skrob

I was also googled the terms "I want to kill myself" and I got to this board and I am glad that I did find it. This is for Rain Man and everyone and myself I'm 25 and I'm a guy that believes in everything but for the last 8 9 months it as been hell.Its like a darkness black hole in my heart and it is getting bigger every day like I lost everything that I lived for.Everyday is the same story in my head......why did I left my job that I could do anything in my spare time without thinking....can't work out anymore because of the money....can't draw anymore because I have no more time......the only thing I have is making music.....I want to die because I chop my life to 3/4 of what I was doing......I didn't expect people to be that depressed about what life can be after leaving my job......the world is completely out of control.......everything is about making money and screw up your positive spiritual emotions......its all about coming in and coming out to your job and care for nothing else.....etc why quitting my job that I really loved and felt safe for a job that I really hate.Its not related just to the job but also related to what I was doing in my personal life.Its worst, I just don't know how to express this feeling but all I can say its like a big living nightmare but still alive.Trying my best to replace this black and empty hole with music and art somehow to make me feel better or safe but the next day is the same negative thinking.But in the end I know somehow that I need to stay alive because I believe that many other people that I don't know yet will need my energy of life to continue there passage to fulfill there dreams.If I do kill myself everything changes and some will quit there dreams.You live for others even if you never saw them in you entire life.Just the FAQ that your still alive in the motion of energy makes them live.A girl that your suppose to met that brings you to another completely different world that you never thought before.She is met to be with you but if you left your physical form of life she will loose the guy that she dreamed about every day,which is in the same situation that you have. All of these thoughts keeps me alive because I know something will come up and inspire me beyond anything I have never thought before could be or seen from nowhere.Its like a glimpse of believing in life like what I wrote now.I never thought that I would write this much when I started to write this.Maybe there's a reason for it to help you or others that I will never met. It keeps me thinking that if I was gone I wouldn't enjoy writing this but I did.It all comes to creation and being patience and wait.It feels good to write but at the beginning it was not quite positive.Even if my writing is confusing to others.What matters is to express ourselves through this gift that life have to offer.Don't have to believe in god or Jesus, all I say is to believe in ourselves for others.You can see how my text changed to negative to positive.Its all the same with your life, you may be negative and posest by depression but positive emotions will come like the text I wrote.Just be patience again sorry for the writing Skrob if anyone wants to talk and express what you feel please feel free to ask or pm and I will send you and add you on msn messenger