spiritualpsb

yes you are both right. also with my "b/f" it seems no matter what i do, it just isn't good enough or right. the fact he went on those sites makes me feel so unloved, unwanted, and ugly. i honestly think no other woman would stand for this type of behavior. i was trying to explain to him if the shoe was on the other foot, how would he feel? he really didn't say much to that. about 2 days after the incident he asked me if there was anything wrong with me, and i told him i still wasn't happy with what he did and he told me as long as he is concerned that issue is closed. i just feel he doesn't love me anymore because if he did, he wouldn't have done that. i can't trust him, and the thought of being intimate with him anymore just doesn't appeal to me as it used to, and i'm falling out of love with him because of what he did.

my boyfriend and i have been going through some difficult times lately, i try to talk to him about the problems, but he keeps bringing up past issues and saying they are relevent to the argument at hand (which most of them are not). as a couple we never go anywhere together. i offer to take him to dinner, or ask if there is something he would like to do and it's always no. when he would go and race at the local race track on saturday's i always went there and supported him. but he doesn't support me when i bowl on my league on wednesday nights, he says why should he because out of his 25 races i missed 3 (that was due to me having no money to get in). i am not blaming him for all the problems/arguments in our relationship, but i am one to talk thing's out and not go to bed angry. he on the other hand tends to hold grudges and carry resentment, also likes to bring up past hurts. now to the part where i think he may be unfaithful or thinking about it. one day i came home from work and saw his computer on the table half open, like he was hiding something. he was on the phone at the time with his back to me so he couldn't see me. i opened the computer a little bit (yes i was being nosy) and noticed he was on a site called "craig's list." i also noticed he has typed in 'erotic encounters.' i was speechless . he got off the phone and knew i looked at the computer screen. he said he was "looking for a sofa on craig's list and came accross that by accident." he has done this type of thing before in the course of our relationship. he has gone on escort sites, porn sites, yahoo personals, and sexual chat rooms. i told him how i felt about him doing that the first time i found out, and he said he didn't mean anything by it and he was just curious, also he wasn't looking for anyone to do those thing's with. then when i found out he was doing it again (erotic encounters) i tried talking to him again about it, how i feel that is emotional cheating but he just kept bringing up how I hurt him in the early stages of the relationship. the hurt he is talking about is when we were first intimate (but we hadn't begun dating yet, just were "seeing each other" briefly) he asked who was more endowed he or my ex b/f. i was honest and told him "although my ex may have been a little bigger, you are more passionate, make me feel thing's i've never felt before, you are definitely more better and you know what you are doing." i honestly didn't think we were going to begin fully dating, as he said he wasn't ready for a full blown relationship. anyway, he and his ego has been hurt by what i said (which was over 2 yrs. ago) i apologized to him for hurting his feeling's and i never meant to. i know i should have thought before i spoke, and considered his feeling's and i do regret what i said to this day; as he NEVER lets me forget it. ever since then i ALWAYS praise him in everyway possible, which is true. anyway, i never cheated or gone on those kinds of sites. he said "you hurt me, now it's your turn so deal with it." he blamed me for him going on those sites, he said that if i was there for him more (not intimately speaking) he wouldn't have to do those things. then later on he said that it wasn't me, it was him just being curious. i try my butt off to be there for him in everyway, but it isn't good enough. if he wants to discuss something, he says i don't say the "right things" at the "right time." i'm constantly working at that. i told him that i was doing everything i could to be there for him more in every way, and i'm trying to strengthen our relationship. with him going on these type of sites i can't help but wonder if he may cheat. i also feel this is emotional cheating. i can understand men liking the nasty movies, but escort sites and looking up erotic encounters is a different story. i think if he is looking on those types of sites he may cheat, or is thinking about cheating. i don't believe he came accross "erotic encounters" by accident. this really hurts me. i came home 2 days later after it happened and i was still upset and he said "i will not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home." i told him i don't like to feel uncomfortable either, then he told me "get over it, just like i had to get over the hurt you caused me." how would you feel? do you think he is or may cheat? any advice is appreciated, thank you.