reastie

Hi guys my previous story is on the story,, breakup or not? Well still absolutely nothing and whereas last week feeling more positive, over the weekend and today I feel awful, still expecting her to call and at least let me know the situation in her mind. Reading on here, which is what I seem to do a lot in my spare time, I see that many people are just left without really an explaination. Last week I saw the positives of my singleness, the negatives of our relationship, over the past few days I can only focus on missing her. People tell me she can't have loved me if she hasn't spoken to me yet, she must either be a great actress or at least convinced herself she did. I feel I am still clinging on now to thoughts of maybe eventually her coming back, even though I think it isn't for the best. I hung around with female friends a bit over the weekend and all I seemed to do was miss my girlfriend when they weren't the same as her, Make sense??? So my question is do I send the email I have written below and hope that gives me some closure, or carry on not talking but probably hurting and waiting for her to call, I can't fathom that she can just turn so uncaring but again seem to read that a lot in here. We have certain things like possessions at each others houses which I guess we could ignore but also joint gym membership which she pays into my account and then I pay so there will have to be some contactm also each others flat keys. Pkease advise me the email I haven't sent is below, many thanks . Well , the lack of contact shows me there is a lack of love from you to me. I'm not angry at you for that, it is thereforeeee better that if that is the case we aren't in a relationship so you have done the right thing. I wish we could have been a bit more mature and sit down and have a discussion about it, I feel whatever anyone does after 3 years they deserve that. I didn't cheat on you or hit you and tried to make you happy. On the way back from Gleneagles you informed me that you are going home as soon as possible and that meant we couldn't go out together. By the time we got home you apologised and because you were drunk I forgave you, the fact you can't or don't want to brings me to the conclusion at the top. You needn't fear me trying to convince you to get back with me because you will know what you feel, if you don't want to be with me after 3 years then you never will. I have been expecting you to call even if I tried to stop myself, I genuinely thought that you'd call to at least inform me that we are completely done, or you're thinking on things etc, So far you have just shouted at me last Sunday morning. Not a way a mature couple end things. So anyway if I get no reply from you on this I will presume you don't want that sensible conversation or have any hope for us, I wont be contacting you again because the way you are currently ending it, it wont help either of us. If I don't hear from you, take the best care of yourself and be happy.

Openheart, thanks for replying. After 5 days of nothing from her I feel strangely happy about my future. Due to that I feel a guilt that I'm letting go easily, that's not saying that I don't miss her. I feel positives about the future without her and bad about that if that makes sense to anyone???? Part of me really hopes she feels the same way whilst at the same time, not resentment but curiosity and hurt that she can just leave so much unsaid. I want to speak to her but at the same time I hope she doeasn't call me until I feel a bit stronger that I will say no if she wants to get back together. I genuinely feel although we love each other, at least what I thought, it's for the best we don't get back together. Is this selfish, does anyone at all understand where I'm coming from?

Well it sounds to me like your feelings for him are already at that stage where you could go to just being friends, which says definitely that you're better off not being together as a couple. Maybe he is feeling the same if he has been cheating on you, you will only find out with an honest discussion with him. Personally speaking at the moment I couldn't be friends with my ex, split for a week and going out 3 years because even though I know it's for the best ( her doing) I would still want to give her a hug when I met her, want to know what she's up to, really hurt if she met someone else etc. Every situation is different though, maybe you both are already there. You have to be careful though that he just says he wants to be friends just to remain close to you, still harbouring hopes of getting back togehter because he wont move on and you will have to do another break up conversation further down the road. On another quick note, a girlfriend and I split after a couple of years going together just before we went to college and I had a fantastic time, the break up was her doing but at college you make friends so easily and meet so many of the opposite sex that you'll meet somone you like if and when you are ready. I'm sure loads of people will not agree but I am glad and got so much more out of being single in that time of my life. Again hope it all works out as you want it to.

I think you have to be true to yourself and whereas some people maybe don't feel the need to break up face to face, after 3 years where you genuinely love someone, I think it's important for your own healing and closure that you feel you did things the right way whatever that is for you. I feel personally speaking because I am going through something a bit similar that resorting to doing things out of any nastiness or even that aren't true to your personality you will regret later, even if the other partner maybe didn't cover themseves in glory. It sounds like you are doing the right things to me, friendship will either be there or it wont, only time will tell. You and he will need space and time to get to that point though, I doubt it can just get there straight away. Anyway good luck with doing what you think is best.

Hi well there has been no reply and I don't think in the near future there will be any. I think I have to move on, I know it hasn't been long but really starting to think if she loved me then it wouldn't be such a big deal to forgive. I guess she feels i broke up with her yet I feel like it is her doing despite my muck up. There were certain situations around our future that made it hard, but I thought hard shouldn't be the end. Everyone I speak to thinks she is treating me really badly by not contacting me but I guess they're getting only my point of view, I don't know her point though. Feel hurt by her but think she feels the same way. She seems incredibly angry with me but I suspect it might be her making herself angry at me as a way of stopping herself from feeling guilt or hurt because this is possibly what she was kind of planning. I don't think I should contact her at all, we still have keys for each others flat and she owes me money, I know she wouldn't deliberately not give me it but think she has forgotten and feel I can't ask for it and keep at least a slight bit of a moral high ground. Also starting to think that although I love her so much, the situation isn't totally what I want and at times, betwen really missing her, feel a slight weight of my shoulders. Also she will know how much I'm hurting and she doesn't seem to care, could I ever trust her again? Ideally if there was no way forward together, I'd want to finish with a sensible discussion and an amicable parting so we could after a sizeable break at least keep in some sort of contact maybe. Is the amicable discussion either realistic or needed? I want her to be happy, i really do and if she doesn't want to have me then I would want her to know that I will always be ther for her, if she really needed me. I stress not as a doormat but as a genuine friend, she was and I guess will be one of the loves of my life. I am going to start NC tomorrow, at least on my side. Any thoughts?

I haven't given it to her yet!!

Well still no contact but I have bought a nice V-card and in it explained how I feel. That I'm sorry, I love her I want to get back with her and that if she, like I do think we're a good couple then we can work our way through harder bits together like good relationships do. Also that if not then if she explains her reasons to me then I will leave her alone. Hope this wasn't a mistake and there was no massive romantic gesture but the truth, as I hate playing games and even though it may seem like I'm losing a bit of dignity telling her everything that is going to build up her self esteem, I feel that it's saying what i want to say in not too a begging way. The worst thing she could do is not answer. If she does then either we get back together, if she wants a bit of space I give it her or I have an amicable break up then NC for a while. Maybe I'm being optimistic about a) her getting back to me, and b) my reactions to a negative response but I know she at least used to care a lot about me and I will at least know one way or another which is so much better than just this uncertainty. What does anyone think?

I think you possibly might have a point but in the mean time I'm trying to hope not. I'm trying to be positive, if she loves me enough then she will hopefully come back to me and if not then, maybe we're both better off out. That at least makes sense for a couple of minutes in between my 12 hour shifts of desperately wanting her back I think I have given her the perfect opportunity to get out, and I guess that'll make the getting over harder. I think it's a waiting game and I know it hasn't been long compared to most in here but it already seems an age.

My girlfriend and I of 3 years next March possibly broke up over the weekend. The possibly comes from the fact that we had an argument whilst drinking on saturday night where I stupidly told her that maybe we shouldn't be together, she had provoked but I did over react, I instantly took it back but she now wont speak to me. I went to see her on Sunday where she said very angrily that it's over and that i should leave. Since, she hasn't returned any texts or calls. Now I am feeling awful because not only have I been dumped but I somehow seem to have lost the moral high ground from what I said. Now I think a drunken silly argument in what I think is otherwise a good relationship should be forgiven, it's not as if I cheated on her. We do, or I thought, love each other very much and I can understand her anger but surely if you love someone then that anger should have subsided 3 days on. On the other hand maybe there were other issues and this is a bit of an excuse to finish it, I'm still really hoping that she will come round but the lack of contact means that I don't know whether to hope and fight for it ie get something nice for valentines etc or go onto NC which I will find hard. It all seems such a waste but it is hard that someone you have loved so much, shared so much and trusted so much can at a flick of a switch become so cold and distant, like a stranger. Please any advice, should I fight or do NC, I still love her very much. At the very least I thought at the end of a 3 year relationship I should be given a proper chance to discuss reasons etc with her and know the score. Or am I being naive as to how relationships normally end. Thanks in advance