deepnadig

before i tell u anything,i ll tell about myself. my greatest wish was to be like OTHER people. they seemed to have a user manual how to live, i didn't.since the day i can think, i ve been trying to formulate a reasonable philosophy to live. i read some of the replies, people telling to borrow someone's philosophy,accept concepts like god, soul..., i can't. if i have visual errors, i ll get my set of opticals, not someone else' . the concept of god seems illogical,unacceptable. i m not keen on pursuing my suicidal ideations, 'coz i know its the end, blame my instincts, but i know death s waiting, and i m gaining anything more, but,i want to live, like others, i want to be obsessed about something and run to it. 25 yrs of life, 10 years being successful in the rat-race, 8 years interacting with humans[being a surgeon],3 years of self-analysis, i m still lost. what if i dont find my reasons? others may come up with a disorder , say, RAINMAN syndrome.no one probably will ever understand me, all i have now is a life with no meaning , no purpose at all. all i do is make a choice,every moment, every breath,to try to live or die.