J-L-T

You are gorgeous. I am in love with you. My heart hurts.

Day 2. This is the longest we've not spoken, since we met. It's really, really hard. :sad:

Nooooooooooooo. I looked at your stupid profile, on a different account. You blocked my profile, but I got on a different one, you don't know about. I can only really see your info, and main picture. You;ve changed the picture into one of you on stage. You look so fecking good - ugh!!! Why do you have to look so good, it doesn't help! I hate stupid Facebook.

I'm now watching Family Guy. One of our favourites. We would watch it together, and you would laugh so hard. And you would do Stewie's voice PERFECTLY. Damnit, I want to watch it with you right NOW.

I really miss you right now. One minute I'm okay, the next it just hits me. And it takes my breath away. I met my mum's new fella a little while ago. While I want her to be happy, it pierced my heart. Because she had her arm around him, and are now going out. I want that back, I want to hang out with you again. I want you to hold me, kiss me again. Day 1 NC after you said it's best we don't talk. Ugh, this hurts bad. I get pissed at you for doing this.Then I just get sad. And etc. etc. But I know I had a part in it too. I reacted in a bad way, so did you, and everyone got involved and it escalated from there. Maybe you'll regret it with a bit of space. But you said you feel like the damage is done. Maybe it is? But I think we could have TRIED to get through the BS. I wantd to stand by you, eventhough what I found out hurt me a lot, and would have been difficult. I felt you were worth it, but I guess you didn't feel the same. And that' HORRIBLE to admit, I want to make excuses instead. Miss you, baby.

Well, it's been approx 22 hours since I contacted you. And a few hours more since you contacted me. You stopped after I sent those drunken texts. I know I messed up there - what a fool. But I'm not gonna beat myself up about it too much. We all do silly things when emotions are high, right? It's not like you're perfect. But, yes, I do wish I hadn't done that. Maybe you think I'm totally crazy now...I don't know. I don't know what you think. I wish I could be in your head, and read your thoughts, if only for one day. NC has only just started, and it's already hard. I want to talk to you. Even after everything. I don't even know what to say. It's just wanting to talk to you. Or even better, being there with you in your arms again. Having you squeeze me, and look into my eyes like you used to. I wish we could forget anything happened, and just be together again. I know that would be unhealthy in reality, but it's a nice fantasy. It's all been such a confusing break-up, and I know it has for you also. I know you're not just okay, and life is hard for you too. I was always there for you though. I comforted you, wiped your tears. And I kinda want to break my phone. Why do I keep it on me all the time, just incase you text or call? Ugh. I want you.

And I knew this would happen. Ignoring me now. Really it's probably for the best anyways. I know we should probably go NC anyway, at least for a while. But ugh, this all sucks. I can't believe I got all drunk, and sent all those texts. GAH, I must've looked like a stalker. But I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't really matter. It's over anyway, right...so...meh. A part of me just want to get over you, and think it wouldn't work. Another part of me just doesn't feel right. Like this shouldn't be it, we could have worked sh!t out. But there's nothing I can do now anyway. Maybe things would have been better if everybody didn't get involved right after we split - so uch drama. But you must have liked the drama somewhat. You kinda kept it going, didn't you. I've been here before, I'll be alright in time. But yeah, some moments it hits me hard, and takes my breath away. I thought we had something special. I'll never forgive you telling me you love me too, the night before, though. And then basicaly threw it back into my face. Well, I have a feeling you'll maybe be back one day. But maybe that's rubbish, and wishful thinking. Either way, for now, it's goodbye.

Please come back to me. Please. I miss you so much. The pain I feel tonight is unberable. I wish I could make you realise how much I love you. That I'm willing to do anything to make things right. But I already told you that. You say that nothing I can say will change your mind, because you don't believe things would change. But OMG, there was so much GOOD as well. I thought there was a lot more good than bad. Maybe you didn't, I guess? I hate how it's just like you're dead to me now. I don't want you to be with anyone else, it's meant to be you and me. I had a dream last night that I begged you not to go with someone else. We were both crying our eyes out, but you still said "I can't do it anymore" Just like what happened when you ended it. When you hugged me, I was sure I could win you back. But even after saying you'll miss me, crying, etc. you're still not back. The last times I've spoken to you, you've made it clear you didn't want to be. Cutting the conversation off etc. It's a month today you walked out on me. I wonder what you think when you think of me. There's so much more I could say...