smackie9

Stop looking through or at his phone.

This won't work sadly. Ya sure it's "amazing" and all that but for a solid long term relationship this has no foundation because you both don't share core values, the age different(opinions may differ), both are at different stages of life and her family hates you. Rip the band-aid off quick.

You were both drunk and out of control. Looks bad on both ends here. Time to move on.

Some people just assume they are exclusive, but why not just have that conversation..you had a few opportunities there to bring it up.

That's addiction to the chase...dopamine is what you actually chase. It's what's released in the brain when we fall for someone. And yes I agree that's your focus is that hit of dopamine that creates what you are feeling in the moment, and has nothing to do with the person you are with. To fix this, you need to rein in these emotions, and actually get to know the person. Learn to admire them, like how pretty her eyes are, the sound of her voice, her laugh, etc. Discover and slow savor. Find your feelings through those little things of attraction.

It's true we desire most what we can't have...it's in all of us, but what happens to you is on a different level. This should be looked into by a therapist to help you control it better. You obviously are noticing this, and you are concerned. We can only advice, and not provide you treatment of any kind to resolve this.

So much fuss over money and stability, IMO it will iron itself out without all the intense worry...how about relax, be romantic, and just be happy with each other.

Remember she's in a foreign country, no family support, language barriers, she's scared and a little nervous with her new surroundings.

So what does she do for work? I know that most workplaces don't accept dress that would be inappropriate for their business. She work as a waitress?

Mental illness and substance abuse go hand in hand. He lacks proper coping skills, so he uses alcohol and gives abuse to cope with his demons. You staying with him only enables his issues. He holds you hostage emotionally. You already offered help, many many times. He still won't take it. The next step is to leave.

So she was all you have ever known and the unknown when she's gone scares you. I get it, it's life changing. I assure you, you will get through it and grow as a better person. You will meet someone that will blow your mind because she wants what you want. It will happen.

If you want to change your behavior then make changes in your life instead of turning to an addictive activity. Counseling is what you both need right now.

I worked with someone that had been dating with their SO since they were 12. They split up at around age 21 for a few months. Not sure if they checked out to see if the grass was greener on the other side, but, they ended up missing each other terribly. It's now 5 years later... they are happily married with two children.

It sounds to me you have never known yourself, who you truly are and can be...that your whole identity is this relationship..that's why you feel trapped/feeling of no worth because this is all you know.

You have had 11 years of practice to be very open and frank with your partner in how things make you feel...now is the time to start. If you can't then don't get married because in order for a marriage to work, you need good communication. Your feelings are valid, so express them to him.

I think we told you her giving books were not "gifts" that it's  just a coworker getting rid of some books that she thought you might like out of kindness.

The thing is, it's never a good idea to they and date people you work with. It can turn into an awkward situation, and her avoiding you. Just enjoy the friendship.

There will be growing pains/adjustment to any type of living arrangement. So set some boundaries. Compromise and communication. It's just that easy.

I play a huge Multiplayer game too. My friend compared it to crack. Your wife's situation is on the realm of addiction induced by boredom. As soon as you try to take that away, they cheat, deny and lie to keep it. She has a problem.

I strongly recommend the both of you to stop playing and spend real time  to do real things together. That's the only way to get the emotional connection back. Also it takes two to repair a relationship. If she isn't willing, you have nothing to work with.

Good for you sticking to your guns! Hope life gets better for you.

Yup the writing is on the wall..there isn't must left to hang onto. Dream job, travel abroad? You only live once. Go and be free.

12 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Oddly enough, not so, heh heh.  

This link is long but here are photos of some of the diners.

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1PRFI_enGB848GB848&source=univ&tbm=isch&q="first+naked+restaurant"+bunyadi+uk&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiM6o-k37DyAhUHhv0HHaMZAb4Q420oAHoECA4QBA&biw=1920&bih=937

As for the topless bars (not the same as a strip club) there are all kinds having a drink in those, and the oldies in a minority.

 

If you notice it's the same attractive blonde girl featured in most of the photos.

1 hour ago, LaHermes said:

I never assume anything. And yes they are plentiful, not that I have been carrying out a census survey of anything. 😄

And Waffle:

"I'm just surprised that men continue not to see through the women who work at these joints."

Men (and people generally) see through what they want to see through. Most men are well able to distinguish. 

And then there is this, The Bunyadi Restaurant (London).

The UK's first ever naked restaurant has opened in London. Bunyadi encourages customers to disrobe while eating "naked" organic food served by nude staff. Bunyadi has made headlines in recent weeks by attracting 46,000 people to its waiting list 

hah and probably to their dismay, most of the customers are old /saggy hoping to see hot buff women....but there won't be any. We have a nudest beach in Vancouver called Wreck beach. There ain't no hot Brazilian type babes there though you can see guys out on the water with binoculars lol.

hah we have Mugs and Jugs here but it's a peeler bar.

She's really good at her job.

I think you approached him incorrectly. Asking him if he wants to be single, or who does he have his eye on are trap questions...guys avoid those at all costs.

You need to get right to the point and ask if he wants to continue this relationship. If he says yes, then you point out all the things that he's is doing that says otherwise and you don't believe him. Then you can tell him your expectations. If he isn't willing to fulfill them  by a certain timeline, then what's the point?

TBH I think he's trying to push you out, and you leave on your own which is a cowards way out. Best of luck in your course of action.

Take up gaming.