ex boyfriend broke us up but now.....

[sspaul]

Someone please help here's the situation. I have been going out with my girfriend for 14 months and I just broke up with her because there is an ex in the picture that she went out with for four years. Since we where going out she was always affraid to talk to or hang out with him because she thought I was going to get pissed. The thing is she has known him since she was 5 and they are good friends. The other thing is the reason why I had a problem with him is because she nnever introduced me to him and kept him totaly separate from me. To make a long story short we fought about this guy and broke up over this guy several times even though she saw him as a friend he wanted her back. Now we have been broken up for two weeks now and I have been devastated even though I ended it. Well last night I was driving by her cousins house and she was there and he was there outside so I pulled in. This guy came up to me and we got a long and talked for two hours about everything. My point is that when I was leaving I was very upset because after meeting him and him telling me to my face that they are just friends I was thinking if we had just met during our relastionship I wouldnt have cared if she hung out with him and I am woondering if she is thinking the same thing. I feel like we broke up because I didnt understand there friendship and I always asked her to introduce me to him because it will affect me if she didint. Why did I have to meet him now after all the damaged has been done, is she going to see that we can be cool with eachother and she can be with me and have him as a friend, damm I wouldnt even mind being his friend. I am just hoping that she see's why I felt the way I did and understands now that we could of had a stronger relationship by me and her unnderstanding this mess. I feel like we are over now for the wrong reasons and I want to call her and ask her if she see's what I see but she really is mad at me right now and told me not to call. I guess I just have to sit around and wonder if she realises that she can have him as a friend and me back in her life and we can all get along. I Love her so much and she knows it and I know she cares about me and misses me but I just want her to see that we can all get along together ex boyfriend or not. I need some advise as to what to do now do I just wait? someone help

[charmed]

Hi SSpaul,

 

I understand that you may have ruined your chances with this girl due to your jealousy ad lack of understanding about her relatinship with her ex boyfriend.

 

I am just hoping that she see's why I felt the way I did and understands now that we could of had a stronger relationship by me and her unnderstanding this mess

 

I suspect that she will not see this through the anger. She will see your jealousy, and she will attribute that to you, and not just to this situation. You didn't know the facts, and your insecuirity and jealousy let her slip through your fingers. Now he gets to be with her, and you don't - even though they are not up to anything.

 

If you want to get back with her, you need to contact her somehow. I would leave that a week or two until she has calmed down. Then try to meet her in person somewhere, and talk it out. You will need to do some serious thinking between now and then.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[Mar]

I would just wait....if she's that mad, then she's not going to be very rational about a discussion. Why is she angry? Because you broke up with her? You said yourself that you asked her several times about this ex, and that you wanted to meet him. Yes, she might have felt awkward about it, being as they have a long history together and she didn't want you to say the wrong thing to him or whatever, but regardless, she didn't even give you that CHANCE. And you're right....it turned out well and you and he got along great. She could have saved a lot of fights by just introducing you two, if she had nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Give her a little bit of time, and try to call her. Let her know that yes, you made a mistake in breaking up with her over this guy, but that it was because she wouldn't even consider having you two meet and you felt like you were cut out of that part of her life. She has to also realize HER mistake in this, in that she had nothing to worry about from the beginning and could have saved a lot of problems by just introducing you to him. It's not fair for her to expect that you're going to just calmly accept the fact that she hangs out with him and talks to him and about him frequently and that you're not going to eventually get upset about it when she won't let you meet him! She has to give a little on this, and understand your point of view.

 

Good luck, and I sincerely hope you can work things out with her. Now that you've met this guy, and she realizes she has nothing to worry about, there's no reason why she shouldn't be willing to get back together with you if there weren't any other issues besides that.

[sspaul]

You people are great and I really appreciate your advice but I just goot off the phone with her cousin and she told me that she doesn't want to go back to me, she want's to be free and enjoy herself and that is very hard for me to take. I have to respect her wishes and not contact her for a while but that is very hard for me to do because I want her to see what i saw last night and relise that we could have made this work. I think right now she is confused and doesn't know what she want's and is affraid of us going right back where we were. I know where I made my mistake's and I want to prove it to her but how can you prove yourself by just letting go and not contacting her. To me that seems like she will think that I have moved on but I know myself better than anyone and I know that I will be sitting her waiting for her to come back to me. I am hopeing once the anger calms down she will see things more clearly. Maybe she just has to get this out of her system but I am affraid of her falling in love with someone else and forgeting all about me and that's what makes me want to contact her to let her know that I am still here and i am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work the way we always wanted it to. It sucks when you don't know what you have until it's gone and it suck's to know that you are willing to put in the effort but she is not because she has lost all hope. Do I just leave her alone and call her once in a while and not bring anything up or do I just try to move on and hope that if it is meant to be it will happen. I feel so lost without her and I just want to make her feel happy and content with me but I need that chance to prove myself to her but it seems like I will never get that chance. thanks for the help

[jacobs]

if she really loved you she should have respected your wishes from the start.its simple you....or her friendship with her ex boyfriend?you figure out the rest.....

[charmed]

Hi SSPaul !

 

You should make the decision to either move on or attempt to get back with her. Don't make the mistake of sitting around in limbo waiting for her to call you. If you do you rish postponing your recovery from the relationship to a later date, and that will be worse for you I fear. It usually does happen due to the breakdown in communication unfortunately, but that is the risk in "waiting".

 

Hope this helps you some,