Wintermute

Hey, my girlfriend and I of over a year just broke up. At first I had hopes I could just be friends with her for a while, and show her how good we could be together. I've kind of learned that's not really what she wanted and it's not the best thing for both of us. Sometimes being in such a close relationship can stunt your growth and become entirely different than what a relationship is supposed to to - encourage growth. My suggestions are that you try a little seperation. In the meantime, you can contact each other and basically be friends, but just that. Keep the time with each other to a minimum and keep away from anything physical, no matter how much you both might want to hold each other. It might feel better for a while, but in the end it hurts more. Take a month or so off of being together and meet some new people. Talk to your friends, go out on dates, and basically expand your life and learn about other people. I just got done with talking to my dad, and it really helped a lot. Talking to other people about it is probably the best thing you can do. In the end, if it's meant to be, both of you will return to each other with a better view of life, which is always a good thing. Good luck, and remember there's a lot more out there than you realize.

I just broke up with my g/f of about a year and a half. I'm still hoping we'll get back together, but it's probably not going to happen. We're still trying to be friends and I'm just analyzing what she said about why she wasn't happy with our relationship. I think it basically came down to two things: I was her first serious boyfriend, and we were in our first year in college so she was feeling smothered by me. I think she felt like I was preventing her from meeting new people. The night we broke up, she also said I didn't know her, and all I paid attention to was the superficial stuff. About a week or so before we broke up, I tried backing off so she would be more comfortable. She says it helped, but not enough. My real problem is that she told me I didn't really try to get to know her. That after a year and a half I still couldn't make her happy. The bad part is this might be true. I'm an only child and I've always had trouble seeing the important stuff. There have always been instances I've insulted people somehow by doing something I thought was fine. One time senior year I went around thanking people who gave me credit for editing a film I was a part of. It turns out my g/f's brother had spent hours editing it. It was pretty mean of me to take the credit for everything, but I figured I shot the movie, I wrote it, I did some of the editing, I can be proud of it. I know now it was mean of me to ignore him like that, but I just didn't know. A lot of that stuff just passes me by while I'm in my own little world. I'm pretty sure that's why my g/f was so unhappy. Whenever I was happy, I was in my own world and she was just playing along. I don't know what I can to to help this, maybe just saying it will help. Thanks for your time to anyone who read this.