillyto you, but would it hurt to try? Absolutely not. It worked for me!

[Empathy]

Beyondthesea, I'm way ahead of you. lol. I've cut out sugar and yeasty foods completely. I've even tried natural antifungals and probiotics. I've done all of this to no avail. I'll admit, I felt better. But I'm still sick. I need a cure.

[Hope75]

I wish I had better advice for you. Seems you have tried everything I've suggested to no avail.

 

Your boyfriend is a rare man who cannot get off through oral sex or manual stimulation. If you and he are unhappy with the relationship as is, only you can decide what's best for you both.

 

I can only hope that you continue to pursue your medical issues until they find a solution for you.

 

I wish you the best of luck.