tayandie412

There was a song with that lyric back in the day - and I feel like I'm living it right now. I have been seeing someone for 4 months now, but have known him for about ten months. We have both been married before and each have been divorced for over two years. When we first started seeing each other we agreed that we should take it slow and get to know each other. Over time, I have become emotionally attatched. I believe that he does not want to be emotionally attatched to me due to the baggage from prior relationships, not trusting... etc. He has asked me to give him one day at a time, and in the relationship I think I can do that. The problem I am having is that he keeps talking about moving 1400 miles away, within the next 6 months or so. One day he is going to move, the next day maybe he won't. He knows he is at a crossroads in his life. I am trying to be supportive, and I really care about this man, but I feel like I'm waiting around for him to decide if and when I will fit into his life. We do not refer to each other in boyfriend/girlfriend terms, we do not present ourselves as a 'couple' per se. Yet, if I make plans to meet a male friend after work, he gets very upset. I'm getting such mixed signals. I've never used the 'L' word, but if he would let me, I could love him very easily. I just don't know how long I can walk on eggshells and wonder where my place is in his life. Can anyone offer some guidance? Thanks.

Hi Ash. This is a very interesting question. I have been divorced. During the breakup and divorce I didn't even think about what life was going to be like. I couldn't even imagine it. I was married young, and was married for 18 years. In a way, I'm glad I couldn't see down the road. Not that it has been hell, or a complete bad experience. Its just that it can be overwhelming at times. I have made mistakes, some bad relationships - the whole nine yards. The real kicker here though is that I realize that I have learned from the mistakes. And I have not lost the belief that there will be someone out there for me that I will have an adult, healthy, sharing relationship with. I believe that with all my heart. My way to get through is to not lose hope, to walk through the doors that open, keep an open mind, and when the mistakes knock you over the head, LEARN from them. What a journey... what a journey....

I have been seeing someone for about 6 weeks. We are taking things slow, "a day at a time". He has been married several times before, and I have been married once before, so we are not kids by any means. Hence, taking it SLOW... LOL In the last couple of days he has said things like "My friend so and so asked if I've married you yet because I don't see him anymore" and "WE should do such and such". When a guy starts saying things like this is he testing to see your reaction, or is he actually letting it slip that maybe you could be someone he sees in his life long term? Any ideas? Thanks.

I wish I could vote one way or the other in your situation. I have been in the exact same place, and did it over a span of 18 years. It is not easy, and I don't envy you for the road you are on. In my case, I ended up asking for a divorce after 18 yrs of marriage. I got the same response from my ex - "I'll change", "I don't understand", shock - you name it. I was just so tired of being with someone but emotionally alone at that point in time I was unable to work things out with him. We divorced, have remained 'friends' for the sake of our sons. He met a woman and has remarried, and he thanked me for initiating the break. He was unhappy too, but unable to realize while we were together. I spent so much time and energy and emotion beating myself up over tearing my boys lives apart and my ex. In the end it just wasn't the case. It has been difficult, but it was for the best. I wish you the best.

I've recently started seeing someone, and I need some advice. He is a man I've known for a couple of years as an aquaintance, but just started to get to know in the past 6 months, and started seeing each other about a month ago. We have had a physical relationship, but very early into this we talked about really wanting to get to know each other, and sometimes the physical relationship can make things go faster than they should. So, for the most part we have a great and caring friendship, and we spend time talking and doing things we mutally enjoy. He has been married 'several' times, and is really wanting to get to know someone before the relationship escalates. I admire him for this, because he is sending me a signal that I am worth getting to know. My problem is that I am having a hard time expressing my affection for him in nonsexual ways. From the time I was young, I learned to express my feelings by sleeping with my boyfriends or my husband when I was married. I really like this man, and I don't want to mess things up with him by pushing. How do I break this chain and begin to show my affection for him outside of the bedroom? I feel this is such a strange question to come from a 38 year old woman - but I know I need to get beyond this or I will continue to have bad relationships. BTW - when we had sex it was GREAT. No problems there. Also, he tells me everyday I am the sweetest girl he's ever met. Could it be that I've actually met a man who might care about me in more than just a sexual way??? Any insights out there? Thanks.