adagio

Apologies as im not entirely sure how i will structure this so it may be a bit random. Does anyone feel that they have been left behind? Im 24, soon to be 25, and yet i still feel 18. It doesn't help that physically i still look young. No matter what i eat i can never put on weight. I always carry this inferiority complex when socialising with people my age. I know a few people who are only late teens and i am even beginning to feel younger than them. Despite this i am a bit of an old soul which means that i cannot really fit into either age group. I quickly lose patience with the teenagers and yet am in completely over my head with people my own age. Unfortunately this has shattered my confidence. I suppose im a bit of a loner. At first it was by choice as one day i realised i was fed up with my old group of friends and started seeing them less and less. The whole nightclub scene quickly grew dull for me and i had pretty much stopped all that by 20. I always wanted to experience new things such as theatre or art gallerys. There is a good chance i would have hated it but i would have liked to have the opportunity to experienced it with my friends. The problem became apparent on my 20th Birthday when we were planning what we were going to do. I suggested a weekend in France (i'm in the UK). Despite the fact that you would have thought i might have had some say what i would do on my own B'day the suggestion was laughed at and it quickly beacme apparent that the favoured choice was a strip club. Personnally i cant think of anything id be less comfortable with than this. And so i refused and in the end we didn't do anything. That was pretty much it socially for the last four years. On the odd occasion i have been out for work events i feel so out of place. Every one else seems to be enjoying themselves and i just cant see what the fuss is about. Despite this im the one who is seen as odd because this is what people do. A quiet night in with a few friends with a movie would be fine for me but it seems im in the majority. In the past year i decided that it was time to try and move life up a gear. I passed my driving test and got a car, as well as getting my first full time job. After higher education for 4 years it has been a bit of a blow been forced to accept a £11000 a year job. Words cannot describe my hatred for this. Im the lowest of the low and i damn well feel like it. Next week i have been informed that i have to travel all the way down to London simply to help photocopy some documents. Apparently no one in London is qualified to operate a photocopier! I finally have some worth. Unfortunately this means i have to go by train. During my sheltered existence i have used the train once. So i am now panicking about getting on the wrong train and ending up the wrong end of the country. Funny thing is i always wanted to travel but if i cant cope with UK travel the chances of coping elsewhere in the world are non-existent. And so the feeling of helplessness grabs me once again. I see people my age with their own houses/flats, with their large group of friends and there excitement for the weekend and wonder where it all went wrong. Its not that im completely anti social. If a conversation is going on and i feel i have something to add i will. Granted not with a lot of confidence but it still counts. The only problem is is that i am no good talking about things i have no interest in. Someone coming and telling me about the traffic on the way to work raises a false smile from me and no more. Does anyone feel comfortable walking past someone you work with and having to say hi even though they have been sitting next to you for the last five hours. I suppose that sounds self centered but it is just that i only feel the need to speak when theres something worth talking about. Despite all this i dont suffer from depression or entertain any serious thoughts of doing myslef in. In fact sometimes i even feel happy for reasons i cant fathom. It is just that i wouldnt mind if i was forced to go elsewhere and start again. As long as i didnt have to take the train lol.

Strange one this. Back when i was 17 (i am now 24) i caught chicken poxs, and had a very nasty case of it for about two weeks. After i recovered i noticed that my lower back was covered in scars. Now i self-diagnosed that my scratching during my illness had led to this scaring. They look like stretch marks that i see on women but while i understand those marks are usually vertical, mine are horizontal. Anyway originally these were bright purple but over intervening years they have pretty much faded away and can only be seen easily when i am cold (i have very pale skin, and so they revert back to their old purple colouring). So i have stopped worrying about them until today when i looked in the mirror again and about 13 more little scars (bright purple) have appeared. Obviosuly on top of everything else these had upset me and was wondering if there are any other men out there who have suffered with the same problem. Before you question me , no i am not overweight. I am skinny and below the weight i probabaly should be. I cant seem to put on weight so thats not the cause. I was wondering whether the skin would still be damaged and something as simple as me scratching could be the cause. Whatever i look forward to any answers that may be given, and begin the long arduos 5+ yr wait for these new scars to disappear.

First of all, apologies for the rambling nature of this post. Anyway i'm recently 24 and currently employed Part Time in a convenience store. Despite my plans of remaining there only for a couple of months until i found a proper position i am approaching my third year. I joined up after completing my HND in Business and Finance and just needed some easy money to give me the ability to do what i wanted. I only earn rounghly £4,500 a year but my lifestyle means that just about carries me. Anyway after a year of trying i have finally landed a full time position working as an Admin assistant, and am due to start in a month. And heres the problem. When i was studying i always said that there was no way that i would work in a customer driven environment and instead get a good job in a office. Since getting this job however i have finally been forced to look at myself and have discovered that actually been cut of in an office is my worst nightmare. I'm not a social person, and not exactly the type of person that will engage strangers in conversation but the feeling of being stuck with the same people 8 hours a day no longer appeals. So before accepting i drew up some pro's and con's. Once upon a time i used to have a large friendship base, but as happens time got in the way and i no longer see any of them. In fact the only people that i see are my fellow workmates at the convenience store. I enjoy their company but they are all still teenagers and so the things they enjoy are the things i experienced years ago and in truth quickly grew tired of. So by joining this new workplace i will have the chance to meet some new people, or at least i hope. I won't pretend that the prospect of making this move and starting afresh is not scaring the crap out of me because it is, but it is something i will have to cope with. The new place of work is also outside the nearest town, which means that i will be stuck at the premises all day, which concerns me because i would like the chance to disappear for an hour but here i wont get the chance. The job itself is menial. Answering phones, filing etc. All jobs that i could have performed years ago without wasting thousands on education fees. In fact the jobs and pay would be very similar to what i could achieve at my current place of employment if i went full time (ive asked and it wont happen), which makes me wonder why i have accepted it and gone to all this bother. Until yesterday that is when i realised why i had said yes. First of all let me say that pressure from the company and my parents had a large part in the decision (im not talking to them right now out of spite). So anyway i realised why i said yes to a job i dont want and heres why. I bought a book by Po Bronson a couple of years back called 'What should i do with my life?' and even though i enjoyed it first time round it didnt have much relevance. However recently re-reading it i noticed the following: -"Most people need the context of a company and an industry and a title and a salary-level and regular performance reviews to provide a measure of self worth" And i realised for me this is true. Or at least it was. My five years of studies meant that somewhere along the line i was gullible enough to believe that i needed to work in an office, in a recognisable company, with a set wage to be successful. The thought of staying where i am is not an option beacuse it is just a small store, with a few employees, in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't matter if i enjoy it. I need to be out there making a shit load of money, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. So i was wondering how many other people out there are in the same position. Does all this matter to you? Ultimately i will take his job (unless a case of devine intervention mainfests itself). I don't think i will stick it out long. It may have come late but i think i belong in the retail market and hopefully will find enough challenge and passion and responsibility there sooner rather than later. So thanks for reading, and maybe you will let me give you this parting piece of advice. It wont apply to all of you. Don't allow your job hunting to be influenced by your parents or friends. Next time im looking for a job, or considering any offers i plan to tell my parents thank you but i dont want you to be involved in any way. Because for me, whether they meant to or not, they put pressure on me, and i usually fail to cope in these circumstances.

Ok, im 23 (soon to be 24) and currently employed as a supervisor part time in my local convenience store. I have been there now for over two years following the completion of my Business and Finance course. In total i had been studying business for 5 years. To be truthful, i only started this due to some lacklustre exam results in high school and business studies was the best option available. Originally the job at the convenience store was supposed to be temporary, a quick and easy was of making some money while i looked around for full time work. Obviously this changed. I know i made a few bad decisions in the past regarding my studies, and can now admit to myself that i had no interest in business when i started studying and had even less five years later. But i thought that it held a promising future and stuck with it. I did however refuse to complete the final year and gain a degree due to problems with loans etc. Personally i think i am fairly intelligent, but my biggest flaw is my complete lack of an attention span. In truth i'm a bit of a dreamer. My current job is boring and repetitive and quite frankly is the cause of my slight depression. I have finally had enough and have started looking for full time work, but have now realised that my qualifications mean nothing and ill have to start at the bottom. All the jobs i have got interviews for have been receptionist or aministration work and i know these will fail to hold my interest. And those days when im struck with a sudden determination to find out what i want and go and get it are quickly replaced with the 'i'll do it tomorrow' syndrome. I always think that i should go back and study something that interests me such as cinema or literature but can i really afford another 3-4 years away from the real world? Pay isnt that important, and id rather do something i enjoy and get lttle for it than something i hate and make a fortune. So anyone else in a similar postion? Anyone else thing that maybe all those college/University guidance counsellors failed to really give you a realistic outlook on future prospects?.