Fudgie

Just now, Batya33 said:

So same issues here but also a shortage. More in the nanny type arena. We don’t need a nanny or a sitter so we’re lucky. Never had a regular one but even as I see it house cleaners are in great demand and hard to come by. And forget about handymen or ladies or home renovators etc. anyway I hope you find your Jay Cleaver (he/his??). I’m jealous of Jibralta lol!

LOL, I am jealous as well. I have given up and no longer look/date/remain open, no Mr. Cleaver for me. It's best not to get my hopes up with something that won't happen. Thankfully, I have money to throw at the problem, it's the labor shortage and health risk that stops me now. 

Money doesn't buy happiness but it makes you comfortable. 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Outsource is key. But at least around here the pandemic made it much more challenging to hire people. 

It's been really hard, yes. Currently don't have anyone coming over to do the cleaning and organizing for me, stopped in Feb/March 2020. I'm eager to start again but not sure when it will be safe, if it ever will be. But this is my only option going foeward. 

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I get it.  I do. I hope you find it !!

Haha, it's a pipe dream, I gave up looking! I pay for someone else to do that work.

Ohhh that's what you meant, Batya, my bad! And yes, I agree, what you describe is not desirable for anyone, really. 

I just want a male June Cleaver 😭

18 minutes ago, dias said:

A guy who has money can get many girls, a woman who has money can't get any guys, unfair world huh? lol One of the times it's good to be a guy. 

I am pretty sure you can find a guy who would like to be a stay at home partner. Maybe not the cream of guys but hey greed isn't good lol

 

Oh trust me, tons of men would love to stay at home. The issue is that the vast majority of them want children (hard no) and/or they aren't domestic and won't actually tend to the house and chores. If I'm the sole breadwinner, I am not doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Fair's fair.

Lots of men want a woman with money to leech off of. But I won't tolerate making all the money AND having to do household stuff so at this point, it's easier to stay single and just pay someone else to do it for me. Maybe I'm actually saving money in the end. I grew up in a well-off setting and have met a lot of guys from rich families but they are still more traditional and I would be expected to drop down in my career, no doubt. 

I bring this up to OP because as they say, you don't get something for nothing. If you want a rich guy, you better be of his caliber and/or be a bombshell. Statistically, the woman will take on the lionshare of the household duties, even if she has a good career too. 

Just be prepared. 

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I knew men typically disliked - in a traditional relationship- a woman who couldn’t take off her professional hat and insisted on taking the lead much as she did at work.

This has been my experience too, sadly. I wish it weren't this way but it is. 

I can't speak for high earning men but speaking for myself, I make an upper/middle class income as a single woman. I would certainly date again if I could net myself a man that would stay home and take care of the house/cook/clean/do errands/be handy/do laundry/organize and then using all the other time to pursue his own hobbies/passions (not addictions) that I may not share but don't find unbearable. I know from past relationships that I loved it when I was "cared for" by partners domestically. 

It's a pipe dream but I know it doesn't exist as I also value other traits that are uncommon, so I am remaining single and I pay for a maid service and other things. 

The "kept spouse" with quite unequal dynamics is definitely not in vogue as it once was. Raise yourself higher to meet those who you want to reach. That's what it takes these days. 

Thanks for all the replies. Yeah, I guess I was really overthinking it. I started wearing the ring on my left ring finger and I love it, feels perfect. I already have two on my right ring finger (small rings). I have an older silver ring with fossilized amber that I need to get resized and I can wear that too. 

Life is short, wear the ring!

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

If a potential coworker is so bored or has so little going on in their life that they focus on your rings...well, they're petty anyway and will always find something to gossip about.

But again, I think you're doing what my mother called borrowing trouble. Worrying about something that probably will never happen.

Could it be that maybe you feel like you would be doing something "sketchy" or misleading, and you're projecting it onto future potential coworkers? Because I really can't imagine anyone will care, but maybe you do?

I don't feel I'm doing anything sketchy, no. However, I'm going into a role where trust is pretty damn important among colleagues so I'm looking to see if there are things I may do that will hinder or foster that. 

Growing up, I was told absolutely not to wear a ring on the left ring finger unless engaged/married. My mother in particular didn't like me doing it when I was younger even though I feel, as a right-handed person, it's the most "natural" ring finger for me. 

I don't feel that I'm projecting but I probably do have some lingering ambivalence due to that aspect of my upbringing. My parents are not super traditional but they express worry that I don't date anymore. My dad especially. My mom really hopes I'll find someone in the future and voices worry/displeasure when I scoff at the suggestion of meeting someone, even someone "good" through their networks, maybe a doctor or a lawyer. They don't really seem to understand my viewpoint or my reasoning for doing what I do and it's kind of frustrating but I will carry on regardless. 

13 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Still applies. A potential employer isn't going to pass over a well qualified candidate who is skilled, professional and has a great work history and ethic because they wear a ring on a certain finger. 

I've done a lot of hiring and not once have I even looked at a candidate's rings or noticed what finger they're on.

 

Honestly, I'm not worried about not being hired/promoted because of this. I'm more concerned about potentially damaging future (not current, because I don't care) colleague rapport because maybe someone (man or woman doesn't matter) thinks what I'm doing is sketchy and having that affect my job somehow. 

I clearly overestimated the importance of ring placement and overthought it, that much is obvious. I can't assume that working in my current workplace (almost 2y now) isn't affecting me somehow, despite me being spared from the toxicity. It has put me on "high alert" regardless. I haven't changed myself or what I do at work, but I definitely have to be mindful. So that's a good point Rosse. 

God, healthcare is so toxic sometimes. I like most of my coworkers but the few bad apples (including my boss, who likes to spread rumors about others, will feed you fake info to see if you gossip about her, etc.) poison the bushell. 

At the end of the day, it's more a paycheck, not a passion, but I don't hate what I do and it's interesting, so that's alright with me. 

Oh I'm not worried about my current job at all. It's a toxic mess but I'm not affected. Been there really awhile, no one bothers me anymore. I don't care if anyone asks at my job, although I doubt it, the nosy busybodies think I live a life of carefree frivolity because I told them I like video games 🙃 so they leave me alone (yay) so I'll definitely be wearing that ring around them. 

I'm thinking more about the future, in a matter of months, when my role is changing completely and fostering appropriate rapport and not wanting people to think I'm sketchy. 

Haha that is a funny reply! 😆 If only I could say that (even though I'm not meeting up with anyone for frolics) 

2 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Wear the ring on any finger you prefer.  If anyone asks your marital status, simply tell the truth by saying that even though you're not married, you like the ring on your left finger, it fits and that's that. 

I doubt anyone cares about your personal life and jewelry symbolism at the workplace.  Usually, people are preoccupied with working and couldn't care less about your hands and jewelry or at least this has been my experience at the workplace. 

Yes, I'm hoping to find a similar workplace, at least to start. My goal is to do more contract-type stuff and WFH, as this career is extremely amenable to that and I'll have a lot of opportunities. I've had several offers (I know a ton of people in the field) but I may need to work a M-F type job for a while and I'm crossing my fingers that it will be drama - free.

My current workplace is a toxic cesspool, just being honest. It hasn't really affected me because I put my head down and do my best to appear non-threatening to the "trouble-makers" but it's been hell for some of my coworkers. I don't want to work in such a place again. 

tattoobunnie,

That's an interesting article! It's sad, but yeah, I can see that happening.

For the record, I have no "rocks". I wear gloves and I don't want to risk a snag, plus I don't like how "rocks" feel. My rings are either simple bands with or without gemstones embedded (no diamonds), either silver or gold because I don't like anything that "sticks out", does that sense? I love opal, obsidian, peridot, etc. 

21 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I am assuming that one day you would like a romantic partner in your life

That's a fair assumption but no, I don't want a romantic partner someday. My therapist is aware and she is supportive. I feel a lot better physically and emotionally as I am now and instead of trying to "fix" myself, I began to wonder if it was really worth it for me. I decided last year to just embrace myself as I am and I continue to reap the benefits. 

About 20 lb to go and then I'm at my goal weight (no longer overweight or juusstt barely overweight from a BMI standpoint) and then I'm going to have surgery. I like the person that I see in the mirror now. I think she's looking pretty good. 

I do miss ENA though and miss contributing on here but I feel as though I don't have much to contribute in this realm anymore but ah well. 

Yeah, I guess I was overthinking it. I won't sweat it. I'm going to wear my resin ring on my left ring finger. It just fits better there.

Lambert, I appreciate the sentiment but I'm okay, promise. Just both nervous and eager for the next stage in my career and yeah, that's probably leading to some overthinking on my part, which I tend to do at times. I take a few antidepressant medications and while I haven't gone to therapy really recently, I do have her to reach out to if I need to. Mentally, I feel solid, better than I have in years in fact. My biggest mental set-back was getting covid recently but I've powered through (although my nose is still healing). 

This particular ring can't be resized. It's made of resin and some other things. I love it but no, no resizing. 

I used to dislike rings but now I love them as I've discovered rings I like that are more simple, solid, no gemstones sticking out to snag. I don't know, just something I've gotten into. I guess my self expression is limited in other ways (I don't have tattoos, same hair style for almost 20 years, non descript clothes) so this is one accessory that definitely pleases me. 

I've been wearing the same rings for 6+ months now, once they are on I don't take them off except for a few circumstances. 

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

That means that you will be engaged in less then 6 months lol

Anyway, jokes aside, I dont really think men care that much about the ring or not. I particularly think that you shouldnt care what they think if its true that you dont want to change your status. Unless, maybe from some reason you do actually care about men approaching you.

My concern re: work is less about bosses or managers above me (as you said, they would know my status regardless) but more about colleagues I may work with, and not just men, but maybe women too. Would I possibly be seen as untrustworthy or shady if I wore a ring on that finger and then they somehow find out I don't have someone at home? And then this could negatively impact my job somehow? In my field (healthcare/psych), it's quite important, to have rapport with your colleagues because I'm going to be conferring with them quite a bit. I don't want to jeopardize that. 

Maybe I was overthinking. I suppose if I am wearing multiple rings (which I am), then it shouldn't matter. Or just joke if someone expresses surprise "so many rings, so few fingers teehee" 

In terms of being approached, anything that reduces the chance is good in my book but that's not really what I'm concerned about here. As I get further away from past relationships in terms of time and if I don't mention them, I feel confident that I can present myself as someone who has never had interest. 

But yeah, that's it! 

I don't much care about what anyone thinks in terms of my personal life. Work/career is a different story, at least for now. I would not want a ring placement to be the reason that I miss out on something (money wise that is).

I suppose I was overthinking things. It's good to get feedback. Thanks guys. 

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Personally, I don’t think it matters . If anyone gets mad that is on them . 

I don't think it should either, but I don't know if I am overthinking things. 

Wasn't sure where to put this. 

In the past couple years, I've gotten really into rings. I usually wear a few, no big expensive stones or anything, I like having wearing several simple rings, some of which now have some sentimental value to me. 

I have one in particular that seems to fit my left ring finger perfectly (it's not a kind of ring that I could have resized) and I want to wear it there but I'm not sure if I "should" because I am not married. I am less concerned about what people in my personal circle think of it but I'm wondering about career ramifications or making someone mad in that circle. Maybe I'm overthinking it? Does it really even matter these days?

This past year, I've undergone a lot of physical changes in addition to other (positive) ones. Lost 50+ lb after changing my lifestyle, nailed my skincare routine, etc. I've noticed people (namely, men) seem to treat me a bit differently, in work setting that is, as I don't really meet new people outside of work. I think I'm getting hit on more, from what I can see. I don't particularly care if someone at work thinks I'm married when I'm not but I am concerned that if they find out that I'm not, that they will be somehow think less of me for "leading them on" with ring placement and this could come back to bite me in the butt. 

For the record (for anyone who doesn't know me here), I'm early 30s, highly educated, female, no kids, single for 2+ years and no desire to change any of that at any point. I'm undergoing a big, big step in my career and don't want to mess this up. 

Wow Batya, that's crazy that she would admit that to you, as her boss!

Hanging in there, I'll get better. 

BTW, Carnatic, I think it's okay to say, if you're having a bad time and it's somehow noticiable, just something like "oh, I have a lot on my plate today" or "it's just one of those days". You don't have to go into details. You don't have fake a smile and say that nothing is wrong, but wouldn't go into details or allude to mental illness or struggling. The stigma should not be there, it's dumb, but don't let this be a tripping point for you.