Pleasedonot5

It's possible the separation scared the living daylights out of your husband, and he is convinced that if anything like that happens again, he should be prepared. I say take him at his word that he is not planning to divorce you, but do not sign the postnuptial agreement unless and until you consult independent legal counsel. Consulting legal counsel will help you figure out what the proposed agreement would mean (& its legal enforceability) and what other options you might have available. 

Just as you wrote above, a partnership like this is a team effort. I hope you two can approach this with cool heads and figure collaboratively what deal (if any) each partner is willing to accept. I'm glad you both are actively working on your marriage, and wish you the best of luck as you work to overcome this present hurdle. 

My increased dose of buspirone is working, I think. The incessant ruminations and racing negative thoughts have decreased in intensity and number to something a lot more manageable. In the last week, I have felt more "normal" again. I feel I generally seem social, witty, and more confident interacting with others. That is good. I will use this (hopefully lengthy) period of decreased anxiety to work on myself. 

My counselor-in-training identified that I have been interacting or declining to interact with others on the basis of a fear of judgment. Everything from deciding what social clubs to join, interacting with my supervising attorney, and choosing whether to stand up for something has all been done under that umbrella. In the last week or two, I have subsequently attempted to push past the scary distortion of reality my brain conjures up, to do what I want to do. Instead of, "this person who reached out to me asking if I know anyone who might be a good fit to be her ballroom partner was clearly asking for anyone else with the way she phrased it," and "even if she was asking me, I'm far too old to go back to being in my old college club--everyone would think I'm a loser/weird," I decided that renewed participation in ballroom was what I wanted. Then, I reached out and said I was looking for a partner too, would she be interested in seeing if we were a good fit? She almost immediately responded super positively. At a soon-after social event, we danced pretty well together. And --current members of the ballroom club were very friendly. One of the leaders even said "and I hope we'll see more of you around!" with a smile. In addition, an alumna of the university (around my age) was there and is still competing in the club. So my brain conjured this scary reality--because anxiety and many of my social interactions over the past few years have been full of judgment. Anyway--look at me. I'll be competing in ballroom competitions again. 😁 I have running, dancing, and D&D right now as fun / productive hobbies on which to focus. 

I did many tasks that were weighing on me, and now I feel lighter. Imagine that. 

I plan to apply to a community advocacy or disability law clinic at the law school. If I get in, I'll obtain class credit and hopefully do the kind of experiential work I'm interested in. Deadline to apply is today--which is a chore, since I am on vacation. So far, law school has mostly let me down. Hopefully this will make my experience more rewarding.

In Nashville right now for vacation for the next week or so with family. I've been enjoying the break so far!

I called this past Wednesday to set a doctor's appointment to adjust my medication. Due to a doctor leaving my doctor's practice group, my doctor was suddenly inundated with the other doctor's patients. The assistant said that she was booked out into July--and the office does not use a wait-list or cancellation list. Thankfully, I talked in further detail with the assistant about the nature of my intended visit (essentially a mental health matter), and the assistant was able to leave a note indicating high urgency for my doctor to set a call or appointment. I received a call Thursday to meet with my doctor Friday. On Friday, I was able to see her (first time in like 2-3 years due to COVID and her maternity leave!), and we talked about my options. Inevitably, we thought it best to double my buspirone dose (a minor change, she said, would have little effect).

And then - given my really awful mental state (I haven't posted much about it but I am REALLY not in a good place: depressive symptoms including insomnia, lack of motivation, hopelessness, and admittedly suicidal ideations), she gave me options to treat depression or insomnia including (1) two SNRI options, to treat depression (2) an antidepressant that also treats insomnia, amitriptyline, and (3) a medication that that treats the insomnia caused by depression, trazodone. My doctor understands that I like to be an active participant in my care, so she -- like last time I saw her -- gave me information related to those options and asked me to send her a note with my thoughts. I will do my research and pick one today.

So, I have started the increased buspirone dose today (send good vibes my way -- adjusting the dose of this medication makes me REALLY anxious for a day before I feel the positive difference), and I will send a note to my doctor about which of the three other medications above I think is best. 

I am thankful some of my family urged me to stop putting this off. My grandma, particularly, admonished me to have a sense of urgency about my care. I am glad: because I have not been in a good place for a while. 

I hope to get through the medication adjustment pains and return to calmness soon. 

On 5/15/2022 at 12:18 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

Dating was awful even over a decade ago.  It seemed like it was probably easier in the 80's 90's but that may just be my fanciful idea of what it was like, rather than experienced reality.

It does seem harder now, though.  Although vetting should be easier because with social media, people put everything out there now it seems, good and ugly.  Granted meeting in real life is a necessity so you can see if they're filtering pictures 😉 

Ah, I worded it weird, but I meant dating is harder for me right now than it was for me several years ago. 

I totally agree. One would think that social media and dating sites would facilitate more connections. Sometimes they do, but nothing beats a genuine connection made or found in person. 

The date who cancelled called and explained that she is dealing with personal/mental health issues and is not in a good place for a relationship. I responded I think well, empathized with her, and then after a minute or two we hung up. She seemed thankful that I responded the way I did, but I cannot be sure. Of course, the issues are probably genuine, and I don't wish that on anyone. But if it was also just an excuse to let me down easy: yeouch. 

There have been very few people showing interest, then out of nowhere there is a person showing initial promise, reciprocating, etc., we set a coffee date... And then now there is no opportunity even to see if we're compatible. 

I'm really bummed out. Life is difficult, dating now is difficult -- and especially in that sphere -- it is like one let-down after another.

I hope I can find my person at some point 😞

Dating has been really hard this past year. Here are some updates. 

My former friend (and former FWB) U is still with someone else. But I recognize there is too much baggage there and I don't want to be with her. And I don't want to be friends calling each other and flirting all of the time because that would plausibly bring me right back to pining over her while she is with someone else (and my friend, at that). She keeps texting me (even though we are in space/NC/LC mode. She even showed up at a dance venue I frequent, likely to "run into me by happenstance." Just yesterday or so, she sent another text message asking to catch up/talk about resuming our friendship. I responded today that I was sorry for the wait, hope she is well, but I want to continue as we have been. I have my head on straight with this, but it isn't enjoyable (and is quite uncomfortable) to constantly rebuff someone I fell for not too long ago. 

I matched with someone I knew briefly in college on a dating site. She is very pretty, and seems kind, driven, and compassionate. We seemed to hit it off right away, compliments and kindness (no love bombing or anything, but it seemed to be going well). We exchanged numbers and yesterday set up a coffee date for today. I checked ahead to make sure the coffee place was open, we were meeting about halfway, and the coffee place looked nice enough inside (via Google). She messaged me today about an hour before with a message that she had to cancel -- and that she can call me later to explain. That she has always been responsive/following through so far -- and that she said she could call to explain -- makes me think there is a legitimate reason behind the cancellation.I responded that it was alright, thank you for letting me know, and that I hope all is okay.

I hope there is a legitimate reason: I was really optimistic about the date. I hope also that she is okay and that we reschedule. Still, I am a little bummed out at the moment. Dating really is something a lot more difficult in my late 20s.

I finished law school final exams for the semester, and I started a new job as a law clerk. It is going as a complicated field would on the first few days. 

I should set an appointment to discuss my meds with my doctor. I have been really anxious lately. 

I have a recurring series of therapy appointments starting Monday. That should be helpful. 

I am thankful that I have practiced meditation in the last few months. Because of that, it has been easier to identify (and subsequently cause to dissipate) racing anxious thoughts. 

Hanging in there, but not really feeling zestful about life right now. Just one bummer after another lately, as I struggle to improve myself and stay afloat. 

10 hours ago, Miyakutsune said:

theres no point in looking into it, id have no transportation, theres no uber, taxy not even an ambulance comes as far out as i am.

There are Telehealth options available where I am, which developed due to the Pandemic and are still around. Most public universities have, at a minimum, free counselors-in-training (people who have almost obtained master or Ph.D.). Not sure where you are, but have you looked for public university counseling in your state or province?

Hang in there.

Hi Derek. I am sorry that you have had a rough go of things. 

I see you posting about how you cannot do certain activities. You essentially stated above that you view yourself as a loser. In many respects, that low self-esteem will project out onto the world, implicitly instructing others on how to regard you. Sure, you do not have many of the stereotypical high-status markers. But that is not a necessary condition for finding love and getting married. There are people of all sorts who end up finding love and marriage and people of all sorts who do not. You are capable of love under the right conditions just like others. I think at least one of those conditions is to focus on what you can do and provide instead of dwelling on what you cannot. 

Stoic detachment can be useful (and Vulcans are frickin' cool) but I feel a full detachment has its downsides (that could cause a harder time connecting with others; and as Rose mentioned, not feeling emotions can remove useful indicia for how you should act in a situation) and it can be indicative of something more destructive. An inability or unwillingness to feel emotion can indicate depression or unresolved trauma. Or, maybe even antisocial personality disorder. In any case, I noticed you did not answer another user's question above regarding seeing a counselor. The statements you made on emotion and dying young from grief lead me to think that you would benefit from talking to a supportive third-party. A therapist likely would have more precise and professional insights than you may be able to get here.

Also, it is not just your town. It is not the case that women would date you but for some local problem that makes dating unusually more difficult than any other town. It is because - even despite the difficulties you face - you need to be able to offer someone more than just "love and support." How about fun, laughter, hobbies, being interesting, engaging in activities you find meaningful and worthwhile, etc.? Only having "love and support" to offer is likely a dispositive roadblock to your success in the dating world.

Yes, being poor, on disability, and etc. makes it more difficult for you than the average person, I would wager. You can't control all of those things. But you can work on yourself and make life better. And you can control what you can do and you can remove some of the aforementioned items that make someone wanting to date you less palatable.

In the last few months, I have been feeling a resurgence in my anxiety symptoms. During a couple of days in the past few weeks, it has gotten fairly bad again. I felt myself on the brink of a "mental break" a few times. I felt abrasive in some moments, unable to communicate effectively in others, because I was so stressed. 

Obviously, I presume a lot of the incessant worrying and even physiological pain stems from my anxiety disorder. But anxiety usually has a trigger or stressor. I think part of the problem is that I have had many instances lately that felt "reality-breaking." Additionally, I feel in disharmony with my conception of who I am (or at least who I want to be.

In terms of reality-breaks, I guess the best way to describe it is that the world seems to be going insane around me. It is ironic, because I have a mental illness, saying that the world is going nuts. Keep in mind, I am not consuming the news 24/7. That would be bad for anyone. But from what I do see or hear - whether that be a classmate's reaction to world events, the McCarthyite virtue signaling and canceling in the culture that seems to be a predominant force, the university I am at prioritizing "safety" restrictions but capriciously - at the whims of the day - over all other countervailing principles and values, or my very liberal friend group's conception of what is right, and disagreement over a political issue (which does not go deeper than simple disagreement over the framing of an issue) had gotten me literally shunned by who I thought were my friends in the student group I was in. All societal forces seem to be moving us away from what is true, sensible, or right. And I am not surrounded by enough people who acknowledge or validate this sense of the world going awry, which makes me feel odd, isolated, and alone. 

I have also realized that my concept of who I am (or who I want to be) is unstable. I agree with the Buddha, who described the self as impermanent and capable of change. As such, it does not cause me distress to think of myself as a dynamic person: not who I was even a few years ago. In fact, it can even bring great relief to acknowledge that you are who you are now and not who you were many years ago. But what does cause me distress is that who I was in some aspects is who I want to be now, but am not. For example:

• Where I was confident before in speaking with others, I am now timid, meek, and uncertain.
  • Where I usually believed myself charming - a solid interpersonal communicator - I do not believe myself that now.
• Where I saw good and evil more clearly before, I now see various shades of gray - most shades not clearly better than the other. In other words, most "sides" seem to have at least some point to them. That is not to say all are equally meritorious, it just is not as clear now for many areas I thought were clear previously.
  • Where I believed myself working for good, productive change, I have since realized that that work was not as "good" as I thought it would be. 
• Where I was driven to venture out and find women, I now feel less driven to do so. 

Some of those are the result of learning. Some, I do not know but can guess the cause (the timidity could be from being in an incompatible "reality-breaking" environment; some of my most recent dating experience deconstructing my confidence (e.g., K); and even an experience a few years ago where some rando started maliciously spreading to friends and acquaintances false rumors that I tried to drug someone on a date (again, not an ounce of truth to that and I have no idea where it came from) - all that can really mess with a guy). 

But as one ages, testosterone falls, too. Priorities change. I have a difficult time identifying which changes are the result of traumatic experience or some otherwise induced insecurity, and which are the result of my progression as a human being in this gnarly world.  

Anyway, writing some of this out helped. I am not sure where to go from here. Maybe I will list some positives, and then call it an evening. 

• I finished my "season" of racing 5Ks with a time in the upper 16-minute range. I did not expect to be that fast again in my late twenties. I will have some summer 5Ks to work on cutting that time down even further.
  • I made some friends through this running. The running community is great. 
• I finally had the Blazin' wings at Buffalo Wild Wings, something I have been super competitive about completely unnecessarily. XD. A 2,000,000 scoville-rating was not too bad.  
• Since last August 2021, I have dropped over 40 lbs. I look the best I have in years; sharp jawline, hair looks nice. My blood pressure is great probably for the first time ever. 
• I scored a summer law clerkship at a respectable firm in the area, and it pays respectably. I can see the supervising attorney becoming a mentor to me - we both seem to have a similar mindset and interests (including, I learned over lunch, in Star Trek!)
• My term with the student government (honestly like my own personal Hell) has ended. Though I probably should have left earlier, let's just be glad it is done. One less stressor to worry about from here on out. 
• I signed up for therapy, again, with the universities at which I have been a student. It is free, but I am on a waitlist at the moment for both. I will take therapy at whatever one reaches out to me first. That should be helpful, hopefully.
• I have begun meditating regularly. I started by using the Waking Up app - an app founded by one of one of my favorite modern-day philosophers. It has been a decent experience so far. 

So there it is. The good and the bad over the last few weeks. 

I think you should keep it short. Something like "Okay. Thanks for all the help with my Dad. Best of luck out there." And then I would advise not responding to the guy -- or politely declining -- if he asks you out again. People can speak with well-crafted sophistry that makes you feel great in the moment. But at the end of the day, their actions clarify their true intentions. The actions here are that he has asked you out several times, but consistently has never followed through. How many times are you going to get your hopes up for this person, only for him to let them dwindle?

Update. So I haven't been on here in a while. But I wanted to write about some of the self-improvement items in my life. 

I have dropped 35 lbs. since last August, through a combination of dieting (starting the day with fried eggs and then having a light lunch, and doing whatever I want for dinner), exercise (I am running around 40 miles per week at the moment). I am now physically fit and athletic. I recently ran a 17:45 5K in the middle of a longer "tempo run" workout, which is a run at about 85-90% max effort. I have some 5K races coming up, and I'm excited/nervous about them. I am grateful to have rekindled the competitive side of me. 

My "receding hairline" actually looks a lot better now. Almost as if it has mostly grown back. Better diet/exercise, better haircut, and better shampoo/conditioner?

I have looked more into philosophy to better determine how (1) I can cultivate meaning in my life in this seemingly disinterested universe, and (2) I can be virtuous. Some of my favorite philosophers to study have been Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha), Immanuel Kant, Simone de Beauvoir, and last but definitely not least, Friedrich Nietzsche. Some of their genius insights are difficult to synthesize with one another, but I feel like I've found some of my "philosophical squad."

More of the university has opened up. I just joined a modern swing group -- the first meet-up was a blast of serotonin. Everyone was so nice and encouraging. And! A woman around my age might have been hitting on me at the end? Maybe. Lol 

I have not -- since starting this thread -- had much luck with women. Some of that perhaps has to do with (1) a lack of opportunity, (2) my personality (I'm kind of meek or timid at present in my dealings with others), or (3) me knowing what I want a bit better and thus seeing less people initially fit the bill. 

I am still dealing with an anxiety disorder, and I still have many career-related uncertainties and financial worries. 

Great strides, but still many things to work on. 🙂

You see, I just don't buy the whole "leave but don't tell her anything" idea. Not only would that leave her devastated AND without answer as to why you left, but it also takes away her choice in the matter. She could choose to leave you and move on. She probably would. Or she could choose to stay. It would be wrong of you to take that choice away from her.

And breaking up without communication is contrary to what you want -- which you've said is to stay together. Surely love demands you be truthful but try at a basic level to still be together. 

So what do you do? Out of your three options, I would say 1 is absolutely out the window: the guilt is going to eat you alive. 2 involves an active lie, so no. That leaves some version of 3: maybe you tell her the true fact that you stepped out of the boundaries of the relationship and cheated -- and then why you think you did so. And the basic details: drinks, walk, beach, fooling around, (optional: oops she has a penis), and that was confusing. And then ask for forgiveness and tell her what you plan to do to prevent this situation from recurring moving forward. 

^that^ may not work. It may be messy and imperfect. Maybe that's too much, maybe too little. I don't know. But at least it's truthful. At least it allows her to make an informed choice on the matter. And at least you're trying to stay with the woman you claim you love. 

--

Last thing, consider signing up for therapy. This situation -- and your emotional response to it -- is too messy and complex for a professional not to be involved. 

Best of luck. 

1 hour ago, LameHartford said:

We've been dating for year and a half. It never was perfect but now I feel like I'm suffocating. My gf's jealousy is killing me.

Back when I trusted her, I told her that I had porn addiction when I was 14 but haven't watched porn for almost 5 years since. Worst mistake. Now she constantly says that I haven't changed, that porn addiction can't go away, that I still want to watch it (I do not), that my mind is changed forever. And she's not saint, when she was a teen she liked yaoi manga and anime, BDSM. I never bring it up, never call her pornsick or a cheater, why do I get called a pervert and a liar? I don't get it.

In the beginning of our relationship she asked me to delete all friends from social media, and I did that because I didn't talk with them anyway. This summer I started to study Italian and wanted to find some native speakers to practice with but she said that it's not alright and she doesn't want me to talk with anyone online because "all people on these apps are looking for sex".

This June she started to looking through my playlist (quite often). She found some Greek songs with a woman in bikini on its cover. It caused a massive, massive fight. She said that I search for such songs on purpose, that I masturbate looking on songs' covers and that I'm cheating on her doing that. Of course, I don't do that, I don't even care what cover a song has. After few hours she forgave me but said that I have to make sure I have nothing sexual on my phone and computer. Okay, deleted all the songs that have naked or semi-naked people on the covers.

A month later, another fight. She doesn't even say what's wrong, just screams that I cannot keep my promise, that I cheat and I only think about other people. Turns out she was checking through my facebook and found a group about ancient Greece. As you know, some of Greek statues are naked. That's why I was called a cheater. I said that I like Greek culture and it's a lot more than statues' penises. Nah, she says that it's just excuses and I purposefully look for stuff with naked people. Later the same story happened with a gaming group because someone posted a semi-naked female character. Lesson learned, I deleted all the media.

She gets super mad when I want to go for a walk alone. She asked why I want to walk alone, I said that's because I enjoy listening to music while walking. Her reaction - "you imagine sex with other women while listening to songs, maybe even cheat on me pretending you are walking". The worst thing is, she doesn't even listen to me, everything I say is "just an excuse". That time she said that I do not like anything but naked women and porn.

Last weekend we were watching some kpop unboxing on YouTube, she asked if I like Blackpink, a kpop girl group. I said that I liked it two years ago. She immediately gets mad, asks why I liked them. Well, because I liked their music. No, she says that I'm lying, because everyone who likes female kpop groups likes them because of hot members and their nudity. Either I say what she wants or I'm a liar.

Today I was buying Christmas gifts. Bought something for my girlfriend - a rare Donald Duck comic book because she likes Disney. Told her that her Christmas gift is ready and her first reaction was "Is it something bad? I mean, is it some sex toys?" I calmly said that no, it's something cute, not sex toys. A hour later, again. The same question. I know she doesn't like sex toys and of course I never would buy her one. "But you like them, maybe you want to force me to use them". Sigh.

I feel like I'm going insane. I cannot enjoy songs, games, movies, nothing, because the only thoughts I have are "avoid looking at screen when there's a female". The appropriate reaction when there's a woman, any woman, is saying how ugly, fat and stupid this woman is. That's the only way my girlfriend doesn't think I want to have sex with that woman.

I wanted to leave my girlfriend many times but can't. She starts crying when we fight and I simply cannot leave her and keep suffering more to make her happy. What should I do? How can I convince her that I'm not cheating on her?

What should I do? How to convince her I'm not a cheater?

First, I am sorry you are dealing with this abuse and toxicity. 

OP, leave the relationship. That you have stayed this long in such a toxic situation -- and worse -- capitulated to all of her unreasonable demands sheds light on just how little respect you have for yourself. You know that she is overwhelmingly jealous and controlling: you have indicated so yourself. 

Imagine being able to (1) have the friends you like, (2) listen to the music you like, (3) go on walks when you like, (4) study what you like, and (5) go wherever you like without her constantly berating, belittling, and devaluing you -- and accusing you of everything under the sun. Without her, you would be free.

You should also seek therapy -- regardless of what you end up doing -- to uncover why you have been allowing this to continue for so long. If you have insurance coverage (or if you're in an area with free or low-cost access to therapy), great. If not, certain universities have counseling clinics with supervised counselors-in-training that are generally free to use. 

This advice may be candid, but I am posting for your benefit. I hope you find it helpful. 

Hi, OP. It's not "a bit dramatic" to be worried about something like this. Do not fall into the "my feelings are stupid" or "I'm a burden" traps. Your feelings are valid and you are definitely welcome to vent here. 

As for the sacral pad, I'm not too familiar with exactly what that is, but I am really sorry you are dealing with that and the associated insecurities. Is this something you can see yourself coming to terms with eventually? And would surgery - assuming it is a sure fix - really be that bad? If you have a way to ameliorate something that is causing you immense stress, and that way happens to be surgery, it may be well worth considering. 

Nope, I (26 M) don't want biological children. I've actually been fairly surprised by how many people seem to be on the same page as me recently. Definitely, it seems like the majority want kids... But there seems to be a sizable minority of people who do not want children - or who would be happy either way. 

OP, this relationship is not a winner. You're lying through your teeth, she's controlling you, and now she's physically abusing you. Leave the relationship; this is not healthy. 

In the future, do not date someone who is uncomfortable with you watching porn. I would venture to say thay most are comfortable with it - or at least it is not a deal-breaker for them. Or, otherwise, do not capitulate: just say what you do by yourself in your private time is not her business, and it is especially not for anyone to take away from you. 

OP - you have to be bonkers for letting someone install monitoring apps on your devices. Remove those apps immediately and change your passwords.

Last, in the future, do not say you will abstain from something, then continue doing it, and then lie about it, even when you are found out. When it counts, sometimes all a man has is his word. If you continually lie, others will not take you at your word when it matters most. 

You are not alone, OP. I feel this way too. I wish I had an answer for ya. It's a dreadful set of feelings.

No Community at University

My university is incredibly dry. I cannot work out, because although gym equipment may be used, I cannot shower afterward due to COVID protocols (frustrating that working out is allowed but individual shower stalls are not). There do not seem to be any social events going on, despite everyone being vaccinated and on-campus. I have made some guy friends and we have lunch/talk about fantasy football and class - that sort of thing. But to the other sex? I seem to be doing things that are off-putting. I don't know why or how, but signs point to that I am doing something wrong, regardless of any flirtatious intention.

Career-Related

Maybe law is not my thing. I feel lost here, honestly.

Miscellaneous

I was the mastermind behind a judicial system at my previous university's student government. Well, apparently all went to Hell there and a few bad actors manipulated the system in some ways that were allowed but not intended, and in some ways that were explicitly against the rules (but that did not stop them). I am upset that my system did not stop the bad actors from completely messing up the student government. And I am upset that I cannot really seem to do anything about it. The bad guys won, here. I hate that. 

Relationship/Friends-Related

Silence after Offer to Call. Related to the above. Oof. I was trying to be there for a friend this evening, but I think my offer to call (to make sure she was alright after some recent dreadful events, see above student government thing) was taken as more than a friendly gesture. Yes, I think she is attractive, but I was not trying to take advantage of that bad situation to flirt or get her interested or anything. I may have been rejected despite the lack of intended "move" and, inadvertently, put more stress on her plate. Ahhh. Yikes.

Dating Apps. Still, next to no likes, matches, or returned messages on dating apps. What the heck, man 😕 

6 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

it's how the number comes up, as in its not in my contacts yet. I could add his name and it would solve the name that comes up. You're right about that. 

But I feel if you're divorced, your phone should be in your own name. Not connected to your ex.

Could this be a bigger red flag. like he's holding on to the past..  

My dad originally set up the family's phone plan. At my favorite Thai restaurant, I come up as my father's name. This doesn't happen anywhere else, just at the Thai restaurant. I have next to no idea on how to get it changed. 

I wouldn't find tech issues to be a deal-breaker. However, if it bothered me, I would let my love interest know it bothered me and would ask them if they would take action to get the caller ID changed. 

On 9/20/2021 at 12:11 PM, moodindigo91 said:

I feel, on the one hand, upset that I am not getting proposed to, and don't feel like he will propose to me. I feel, on the other hand, that maybe we want different things out of life. I'm unsure at this point whether marriage and children are among his desires. He knows for sure they're among mine. I also want to make sure he has some kind of stable income or at least a path toward one before we get married and start a family. I don't mind being the breadwinner, but we live in an expensive state and we definitely need dual income. I would feel guilty if we got married and started a family while his dad was footing all of his bills. I also hate feeling dependent on others financially. 

I want to discuss all this, and we have discussed this in bits and pieces, but he never really provides straight answers or voices his opinions except that he knows he needs to figure out his career, that he wants to do something in bitcoin, and that he wants to travel and/or live abroad. I'm not really sure what to do or how to move forward, but I feel kind of stuck. My plan is to not really deal with this until I am done with the Bar exam but I was just hoping I could get some outside opinions or guidance! 

Here we have by clear and convincing evidence a combination of (1) your valid worries and doubts (in boldface), and (2) a lack of proactive, serious communication of these worries and doubts to your partner (in boldface and underlined). Because of the former, you have sincere, substantial doubts about the relationship's potential success. Because of the latter, he is not on notice that the relationship's foundations may be crumbling if he takes no action. 

Your reasons to doubt the relationship are valid, but it is only fair to both of you that you communicate them in their entirety. After all, why would he make haste to act if he does not know this is really, seriously bothering you. Sit down with him and tell him (1) you are worried he may never want to get married, (2) you are worried he may not want to have kids, and (3) you are upset he does not seem to be taking proactive steps toward finding a career. (Unless he has an actual job in mind, cryptocurrency manipulation is not a career). Observe what he says and does during the conversation and afterward. I am confident you will have a better idea where you stand with him after you do so.

This matter is vacated and remanded to OP for actions consistent with this opinion. It is so ordered.

(Law school nerds unite! :D) 

It is okay to dream about people in your past. 

Dreams of people in your past can be an indication that some of your present needs are not being met. What about your current relationship would you change? What is your boyfriend not doing that you wish he were doing?

The dreams could also be an indication that you are simply not over this other guy. Do you want to be with him?

On the other hand, sometimes people just make an impression on your heart/mind and thus become "characters" in dreams which are essentially nonsense. There may not be any meaning behind them. 

1 hour ago, ManBip098 said:

Does he have a right to be insecure even though he’s just a FWB

I mean, he has the right to feel however he feels. That said, he doesn't have a right to your time and body, nor does he have the right to information on with whom you are having sex. And you don't have a duty to stay exclusive nor reassure him that he's some sort of sex god. He acted in a way that was inappropriate and unattractive and you have the right to feel completely turned off by it. 

Tinydance essentially captured how I feel about your situation:

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

No he doesn't have a right to ask who you're sleeping with. But he probably deserves to know if you are sleeping with others in general in terms of safe sex. And he can ask you if you're getting tested for STD's. 

To be honest this guy sounds like very high maintenance. He sounds entitled and rude. Just because you're FWB doesn't mean you OWE him sex any time he wants. You don't owe him anything. If you said not tonight or you're busy, he has to be fine with it. You're not his sex slave who has to be available at his every beck and call 24/7. He actually sounds jealous. Just because you said you're busy he's accusing you of sleeping with others? You're allowed to have a life.

Yes, your feelings are there, probably because you want to spend time with your boyfriend. Or, you want to feel wanted / like a priority. 

But he was showing you that you were a priority when he insisted that you spend time with him and his friends. This was a kind gesture that you turned down. Since you are the party creating the unnecessary this-or-that choice, he has probably acted reasonably in choosing to spend time with his friends.

How much time do you two spend together one-on-one? Do you have opportunities to hang out one-on-one beyond the time that is "up for grabs" so to speak? Do you have a group of friends that you hang out with, or is your social time really only defined by the time you spend with him?

Yeah, it sounds like this FWB thinks he is entitled to sex, because he persisted even though you said no, not tonight. He is insecure, because his mind / actions jumped to that you could not hang out because you were with another, better guy that night. Then, he kept going on and with nonsense about how you should be crazy about him. He acted inappropriately and very unattractively. It would make sense if this episode completely abrogated your attraction to him.