mar123

You know, my first reaction would be to say that she has no reasons to be jealous of me, because it seems to me that things have never been better for her... After a string of bad relationships with men, she actually started going out with a girl about 2 years ago. I was absolutely delighted for her, as she seemed to have found some stability and was finally happy. I was very supportive. I get on great with her partner, she's smart, funny, and totally in love with my friend. My friend decided to change career also about 2 years ago, she passed her exams and is now in a job she loves, working with nice people, and good wages. Her and her girlfriend have just moved in together, in a beautiful flat, and things couldn't be better for her. So at first, no, I wouldn't have said that she was jealous... but then again... your comments made me think... She always had a tendency to belittle me in public. Instead of bigging me up like I do to her, she would usually tell embarrassing stories about me, or laught at me, not with me... It never upset me really as she has a very dry and cutting sense of humour, and I considered it a slagging as opposed to a put down. But on hindsight, you could be right... While she is good to me sometimes, i realise that often she can be toxic, a behaviour that i have been accepting until now, making excuses for her... I did try to call her yesterday, but she doesn't pick up my call. I left a message. To be honest, I don't really want to talk to her anymore. I don't think I will call her again. It is not actually my place to chase her as I don't think i have done anything wrong! So if she calls back, I'll tell her my mind. And if doesn't, well... tough... I think I'm done with her in that case.

Well, I actually broke up with him, I had a lot on my shoulders at the time and pushed him away... until i realised we were better together to face difficult situations... So she shouldn't be upset with him... I think you convinced me guys, I'll pick up the phone this evening and have a good chat with.... I'll let you know how it goes!

Thanks for your reply, nice to see someone else's point of view of the issue... I haven't talked to her about it, cos she's so defensive, but i suppose I'll have to. She's just so susceptible at the moment. i wish I could talk to her face to face, which is not an option because of the distance. If i call her and confront her, I think she'll just hang up on me! She hasn't been in touch with me since we left. Maybe I'll just wait until things quieten down a lil...

Hi, I need advice on my relationship with my best friend. We have known each other for over 15 years, and tho we dont speak to each other every day (I live abroad), we used to be in touch regularly by phone and msn, she'd come over probably once a year, and I always stay with her for a few days each time I come home (also once a year). She's always been a good friend to me, as I hope I was to her. Last year was a tough year for me. Some very good things happened to me (I got a brilliant job with a good salary, got to travel around the world and met some great people). But some bad things happened as well. I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years, felt very isolated, was diagnosed with cancer. Overall it was a very emotional year. (my boyfriend and i eventually patched things up, I'm happy to say) I tried to be strong and not complain, I didn't want to burden my friend with my negative thoughts, but i phoned her twice when things got too much for me, crying. And she was quite cold with me. She asked no questions or offered support, and never followed up with a phone call. Even when I told her about the cancer, she was very matter of fact and disinterested. It upset me a great deal, as she had been seriously ill 2 year before that, and I was calling her every second day for 3 months. About a month ago, my boyfriend and I went home for my 30th birthday, and she asked us to stay with her for a week. We brought her presents to thank her for her hospitality. We bought all her groceries. We cooked for her every evening. We kept her house tidy so she'd have nothing to do when coming home after work. Her attitude was just off, and I thought we must have done something to upset her, so we really tried to make up for whatever it was we did. In spite of our efforts, she was just really grumpy all the time. She gave out about the food we cooked. She gave out if we bought her a bottle of wine, saying she was sick of drinking all the time. She gave out about my boyfriend dirtying the kitchen while cooking, even tho he cleaned everything afterwards. She gave out about having to stay up late to keep us company, cos she had work the following morning. I told her that we didn't want to impose, and she could go to bed at any time, we wouldn't mind at all. Then on my birthday, we arranged to go out. I was wearing a mini skirt, but nothing in bad taste (after all, I can still pull it off!). She told me I looked like a * * * * *. I brushed it off, thinking she was making a joke. We met some other friends in a pub. She let us pay for all her drinks all night, never put her hand in her pocket. Then at only 11pm, she decided she had enough and left. At that stage, my boyfriend and I were feeling very uncomfortable staying with her, like we were imposing on her. The final straw came the morning we left. We had bought all her groceries all week long, including 2 packs of ground coffee. That day, there was very little coffee left. My friend noticed, and started behaving in a very strange way. She asked both my boyfriend and I how much coffee exactly we were using, how come there was so little coffee left, when did we open the second pack, etc... She just wouldn't let it go, and asked me about the coffee about 30 times. She even dug the empty packs out of the bin to prove that we had used them both!!! I told her that it didn't really matter, that i would by another pack if it was that much of an issue. I felt that her behaviour was really irrational. Her issue is obviously not about the coffee, that was just an excuse to lash out, she is upset about something else. Did I really do something to upset her, in which case she should really tell me about it? Could she be suffering from depression? could this explain her change of behaviour? The fact that she's been very self centered and irrascible? In this case, should I be there for her, tho she doesn't reciprocate? Or maybe people change, and that's what she became in the last year? If this has happened to you and your best friend, could you please tell me how you resolved your issues? I am very upset and angry with my friend, but i still hope that we can do something about it, she used to be a really good person and I would be very sad to lose her. Many thanks in advance for your advice

thank you for your advice, not an easy one cos things are so fragile at the moment... but you have a good approach... Will try next time the subject arises and let you know... cheers

Hi, My partner and I split after 8 years - I ended it. We are getting back together. Things are not easy but we are working on it. While we were apart, we both had a few flings, but now that we are back together I have broken all contact with other guys. My boyfriend on the other hand had a 3 day romance with this one girl, and he's still emailing her. He told her we are back together, and says she's only a friend. However I feel quite uncomfortable with the whole thing. Now she wants his phone number, she says she'd love to hear his voice. From what he told me, she does sound like a very nice person, but i can't help feeling threatened. I asked him not to contact her anymore, but he says I'm too controlling and that I have nothing to worry about. Am I being unreasonable?