miss tabby

How long have you been "exes" for? It is common for feelings to still be there especially if the breakup was amicable and if it was recent. I've never really stayed in touch with any of my ex's due to various reasons. Some you don't want to, some you wish were dead and others you just lose touch with. Although I did run into someone the other day who I went out with briefly and it was nice to chat to him. The last breakup I had was quite nasty and ended by the other person. OF course I still had feelings for him, I was still in love with him when it happened. At first you think you can't be just friends with them. It will probably take a little while for you to work out if you want to still stay in touch with her.

I ended it because I was basically unhappy, bored, and fed up with him. We'd been in HS together and then had gone to separate unis. I was enjoying uni while he wasn't. He ended up dropping out and his behaviour grew increasingly negative and frustrating. He was always bored, but would never do anything about it. He never had enough money, but wouldn't get a job. He didn't drive, but wouldn't learn, etc etc. I was always the "giver" and expected to drag him out of it. In essense, I changed and he didnt. I was looking at other people and didnt want to be with him anymore-it got to the point where I would shirk back during physical contact and I tried to avoid seeing him. Afterwards he didnt handle it well at all. (understatement!) From the day after I ended it I was receiving letters and emails on pretty much a weekly basis begging me to change my mind, to take him back and ever other teen angst first love cliche. Then the letters took on a slightly scary bent-full of "I saw you here on this day, then I saw you here and you were wearing this" kind of things. This coupled with the frequency made me start to feel like I was being stalked. He then threatened to kill himself, to which I finally lost it and called him up and told him to get professional help and leave me alone. I still got a couple of letters after that though. And $200 in gift vouchers for my birthday. He persisted til the end of the year in a way-he sent my mum a birthday card and christmas cards. The clanger is this: A friend of mine paid a drunken post nightclub visit to him and some others one night and called me the next day to tell me that he'd gotten a tattoo since we broke up. "Oh" I said. "What of?" "Your name" replied my friend. I was 18/19 at the time. That was all far too much to deal with. Now see why I dont want to see him? gilgamesh-i will try what you suggested, I have done that before and found it helpful after a few times, the first time it always feels weird.

I felt like throwing up when you said "you might still have feelings for him" Even if I did, I wouldnt act on them. I'm happy with who I have now, and I want to be in a relationship with this current boyfriend. I probably was too hasty in doing it and I was only 18 at the time...but at the same time it wasn't an overnight decision...I did think about it long and hard and I felt better about myself after I ended it. The idea of closure has struck me before...all the relationships I have been in have never ended "properly". However, his behaviour scared me. I dont want to see him/talk to him purely because of the chance he might still have feelings for me, and if I get in contact with him that might be positive reinforcement for him to start hassling me again, and I do not want to go through that again in any way. At the same time, sometimes I think I might feel better and forget about it if I talk to him, but I dont want to for the aforementioned reason. I think what bothers me the most is that i dont KNOW why he wanted to get in contact with me-it makes me uneasy. I'm bothered because I dont want to think about him and I dont enjoy these thoughts. It brings back bad memories of how, well, scared and freaked out I was when he was bombarding me with letters etc.

i posted about this a while back: in a nutshell, this particularly psychotic ex of mine, who was my first serious boyfriend (and vice versa) whom i dumped for various reasons causing him to lose it and basically stalk me and threaten to kill himself and guilt trip me, tried to get in touch with me a while back. maybe a month or so ago? he put me through a lot of trauma in the months following the break up. i havent heard from him personally, he went via a friend of mine who refused to give out my details. i forgot about it for a while, and then all of a sudden it bought back a lot of memories of him-memories that i dont particularly WANT to or ENJOY recalling. and i'm still being bugged by these memories! every day i end up thinking about what a pathetic creature he was/is and how i wish i'd never been involved with me due to his behaviour then and due to the fact he tried to get in touch with me again after about 2 years. in essense, i wish he would just disappear from my memory. i'm with someone else now and even if i wasnt i'd still be feeling like this. so, any ideas on why i'm so plagued? i feel like all these memories have been repressed for a long time and this has triggered them to all come out. i want them back in the box, dammit! i dont plan to contact him b/c i dont really want to, although sometimes i feel like calling him up and giving him a long belated tirade on what a pathetic piece of shit he is. i just want him outta my head. help?

I dont really think that's possible, legally. It was over two years ago, and I don't have any "evidence" whatsoever-the letters were thrown out straight away. Even at the time I dont think it would have been allowed.

Hi there I'm in a relationship at the moment, its going well, love the guy, etc etc. I'm having a normal relationship with a relatively normal person for the first time-no long distance, no screwed up up self esteem, no clinginess- to constantly deal with. We're enjoying being together. A few weeks back a friend of mine emailed me telling me one of my ex's (who I broke up with over 2 years ago) had emailed him wanting my email address. That freaked me out-I dont want to talk to this guy whatsoever. He was the first guy I was involved with seriously, and after I broke up with him (due to various reason mainly cause I was really interested in someone else) he went nuts. Sent me copious letters and emails full of every "take me back" cliche you can imagine, then threatened to kill himself because of me, sent me $200 worth of gifts for my birthday, sent my parents birthday cards, and here's the best bit: got a tattoo with *my* name on it. (After I dumped him) (See why I dont want anything to do with him?) Anyway, since hearing this news from a friend of mine (the ex hasnt succeeded in finding my address and I blocked all my accounts anyway) I've been plagued by thoughts of this pathetic creature. I'm not thinking about getting back with him-far from it. I wish he was out of my life *totally* The fact he tried to contact me means that he's still somewhere in the state, and I'd much rather him be on the other side of the world (Or dead ) I just keep remembering stuff from both when we were together and in the horrible aftermath when he was basically stalking me. I feel almost hunted again, like I did when he was sending me all those letters. The fact that I am thinking about this stuff bugs me. I know hearing that he tried to contact me would have set it off, and the fact I dont know why he wanted to talk to me, but I'm still annoyed by it. It happened over 2 years ago, its buried in my past and I'm happy with someone else. I'd think about him and other ex's every now and then, as we all do, but this has been bugging me for several days now. Does anyone else have a reason for me being bugged by this, or how I can stop it? I want to get it out of my head and focus on my current boyfriend and my life at the moment, not be reminded of bad things from my past. I'm seriously plagued by it-i'm worrying about it (the fact i'm thinking about him in the first place) all the time. I am under a fair bit of stress at the moment, I'm nearly finished my degree and I've been worrying about a lot of things lately. I also recently had mine and my boyfriends 21sts which although fun were kinda stressful. I also tend to worry far too much-the more I think about something the worse it gets. I dunno. I guess this is some kind of freudian repressed guilt coming out, or something psychological related like I'm identifying things I dont want in a relationship.I'm a totally different person now to what I was then too, and I prefer the way I am now. I'm going to bring this up with a counsellor I see too.