maleAdonis

Thanks all - lots of good info that I'll need to chew on for a while. FYI - I'm pretty disciplined about my bipolar treatment. Meds, sleep, diet, exercise, stress, etc. Maybe everyone has PTSD, but my wife doesn't get nauseated or have attacks when she kisses me. I think it's just another challenge to be overcome. I love the idea of overcoming our challenges together and maybe that will bring us together.

I really don't know how to put this, so I'll just blurt it on out... Male, 29, married for 6+ years and together mostly for 12+ since high school. I've never felt chemistry between my wife and I, despite a fantastic sex life when we were young. A couple years ago I started having panic attacks and nausea when my wife and I were intimate. A counselor says it's PTSD from childhood abuse from a borderline and bipolar mother. I also have bipolar disorder. I have these long days where I ache for emotional and physical connection with another woman. I would give almost anything to curb these desires and feel content with my wife. I feel as if I'm doomed to live the rest of my life without emotional connection and fulfilment. Which, is difficult because my wife and son are wonderful people and I have an amazing life otherwise. My wife and I are good partners otherwise. So, my wife and I have my mental illness to overcome. Plus, she's pretty non-sexual and can be distant and cold. I'm much more amorous. For years I thought if I could convince my wife to fulfil her fantasy of having sex with another woman that I could, at least momentarily, feel connected to a girl we were both friends with and having sex with. I'm getting a lot of feedback that this might not be a good long-term fix. So, I'm looking for advice, help, feedback. There are so many angles to this - my PTSD, my wife's lack of sex drive, our past, normal marriage issues, lust, bad partnership to begin with?, normal young guy lust etc... We've made progress for the last six months or so - but, I'm often left empty inside. Thanks for your time, -JP

i'm a decent, loyal, mature, strong, wise caring emotionally dedicated man who would have sex with my wife and another woman at the same time - if she wanted to do so. is it nice up there on your pedestal?

scarew probably has some pretty good advice. i couldn't imagine anything more uncomfortable then taking two people lacking confidence and purpose and adding a third. threesomes don't ruin relationships - but our reactions to powerful things like sex, jealousy and fear definitely can. i've spent 6+ years proving to my wife, through actions not just words, that i'm committed, devoted and loving. (despite panic attacks and nausea when we try to be intimate that come from PTSD and childhood abuse). however, nothing i ever say or do would convince her that sex with another person, together, could be sweet, intimate, passionate, adventurous and fulfilling - and possibly bring us closer together. jealousy is a natural, and often necessary reaction - and, she's just not comfortable with herself or her sexuality or our relationship to fulfil a fantasy that she herself often has and thinks about to climax. in a perfect world i wouldn't have these strong desires - and, they probably point to a problem in my own mind regarding emtional connection and intimacy. i'm here to try to figure some of this out. maybe some of what i know can help others, too. -JP

i'm 29 and having a somewhat related problem in my sexual relationship to my wife. i like to fantasize about other women and i love sharing fantasies with my wife - although her reaction and acceptance of them are wildly unpredictable. my own personal thought is that i wouldn't have the fantasies if i didn't want to actually go through with them. (this excludes fantasies that may be in any way harmful to others). admitting that i would actually like to experience another woman is difficult for both of us. i'm hoping this site with help lead to some more answers. i deeply love my wife, despite abuse and intimacy problems from my childhood. best wishes, -JP