adahy

Do you like her? If so, you could wait till she turns 18 then go for it. Just a thought.

Kinda creepy though, eh...waiting on a girl to become legal??

there is a girl who's 17 in the same state as I am and she likes me and I'm 10 years older than her

Well, I guess there is the groupie aspect as well.

That is why I re-edited my post.

 

After a certain age limit, it starts to get a little freaky. I'll admit, I tend to like younger girls myself, but I don't know what a 30 year old woman would see in a 70 year old man, aside from a meal ticket.

Agreed.

I would say if it's more than a 12-15

year difference, a man is most likely a meal ticket...speaking in terms of a 'relationship'. Casual dates or hook-ups could be for a number of other reasons I suppose.

Evolutionary reasons. Greater status, earning power, confidence, some women even like older looking men and find them sexy.

 

It's not just girls wanting older men. Men also like younger women, hence the bond is strengthened by both sexes wanting the same thing.

Good answer. I would generally agree.

However, I have known quite a few younger women unhappy with their older partners. However, getting that new Lexus on their birthday is the bond that keeps it together.

It's mainly about security and cash. Don't let a woman tell you otherwise!!!!!!

Say to yourself, I wont talk to her no matter what until one month has passed, and when the month passes, you usually don't want to talk to them anymore. Wanting someone back is natural after you have been dumped, but you need to stay strong and know that there are tons of other women out there. She'll come back on her own if she wants, thats the only way. get on with your own life. Its a harsh realization, but you said you wanted to make her miss you, but the thing is that she would rather miss you than be with you.

I agree. "Wanting to be missed" really clouds one's mind in these matters. I've been there and it's gotten me back into a bad relationship. Bad relationships come to an end, so let it be once and not 2 and 3 times. I think in many ways break-ups are more about winning and losing, than anything else. It's not really love or anything...it's often simply about "wanting to be missed", winning in essense...or some other irrelevant thing. Often people just miss the routine, not so much the person. That's the beauty of NC. As mentioned above, after a month or so a person begins to have some clarity. They're out of the routine, etc. and can really see things for what they were.

Sounds like you're looking more for a "niche" than anything else. Gay men are usually quite accomodating in that regard, so I could see you finding acceptance there. I'm not gay, but the gay friends I have always seem to be searching for 'new recruits'. Anyway, you've done well getting into shape...congrats! Now work on the inner you. Sometimes the harder try to gain acceptance (love, etc.), that harder it is to get. Weird how it works. Be comfortable with who YOU are, create your own "niche", and let people come to you. They will. Neediness and desperation aren't attractive, and people can smell it a mile away. Create an air of superiority around yourself and blow other people off if a situation presents itself. Confidence and strength is attractive, and more people (women and men) will be drawn to it.

There's a reason people enter AA. Seriously, don't try to figure out the aftermath of a drunken evening. People spend WAY to much time trying to rationalize drunken behavior. Being drunk is a BAD way to meet people...it's that simple. You don't know who you "really" met that night.

She's not married. She's a single mother who is 22. Her daughter and the baby she is pregnant with have different fathers. The baby's dad is in jail. We recently discovered that he is psychotic and almost killed his last girlfriend. He is a pathelogical liar so no one can tell anything is wrong with him. Some of his stories were always kind of far fetched though. I never liked him and I told "L" that. She got mad at me but now she's okay with me because she realized that I was right. ANYways. He's in jail.

Sound like a lot going on! You've been a good sister and often in life we aren't rewarded by our good deeds. If people choose not to share aspects of their life w/ you, there's nothing you can do. I'm sure your sis appreciates what you've done, and maybe just didn't think about it. You have a right to feel the way you do, but try not to let it bother you. These things happen.

Also (I know this is unrelated), your sis needs to get on birth control or stop having unprotected sex. Two kids by 2 different fathers at 22?

You need to look out for yourself!! I don't care if it's family or not, you don't need to enable careless behavior. Don't get lost in her life or become her perpetual baby-sitter! It's nice having a free baby-sitter, etc., but don't let yourself get used in order to gain someone else's affection. That's a losing path every time. Every time. I'm not suggesting you turn your back on your sister, but look out for YOURSELF. Your sister needs some help, so don't become her "whipping-girl". Don't t take care of her problems at your own expense. It's nice if you want to help out so much, but that's not your obligation.

Don't wander aimlessly into a fight, if you don't know what you're fighting. That's fighting 101. Showing up at some man's door throwing accusations around, likely won't yield positive results.

Who knows..maybe there isn't a guy at all? Maybe your wife is full of crap and playing games. Her actions stink though...really bad. I can't imagine her taking YOUR daughter over to another man's house. As a guy that has dated single mothers, I know you usually don't meet the kids unless things are getting serious. As someone else said, if anything...she should invite him over to meet YOU.

What about "L's" husband? All of this sounds kinda unusual to me?

Yikes! I sure as hell wouldn't want a bunch of other people around...jeez. Sounds like a damn brothel!

How about a little romance? Ease up on YOUR plans a little if you're already getting frustrated. What's your rush to do something 'afterwards'?

This sounds like the settings of frat party...where you slap her on the backside and say thanks on her way out????? Poor girl.

Most of us have had the long 'month' wait at some point, so take a deep breath. It's not always easy to get pregnant, depending on her cycle, etc. so don't panic. I hope she's not, but definitely learn from this lesson.

I'd get away from this woman as soon as you can. Remember, it isn't your duty to mop up HER mess. It's not your fault she messed around w/ a married man. It's not your baby or your duty to be it's father. If fact, her child has a right to know who it's real father is. She obviously cheated on her last BF and the same will happen to you. She's a bad seed. A leach, moving from victim to victim to satisify HER needs. A bad girl will destroy you...emotionally and financially. Be glad you learned this lesson at 19. I'd get yourself back on track...that should be your first priority. When you're strong you'll be more able to provide for a good woman in the future. Don't be a mop for some troubled woman! I've known them...and they will make YOU pay for their mistakes....and they don't lose one moments sleep about it. Don't be fooled by the P.

Please read the thread I've just posted and comment on it! Pleaseplease

I did. Everything is a coincidence if you choose to view it in that light. People like to view love in that regard, however you can chalk anything up to coincidence. Anything. But, that's not as romantic. If you want to romanticize that particular encounter, fine. If not, that's fine too.

Everything is a coincidence.

I don't think we're saying anything in terms of 'right' and 'wrong' in the larger sense. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with not working. Nothing wrong with searching for the right opportunity. But, if you're in a partnership you need to 'eventually' contribute for the wellness of the whole. It sounds like you've never really been independent. Moving from the parents house on to your GF/wife's place. It takes work to live, provide, survive. She might carry you along for awhile...but probably not for long.

Find someone who is happy being loved, and you will be much happier yourself.

Funny.

Working is love. Giving is love. Helping out is love.

Leaving others with burdens to carry alone isn't love.

I hate (not literally) guys that use these terms 'loosely'. If it's not my GF, I never call a woman sweetie, etc. It's condescending IMO...or dorky.

These are probably the same type of guys that call other guys champ, sport, chief and boss....again, dorky to say the least.

If he didn't call you, he's probably just trying to be nice in his dorky way.

Ahhh...she's got looks and brains!! The 'deadly' combo!!

Don't as her questions like that...gives the 'impression' that you 'don't understand' and are inferior.. combined w/ knocking her stuff over, you've got a lot of ground to make up. Think of a clever approach. Also, in the future I wouldn't let so much time pass before making your move.

Man, I miss college...so many hotties!!

If you don't understand marriage, you shouldn't have gotten married.

Things change. You want to know what's different, things changed - you got married! If you want to be single and lay around on the couch all day, that's fine...but that's not what marriage is about.

He sounds like a little boy. Coming to terms w/ these issues is very difficult outside of marriage. That's the beauty of a good marriage..the 'team' aspect...2 as 1 working toward the same ends. He has shown you he is not able to commit to you. He is concerned with 'his' interests and gives the least he can to get what he wants. It's selfish, shallow and sign of a weak man. But, you chose to have kids w/ him so you need to develop some kind of working arrangement...sex, finances, etc. Otherwise, leave...you aren't married afterall. I guess you need to ask yourself why you want to be with him?

I just don't know what to do...he used to be a different type of person who I looked up to...someone with career-related ambition and who was impervious to malignant influence...then he got into alcohol, social gatherings, and a fixation with women...now, he is just like everyone else who fits the template of a person who I really don't respect.

First, Congrats! Hard work pays off.

Secondly, when guys get involved with women they often put other relationships on hold...or those relationships become secondary. That's how it works most of the time, for guys and gals alike. He has his priorities and you have yours. Career goals are nice, but they rarely bring 'personal' fulfillment. Nothing wrong with choosing to have fun, to be in love, or to be social. Life comes and goes really fast, and when you look back on life one day - you might wonder if making an 'A' on a math test was really that important?? So unless he's 'really' self-destructing, I wouldn't worry about it.

Keep working hard though, but keep other things in perspective. Things outside of career are often what makes life rewarding. Also, friends come and go...especially in a transitional stage such as college. So, let him go if you must.

Don't ever let a woman (especially inside of a marriage) tell you hanging out with another man is no big deal. Hell, if she wants some tea, go by her some teabags!

I've never been married, but know how you feel pal. Hang in there.

I don't think there is anything you need to confirm. She's out of line, however far it goes.

I don't know her, but coffee sounds pretty boring in comparison to her BIG trip.

You better come up with a plan. The standard straight-line approach might bore this girl. Maintain contact, tell her some white lies, and figure out a more subtle angle.