_Jaffa_

I know I don't want to be like him but I don't know how to stop it from happening if it's a genetic thing.

Support groups aren't gonna help because I know I just won't talk. I'm barely touching the surface on here and this is on the internet with faceless strangers.

Thanks for your replies.

What talents? So far I have zilch. If you're not good at anything by this time you're not gonna be good at anything are you?

Ha, yeah, I have that same plan. Like a safety blanket.

Sorry to hear all that. I hope you can still manage to have a happy xmas.

It's all for statistics....it doesn't mean anything.

The problem is that you are already living happily together....maybe he just doesn't want to jinx it with marriage. Kind of an if it ain't broke don't fix it mentality. Why change something that doesn't really need changing? And do you really need a piece of paper to confirm his love for you?Isn't the fact that he says it enough?

But if you really want a marriage then maybe you have to risk the whole relationship and give him an ultimatum. It depends on how much you value what you have now with him and how much you value marriage. Which do you value the most?

Arrggghh.....sorry....didn't mean to swear in post 3.

Sorry.

Yeah, I still think about it. Not all the time. Just sometimes.

Thanks for replying.

Have any of you attempted? You don't have to say if you don't want. I have twice. Once when I was 14 after a particularly disgusting, horrible, gross, awful experience and once last year, just when everything got on top of me and I couldn't figure out what to do. The first one I ended up in hospital for a week and the second one no one else knows about. I look back and I don't really feel anything. I don't feel guilty. Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't succeed but then I think, well, I'm only young really and lots of people have been through worse than me and have survived and all that so I should be able to right?

even at 17, you're still responsible for your own actions.

I know....I guess that's kind of why I avoid relationships, meaningful ones anyway.

I too am very self-critical and in search of ways to think more positively.

What seems to work for *me* is to surround myself w/ positive thinkers; a lot of my friends are easy going, optimistic, etc etc. When I am around them, I find myself emulating their easy going attitude.

Yeah, I'm a bit better when I'm with my friends...I tend to fade away into the background mostly but a couple of them sort of force me to get my act together sometimes, which is a good thing I guess. I hate it sometimes though.

I've read somewhere that it sometimes helps to repeat to yourself each day (while looking in the mirror) all the positive things that others have said about you -- I guess in your case it would be: I am a nice, kind, attractive, easily approachable guy.

The problem with that is that what's the point of saying something that you don't believe because your brain knows you're lying deep down and laughs at you for being such an idiot.

It's better than ending up a negative, pessimistic, misanthropic, reclusive, and bitter person, wouldn't you say?

 

Oh, I don't know......don't those kind of people get films made about them?

 

 

How? Love, do what's right by people, think about what is the right thing to do, be real, be truthful, be honest, let people know you care, and CARE. That's about all there is to it, but that's also a whole lot.

 

I try.

 

Thanks for your posts everyone.

You know him better than any of us do. Do YOU think it will make a difference?

Looking like something doesn't mean you are

I see what you're trying to say though.

It's harder than I thought. Although if it were easy I'd have already sorted myself out by now...guess it sorts the pathetic from the great or something. Thanks for posting.

If someone had sent that to me I wouldn't have a clue what to say back. I'd read it over and over again but wouldn't ever reply. I hope he replies how you want him to.

Yeah, sorry to post again....but how can you go about being more positive? About life, yourself, relationships, ect ect. Right now I can't think of a single positive thing to focus on.

Wouldn't it be better to sit down and do it face to face rather than an e'mail? An e'mail can just be deleted and pretend that it never existed. It's harder to do that with a face to face conversation.

I drink. Not to feel tough or cool or whatever. I drink to distract me from myself. In fact, I probably drink too much. Usually on my own.

You could always accept her offer and then let social services know you are concerned about her ability to be a good parent to the little boy.

Thats about all you can do really.

Maybe you could give some money to a friend you trust and let them buy you stuff with it?

Cook for eachother, like resturant food.

It only happened last night so yeah, you're bound to feel like aren't you? It's all still fresh and the wounds are still open. Give yourself a break. You're allowed to feel bad and grieve a relationship.

He'll probably get defensive however you go about it. Although he's hinted at abusive episodes has he actually called them "abusive"? Maybe he's in denial. I know allllll about that. If you come right out and confront him he'll get defensive and/or pissed off and if you do it subtley he get suspicious and defensive. Well, that's how I was anyway but then, I;m me and he's he so you know him best. Does he love her?

For some reason all the negative stuff is easier to believe. Isn't it funny how that happens?

But yeah, it's just figuring out how to be positive isn't it. Something I guess I need to work on instead of worrying about what I'm doing wrong all the time.

Thanks

Hey, that's ok. You didn't make light of it. I probably over react to it anyway. Yeah, I do hate him and sometimes I don't, which is weird because those times it's like I'm looking for his approval, which is really really dumb because.....well, it just is. Anyway, thanks for replying. Didn't think I would get any.

So yeah, thanks to the others for replying to. It's pretty nice to see that someone, even a stranger, will take the time to answer a pathetic, nutty post from some weird guy.

You deleted it? What did you say?

A fallible human being is putting it mildly but yeah ok.