Boughs

what I mean is, that randomness and sporatic acts spark regions of your mind you wouldn't normally have used, thus the first piece you do of something is sometimes the best because you aren't over thinking it. It just comes to you naturally.

seems when you put mind to the matter you (i'm speaking to anyone in the world including myself) lose a sense of exploration adventure and beautiful truth in creativity.

Its my gut that comes through to prove my best art.

I don't find myself in this like they do

not excited about the life to lead

or the strife to bear.

Its an oddity we live for nothing.

A deception perhaps?

a hopefulness bound in our existence

that just maybe, maybe we are...

its an oddity we live for something

Fueled by hopelessness

I'm an anomaly, a misplaced

miscreant. A lost boy trying to make something

out of this oddity we live for.

Always a fear in mind,

a hope that travels in and out.

If constant I'd be one of them.

The ones that think that

its an oddity we live

All I can remember is the way we touched lips but didn't kiss, because I knew she loved someone else... but she kissed me. She got out of the car, about to open her gate, my headlights on her... I jumped out just as she was about to close the gate, and I kissed her. Her eyes were open. After I kissed her, I looked at her, and her eyes shifted back and forth, worried. She ran off... and my stomach was on fire. I will fear the class we have together. We sat next to each other, and now I'll sit away from her. I'm afraid of the teacher saying "why are you sitting away from each other? don't like each other anymore?" and I'll just have to grab my bag and run. She won't chase, I'll just keep running. and all I want to ask her is "can you still feel the butterflies?"... because I still do.

"I have been feeling guilty because I really cannot give you what you want from me"... I'll always close my eyes at the end of that.

She reminded me that I still had my "high school heart". I'm glad I haven't lost it.

I obviously didn't write this, but its everything I feel.

Jimmy Eat World - "For Me This is Heaven"

The first star I see may not be a star

You can't do a thing but wait

So let's wait for one more...

And the time's such clumsy time

I'm deciding if it's time

I'm careful but not sure how it goes

You can lose yourself in your courage

When the time we have now ends

When the big hand goes round again...

Can you still feel the butterflies?

Can you still hear the last goodnight?

And the mindless comfort grows

When I'm alone with my 'great' plans

And this is what you said gets her through it

If I don't let myself be happy now then when?

If not now when

The time we have now ends

And when the big hand goes round again...

Can you still feel the butterflies?

Can you still hear the last goodnight?

I close my eyes and believe

Wherever you are

Angel for when the time we have now ends

And when the big hand goes round again

Can you still feel the butterflies?

Can you still hear the last goodnight?

Thanks Bunney.

I really like Cummings. The randomness of his words are beyond anything I've ever read... he is thus one of my favorite poets.

I was kind of a fool... rushed in too fast. Not quite spilled my heart out, but I definitely let this girl know what I was looking for. She wanted time to get to know me, which is what I was thinking, but I jumped the gun by mentioning a relationship could come of it. Kind of freaked her out/turned her off a bit. So it goes... well here is a poem for it.

Soft Speed

Words so strong I defy my collective’s true thoughts

Where I get up and get down.

I decide where my pace and power

Place a slit in my folly.

Shrugged shyness off

Brushing away brash bright eyes

Set and focused

Sauntering away in water, I won’t blink it

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks Ellie.

I once was in this mood

Where I didn’t say anything, at all.

I was quiet but with eyes wide open.

Always took it all in, too many beautiful colors

Too many compelling things

That I believed words ruined.

My own language, my own words

That made it all peaceful.

It all seemed better, like I used a language

Never spoken, but the same words as we all know.

Where did those words go?

I hoped it would stop holding my head.

I didn’t say anything. I just knew math.

I believed there were false answers to all problems.

Numbers could dip below the surface,

But my words never dreamed of the above.

The language used were wrong, poor, and improper.

The language I use now is still broken.

Damaged to/and defeated.

I am no longer curious I know where those words went

Now I’m beginning to feel it

A mood I once was in.

I hope it doesn’t hold my head.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be

it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by

scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

than my own meandering

experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and

recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before

you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you

imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as

effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing

bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with

people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes

you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with

yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you

succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your

life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they

wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year

olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe

you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky

chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t

congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your

choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,

use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people

think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever

own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for

good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the

people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you

should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and

lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you

knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live

in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will

philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize

that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were

noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,

maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one

might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will

look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who

supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of

fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the

ugly parts and recycling it for more than

it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

keep your spirit high and overcome it.

Thanks. And yeah

Cold Streams of Air

It’s a major deception

when you think about holding

the beautiful kick of the sun

Urgent to penetrate and distance

the dance between the sea and love

when the only reason sun beats in the hole

is because the distance manifested is forgotten

But I found a reason to have the brightest spark

screaming in caged ice. Fire colors melt through

chambers and tunnels, holes in ice

through to skins i own, flaying from slight moves.

I won't guess when you look at me how much your

thoughts run away, to make patterns in sleep.

It's the little things.

I seriously... had an amazing 10 minutes reading that. I took in each word and enjoyed every bit of it. All the memories were... amazing, the piecing together of it all and everything.

Really such a great rollercoaster ride of thoughts. Love it.

With this ache, I spend the night cold

take your mind, and make the rest the best

but when you go, i'll always be bold,

when dying calls and breakups come,

I'll be there to enjoy the end

Fleeting flight fall for this troublesome calm.

hold the night with little breaths of air

the kind you see

when your lungs beat you bare

handle everything, and you'll always lose

be fearfull and strong for when it comes near

you'll give up everything, the choice to choose.

Ready die, in all this demise

you've got to prepare, when your crying alone

that this is when fate finds its lies.

Shift over now, and grab the last cold bit,

Don't think hard its just how you call

no words only breaks, these will only make you lit

Anger to demolish all you dreamed to fight for me

don't sigh when all is shamed

before you know these beautiful problems will become a sight to see.

play slower/softer

I'm 20 years old, 5'8'', 130lbs (when i put on weight, which is nearly impossible, i gain it straight in my stomach... nothing else adds). I always go for girls around 5'2''-5'7''... any shorter or taller I find unnattractive (i'm pretty picky when it comes to girls).

The thing is, I understand everything you all said.

Its not like I don't have the ability to get a girl, as I know this one girl likes me... i just don't find her attractive enough. Its the fact that I can't seem to get some girls that bothers me. Not that they are always more attractive, I just don't like them i guess.

Referring to your post Locke (which is incredible thank you so much, likewise to you willhelm) about having the necessary "skills". I do have these here and there... my previous two relationships of over a year each, I was pursued. Both women beautiful, funny... etc, awesome. I'm attracted to a girl that is more forthcoming... as I can be when it comes to certain topics/situations. But I tend to back down a lot when a girl is overly powering... which then kills my creativity.

So while I'm looking to date someone, I haven't found a girl that i find pretty enough (oh being shallow...) and has a good personality to spend my time with.

Girls seem to adapt so much that, you never REALLY learn their personality until you 1 on 1 with them. I never have a problem talking to women, I talk to everyone... its easy... and I know that if I were a clerk I'd love to talk to everyone that came through... speed up my day. So the conversation you posted is awesome, i'll use that for next time, but for that rich girl part.... eep... I get asked "are you rich" a lot by girls, and I of course deny it... because I don't want a girl to go after my money (I hate money). I find it rude... ENTIRELY when a girl asks me that. Perhaps it would be ok since I am wealthy to someone else... but... I don't know for sure.

I suppose I'm not a " * * * *" enough... I need to up the anty.

Anyways, I really appreciate your responses.. I'd love to hear some more.

So, I've been attracted to girls, given them a nudge to see... and denied.

Its fine, I understand, girls these days go after the guys they like.

I don't think I'm unnattractive... I tend to dress... hmmm, metrosexual. I like art, I like designers, i like wearing it... as it fits my body time (small, skinny, and slightly muscular). Anywho, I wonder if that is what puts girls off... perhaps they are afraid of it... would have to compete with it, so they back off. Perhaps they think I'm gay (which is ironic because I have never enjoyed a single conversation I've had with someone who is lesbian or gay).

Next is that I'm very into philosophy. I tend to get into philisophical situations because, well, girls tend to say/do things that I try to understand... so I question and try and come up with why.... I don't do it in a nerdy way, i definitely understand when to pick my battles... but I just enjoy these types of convos, that I tend to scare girls away because they think I'm pretentious (which I try not to be, but I'm sure i come off that way sometimes with the way I dress, the car I drive, and perhaps sometimes when I enter these debates).

I wish I could be a guys guy, and you know... be more of a testosterone based guy. Instead I'm into art, fashion, and computers programming. I'm a nerd at heart...

I'm a very social person, always outgoing, respectful, helpful if/when i can. But it seems like I'm a bit too nice, and a bit too... metro, that the girls I'm attracted to, don't want a part of. Kind of ironic. Do I change the way I dress (just slap on jeans and a t shirt?) and talk about sports to get girls? I dunno... having such a small frame doesn't really help either, as girls tend to look at me and go "wow I'm bigger than him". Which sucks.

Anyways, I'm ranting. I don't know whats wrong with my image... trying to see what it is I'm doing right/wrong.

through my experiences... girls do something worse than cheating... its called manipulation and backstabbing.

Very interesting take on the situation... looks like you think about yourself in terms of the world a lot. You've got wisdom on the situation... I think you are doing the right thing, getting out and relearning the past... its similar to what I'm doing now. Its going great sure, but always remember there were things that you loved then, look for them again... just not with a psycho

when i look at porn, i don't go "I WISH I HAD HER" its just... watching... I dunno... voyeuristic...

I just do it for release...

Because you know there is an easy escape if things go arry with the conversation you are having with a girl in a group. You know you got your buddy to back up the stupid things you may say... or help joke about it... even if you don't think so, i'm sure its somewhere there in your subconscious.

Also, when you talk to a girl 1 on 1, you are deliberately confirming social interaction, meaning you are wishing to talk to her too. You have to be more careful with your words in these situations because, what you say could invoke things you don't intend... so choosing your words also become more critical.

Finally, I'd say that your a guy and she is a girl, and the way you communicate with guys (which you do most often I'm sure) is different... so you actually have to think about it.

Of course you'll miss him. Let him be, let time pass... don't go crawling back to him... its not worth it for you or him.

embarrassed to be yours. Perhaps she's concerned about the image/commitment of it. Maybe hang out more privately at first... don't tell people you are dating her... just tell people "we'll see"... why not let her know that you don't want it known that you two are dating... not yet at least.

You see him anywhere else but class? like a party? parties are great because it shows you are free spirited if that is the kind of girl he wants. If you party, just go over to him even if he has friends and just talk with him and ask if you can tag along... he'll get the hint, and it'll be cool just be fun... just stay nearer him. Don't be concerned if its awkward... making a move can be hot. especially if you are cool with his friends... you have a bunch of girl friends that would meet his friends? maybe there could be intermingling (rare from my opinion)

usually communication helps

Just tell him, or when you are doing it put yourself more out there, or shed a piece of his clothing.