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oceanblue535

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Everything posted by oceanblue535

  1. oceanblue535
    I never thought you could not love me once we fell in deep (or I guess I should say I fell in deep and you just pretended). Now, I'm so confused. You may be sad about us breaking up for awhile, but not the way i've felt. Yours will be just a slight loss; mine is a heartbreak. I told you that you had the power to destroy me, and you did. I wonder if you have found me posting on here too. I really hope not.
  2. oceanblue535
    I'm in a weird place now. It's not the pain of the first two weeks. It's like my head and heart are on even playing grounds. Surprisingly, I've had moments where my head was reminding me why I loved him, not my heart. Either way, he's gone. His head & heart told him not me, so I must keep going. Last night one of our mutual friends told me she was going to beat him up when I hadn't even mentioned it. It was strange... I said... ex who? lol I tell myself over and over he's probably with someone else already, so that when then time comes that I have to see them together, I'll be more prepared. It probably won't work though. There will be no pain like seeing him with someone else. And for people to say you shouldn't worry about that... you can't control it. You still care about them, so of course you don't want them with anyone else. As far as my prospects... so many guys have tried to start things.. flirting with me... touching me.. texting me.. etc. No one up to standards yet, whatever those are. I don't even know if the ex fits those standards anymore. I'm kind of just going with whatever happens. Nothing makes you feel like you have no control until someone you loved and trusted walks out on you out of nowhere.
  3. oceanblue535
    I dream of my ex and my ex ex last night. Sometimes it feels I'm mourning them both. Either way... I'm CHOOSING to free myself from this * * * * . Begin the purge. No more my ex. He's cut from my life.
  4. oceanblue535
    Not much to update on.. when I'm out and about you're in the back of my mind. When I'm alone, I get emotional and lonely. It feels like this will never end. I didn't do anything.. and you were SO MEAN to me. Looking back, I can't believe how you were treating me right before you dumped me.. you must really dislike me now. bleh.
  5. oceanblue535
    I still miss you all the time, but I have no choice but to keep going. I avoid you like a creepy ghost who could pop out and scare the * * * * outta me at any moment. I have my laughter back. I really am starting to feel normal again, despite the constant longing/fear of you.
  6. oceanblue535
    I saw you today. But, "You don't, you don't see me. You don't see me at all." Trying to make myself hate you, but then I remember some of the nice things you used to do. Maybe I'll forget this in time. I'm doing better.
  7. oceanblue535
    This is the first day I've felt normal again. I'm laughing and socializing and feel great. Well, I didn't after I saw you (I don't think you saw me). My face turned red and I started shaking. I think I passed you again, but I didn't look well enough to be sure. You looked.. different. Like an alien.. I guess that's what time does. I also passed your ex who I used to hate, but now I really don't care. Ironic...
  8. oceanblue535
    End of the day. You choose over and over to not contact me. Not looking to possibly seeing you or getting asked questions by our friends tom. yuck.
  9. oceanblue535
    I want someone who is absolutely crazy about me, and I deserve that.
  10. oceanblue535
    ......................
  11. oceanblue535
    I just miss you. We should be cuddling in our beds or walking on campus together. I still have no clue why you left.
  12. oceanblue535
    I know I shouldn't look. It didn't help to see this really angry, vague status he put up. Maybe I should join the challenge.. I'm feeling kind of weird tonight.. in a sentimental mood. Dear ex, I just want you to be happy. I want you to find love and live a fulfilling, wonderful life, even if that means not being with me. I realize you might have really screwed me over and lied to me (this hasn't been confirmed), but that doesn't change the special love/connection we had for awhile. There will always be part of you in my heart. I am worried about you. I hope you're okay. I miss you. Good night.
  13. oceanblue535
    Didn't think we'd go this long without talking. I've been feeling better... the depression is gone for now. I think it's because change is in store. I'm going back to my friends and a busy life. I wish you were still going to be in it. the best parts of the week was coming home to you at night. For some reason, I wanted to check your facebook today. I don't know why.. I knew it would end in disaster. It wasn't as bad as the last time I looked. That girl who I warned you to stay away from still comments on your wall. That isn't any of my business now though. I'm sorry I looked. I guess I just wanted to see if you had started to erase evidence of us... like our pictures and my comments, but you haven't. I find this strange. It's the same strangeness as you looking at my site. Why would you want a reminder of me? False hope? Idk. I think the hope is pretty much dead at this point. My head is starting to cut off any good memories of us. I don't want to move on, but I also deserve to be happy. I deserve someone who would NVR walk away from me because they love me so much... someone who would work out any problem with me and not run away. I deserve that love. Someday, I'm gonna find it. Too bad it wasn't you. I wanted it to be you.
  14. oceanblue535
    When I lose hope, it's depression. When I don't, I can function. My second ex cut all ties with me as soon as he dumped me and never looked back... i haven't spoken to him in a yr and a half ish. he even deleted our fb connections, but he kept my number and txted me by mistake once. We practically are strangers now. The recent ex has kept many mutual friends like my mom on fb, so he can still see a lot of things about me. He also checked my personal blog I update all the time. Why? Why dump someone but still keep indirect contact? When you dump them, I believe you should never give them false hope. It only kills the dumpee. I don't understand ppl. This is the first time in days where I've been numb.. or maybe i'm in denial again. The hope is confident again. I have no control over it. I guess I won't move on until I see you with someone else. I'm sure you will find someone quickly to replace me. That's just how my life works when it comes to guys I fall in love with. I'm easy come, easy go to them. Maybe I need to think of how you haven't spoken a word to me for two weeks. That should be a clear cut sign... you're happier without me. end of story. you'd rather be alone than have me around to do things with you or cuddle in your bed... etc. The truth hurts. Accept this heart. Accept it so we can move forward to someone who wants me.
  15. oceanblue535
    I miss you. I wish my heart would give up so I wouldn't be depressed and terrified of going back to school, but it won't.
  16. oceanblue535
    Day 10 Why are you looking at my site? You said, "I can't do this anymore." "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells." "I'm scared." All you're doing is kicking me while I'm down and fueling false hope. I think you've done enough damage
  17. oceanblue535
    I hate you... and your lil * * * * , too.
  18. oceanblue535
    Feeling really depressed today. No crying yet, but sad. I had to write a mean & accusatory message on my web site he was stalking so he would let us both move on and heal. I liked seeing his name come up on my tracker, but my brain told me it wasn't helping anything.. just false hope. I don't know why you had to go and ruin us. I also don't know why you broke my heart and are looking at my site. The silence is loud again. Maybe you really did fall out of love with me. Just let me lie in my dark cave for awhile until I'm ready to come out. Don't make it any worse on me.
  19. oceanblue535
    Day 4 * * * * you.. * * * * you... * * * * you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  20. oceanblue535
    you * * * * ing idiot. never know what you had til it's gone. it's gonna hit you hard. five days you bastard.
  21. oceanblue535
    Thanks for being exactly who you said you wouldn't be.
  22. oceanblue535
    I miss you so much. I cried all day. I even threw up. I want you here so badly. It was us against the world. What happened? How did they get you? Please just come home into my arms. Let's work out our problems and be sickeningly happy like before. I don't know why you had to do this. I miss you. I love you. I'll forgive you.
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