Please help.
Two years ago I met a fantastic girl. Incredibly she fell head over heels for me. I will be the first to admit that this was unexpected - frankly I have an inferiority complex which still dogs me. Anyway, things were better than I could have dreamed for a long time - within a year she was biting at the bit to take things to next stage with children and marriage. Ironically, if I could turn back time, I would jump at the chance now but I admit that I was not confident enough of the situation to ever take the leap of faith.
Then I had cancer. She was amazing for me - a complete angel. Whereas we had quickly become best friends after going out, she became my soul mate. She laughed, hoped and cried with me - she knew my darkest fears and my greatest dreams. After I recovered, I looked forward to finally being able to live my life after putting everything on hold for a year.
However, she recently told me that she thinks she may have fallen out of love with me. I really don't know what to do. I do understand to an extent - for a long time, she became my carer and I must have seemed more like a dependent than a lover. But we still had the best times together. She feels that the relationship has become all too comfortable and 'nice' and misses how it used to be. In fact a large part of this was to do with a colleague of hers at work who is giving her 'first crush' feelings. It came as a total shock to me - the fool who was secretly saving for a wedding and ring. Bubble burst, I am desperately trying to get us to give it a another go. But she won't commit to even trying. I know that we still have feelings for each other and when we leave our troubles behind, we still have a fab time. But she appears to be convinced that it's all doomed, that it'll never be the same again - she says that she maintains hope that 'something will happen' but how can it if both of us aren't pulling the same direction? This wait and see is slowly killing the relationship by default. It's almost like she's scared she will fall again. She has been in relationships as far as she can remember and has wondered whether she might be better off on her own for a while. She has always been footloose. How can I convince her that the 'love' we have is something that is not common and is worth trying to save?
I trust her not to cheat on me but none of this is helping my self-confidence which has taken a battering as well as my heart. I feel like I'm battling for my life but she doesn't seem to be possessed of the same urgency. We have an appointment with a counselor but I fear she is just trying to rationalise the fall-out of our relationship. It's difficult - I have tried everything from surprise dates and dinners to talking things out with her - we are still very affectionate and still make love - sometimes I think real progress has been made and we have a day 'just like one of the heady early days' but the next morning she has reasserted her pessimistic view of the relationship again and annulled any progress from the previous day. I'm really at my wits end and can feel her slipping through my fingers unless I can get her snap out of her malaise.
The irony is she 'fell out of love' with her last boyfriend and the catalyst for this realization was having a crush on me. What can I do to stop histroy repeating ????
