tracy1008
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Everything posted by tracy1008
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So I started the abortion process. Oh and I had sex with my ex. I know I need to walk away from all of this but its so hard. I just don't know how.
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So I have my dr appt today. I stayed at my ex's last night and we actually had a really good time. He kissed me last night, and it felt so amazing. Its going to be even harder to let him go.
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I am super upset, the more I think about abortion the more anxious I get. Also in the fact, that the one guy I have ever loved is going to be gone also. To lose a child, and to lose this guy, I don't know if I have the strength
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My ex has surprisingly been extremely supportive. Even though he is against bringing a child into the world he has been great. He's been basically taking care of me this whole week. Holding me, making sure I fall asleep ok, and really trying to be there for me. I am almost in shock how much he cares now than he did when we were together which was only a week or two ago. So now, as much as I want this kid, I know its not right. I know if I have an abortion I am going to lose my child and my love. What a horrible feeling, to be left with nothing.
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Thank you for the support. I know I will probably end up getting an abortion. Secretly a part of me wants a baby, but i know its not in the best interest. Also a part of me wants the ex (which is the complete wrong reason to have a child) to be in my life but its time to let go. Just crazy to find out right after we break up. Just crazy. I am supposed to be moving on and getting over this guy and now I am going to have this scar forever
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Well I am 27, financially stable, live by myself. I really don't know how my family would react. I haven't told anyone but my ex b/c at this point I have no idea what I want to do. If i go the abortion route I just want to go get it done and not tell anyone. Obviously if I decide to keep it I will eventually have to tell my family. My ex is 21, completely not ready for a child, and he doesn't want to be "deadbeat" father but knows he can't really have much to offer. I know I could do it on my own if I decided to. I told him that I didn't expect anything from him and he can even pretend that its not even his and not his problem if he doesn't want to. He said he doesn't want to do that to me. I just have a really big decision to make and soon before its too late. I just know when you get pregnant you are supposed to be excited and happy, which a little part of me is but at the same time do I really want this kid to have no father? I am going to see the ex tonight. I know he is going to continiously try and talk me out of it, so we will see.
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Yea i do. I just don't know if I am ready to be a single mom, and bring a child in the world with no father. Wasn't exactly my ideal fairytale. I don't know. Just scared no matter what route i go.
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yea, late, positive, all that wonderful great stuff. He obviously wants me to have an abortion. I am just torn. I know I would get nothing from him if I have the kid. Great...heartbroken and pregnant. Awesome.
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yea, great huh
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well...found out there could be a kid, so uhhhh, drama
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I know I am better off without but I really miss him. This sucks
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well if i didn't think this guy could make me feel any worse, he never even called this weekend. What a punk. I texted him this morning telling him "you validated my loss of respect for you , lose my number" and responded with a excuse how he had a really bad day yesterday and got in a huge fight with his parent. I mean come on. I am finally truly pissed off at this guy. He has been given so many chances and to think I was even thinking of maybe having a friendship in the future when I got over him. Its just BS. He is so selfish. All he had to do was call me and tell me he couldn't make it. Talk about really not gving a crap.
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well if he's dumb enough to walk away then i have to smart enough to let him go.
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well he is gonna tell me the truth this weekend. So at least I will finally know But the fact of the matter is....the truth hurts.
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i just wish he would give it a chance. But he holds himself back because he is scared. Just sucks that its bad timing. He doesn't want to be with me the way i want him to. He isn't ready for that. And i know you are right where i am in love with the potential. Just because I know how he can be when he's in it. And its so wonderful
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Its not so much the exclusivity. We haven't been with anyone else. Its the responsibilities that he thinks comes with the title of committment. I guess I just want a boyfriend that wants to be with me, and call me everyday, and see how I am. I can't answer specifically what I love about him. Its something I just feel in my heart.
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I know analyzing something that hasn't even happened yet is just going to drive me nuts. I just need to find a way to compose myself. I don't want to break up. I love this guy. I just don't know how well i am going to handle this rejection. At least this time around he is going to do it in person. Last time he didn't call me for a week, and I called to find out what the deal was and basically broke up wth myself. I just don't know how I am going to move on. I didn't move on the first two times we broke up
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I have been trying for so long to be with him. I know there becomes a point where enough is enough but I just never gave up hope. Now its going to be crushed. All that effort and heartache for nothing. I know what he is going to say. He is going to say "I really care about you, but I don't want a relationship right now" What do I say to that? Do I even say anything? Letting go is so hard. Plus he is my neighbor so I have the luxory of seeing his car everyday. Lucky me. So much for out of sight out of mind. Just really scared right now. I just feel like if he was going to keep things going with me he would tell me today and not make me wait through the entire weekend.
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When we were first together we were in a committed relationship, just to clarify but when we started seeing each other again it was more of a casual thing. I went along with it because I wanted him in my life but I have gotten so frustrated that its almost not healthy. Well he contacted me and told me he was ready to talk to me this weekend. I sort of got freaked out saying stuff like 'is it going to be a good talk or a bad talk" and stuff like that and I told him i was nervous, and he kept asking me why. Just kind of panicked because I think he is going to break things off with me. He knows I want a relationship and I am almost positive he doesn't. I don't want to lose him. One of the things he said to me was "no matter what I am going to be here for you" and I said "that sounds like a breaking things off statement" Me just being insecure and freaking out because I really really don't want to break up. He said "its not that, but I just want to talk to you about some stuff" He's been doing small contacts all week like texting and IMing and being really friendly. I didn't give him any pressure since he said he had a lot to think about. It just hurts to almost know that things are over with us. I mean I don't know 100% but just from the way he was saying how he would rather talk to me in person. I am can't stop shaking. I did tell him that I was scared just because he knows where I stand. He said he knows and that I should go and get a good night sleep. How am I supposed to get a good night sleep when he is going out with his friends tonight and I am home analyzing what is going to happen. I just felt like if it was going to be a good talk he would have been more straight up about it. This really really sucks but I am happy that he finally is going to "talk" to me. Even when we broke up the first time he did it on the phone and I was actually his girlfriend at the time. I really want to stay positive, but I just know we aren't on the same page and it hurts like crazy. I just don't know if I am ready to be full blown rejected and broken up with. I just want to be mentally prepared for it and somehow hold my head up high the best way that I can. I really don't want to cry, but that's almost inevitable. I just need to be ready for it to end. Just have some crazy anxiety right now.
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I wish it wasn't so complicating. I just love a guy who isn't into me. When we had "the talk" he came over and we talked for 3 hours. He kept calling me babe which I thought was odd since he never calls me babe. He told me not to worry and not to be scared. I just hate being in limbo. My head says no not to be with him but my heart won't let me stop trying. When we are together I am so happy but he really doesn't care about me. And I know..."move on" "get over it" but he's the only thing on my. mind. Even when we broke up I never gave up hope to be with him. My heart just won't catch up to my head and its a really sad depressing feeling. Especially when you feel so strongly for someone whose actions show they don't care. I wish I could just get over him but I won't give up no matter what anyone tells me. I know everyone on here says to move on and rop him but I can't do that right now. So I really just want to know if I should wait for him to call...or call and try to find out what the final decision is as much as i hate ultimatums.
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I have been dating my guy for a year and a half on and off. 3 months ago we started seeing each other again after being broken up for about 2 months. Well he is very wishy washy about being with me in a committed relationship. Last week I got really pissed at him and basically texted him that i lost all respect for him over something that had happened. Anyway for a week I ignored his emails, texts, and IMs. I just wasn't ready to talk to him since I was so angry. And for the first time I actually got emotion out of him due to this. Well I finally calmed down and decided I needed to tell him what I needed. It basically came down to me telling him "I was willing to be patient but I don't want to waste my time" I was very honest with him. I did tell him I was scared and I did want to keep seeing him. He told me he was scared of getting attached to me. There were lots of things that we talked about and he told me he had a lot of thinking to do. I just kind of agreed but he did say he would call me the next day and he didn't. I don't want to pressure him at all since more than anything I want to be with him. I just don't know if its a bad sign he didn't call when he said he would Granted we talked sunday night and its only tuesday but I guess I am freaking out. I don't want to lose him and its too hard for me to walk away. The ball is pretty much in his court right now. Anyway, I just don't know what to think right now. Did we break up? Are we breaking up? Do I just wait for him to call? This sucks. I am so sad right now.
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well he removed all the tags on facebook of us. Real nice. I wonder if he did it to get my attention or if he did it because he is just over it.
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I think knowing that he truly didn't care for me is what kills me inside. Makes me feel completely insignificant
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hahaha. if it were only so simple. Dropping someone cold turkey is extremely heart wrenching and difficult. This is the first time I have ever ignored him. Its really difficult. And really hurts he doesn't care that he lost me. He has already been dumped. I told him I lost all respect for him. I can NEVER call him or contact him again because I need to keep the little bit of dignity I have left.
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Well that's how all of us feel, why keep talking to them if they are so bad. When you are emotionally involved and are in love with someone its much easier said than done. For the first time I stood up for myself. Just kind of strange for me not to respond to him, but I guess there is no point. A part of me wants to keep him wondering.