Gold Hawk

The best advice I can offer you is to give him an ultimatum. You need outside help and a counselor to sort through this with you. Understandably the pressures of extended famiiy difficulties are a cause for depression. Unless he has a valid reason other than this... you seem to be the recipient of his bad humor.

Does he see and acknowledge there is a problem? If so... then what does he see as potential solutions?

What's the phone number?

I can pass in drag.

----------------------

 

Not really a good idea to humor those folks.

THAT IS FUNNY!!!!!!

She needs to see a doctor ASAP.

Panic attacks they may be. However... internal organs will start shutting down. She's ematiated. She is not getting enough nutrition the body is eating itself. People with anorexia "CAN" have heart-attacks.

Get her to a doctor right away.

If she won't go... pick up the phone and called Family and Human Services and get someone in that house NOW.

I'd give her notice. It does not sound like a good fit.

Who is the baby's doctor? Did she leave you with a name and phone number of the doctor? I never leave my kids with anyone without that information.

I'd have asked her for a note from the doctor. I'm surprised she didn't bring the antibiotic with her. How often does he take it? What is the brand?

You're absolutely correct in that he should be holding his own cup by 11 months. Walking?? well... some kids don't. My oldes walked one week after 1st birthday.

This is simply not a good fit for you. Nothing that you did. The mother seems too blase' with her child.

I very much agree with you on this. I don't care what people think about children from single parents, they are no less a person because their parents haven't been married.

At one time I would have held a more traditional view on children born out of the bounds of matrimony. I don't feel that way anymore. I've seen people who should NOT be together. All they do is hurt the children with the picture they are potraying of how a "relationship" should be. Those children grow up having many difficulites in maintaining "normalcy" in a relationship.

Yes... it is the most benefitial to a child to have two stable parents. Agreed. However...if a child has ONE parent who is responsible, loving, caring and tends to thier needs... more power to them.

Having just gone through a divorce... what shocked me the most was the way that my "x" saw me as a possession. He saw the loss of $$ and stuff and future $$. That piece of paper.... gave him ownership over me and my earning potential. There was no "ME" in this relationship. He suffered the loss of comfort that I brought to him monetarily and pysically. Amazing.

I can agree with that. The plan all seemed to be layed out in the open didn't it.

You finish Highschool and go on to college. You find a special someone to be with. You date. You land your first real job. You maybe dating for a few months and people ask..."when are you getting married?". You wile away the hours with your partner and plan on having that house in the burbs, white picket fence and 2.3 children. And then you marry. You scurry like rats trying to make all ends meet. You dot the "i" cross the "T's" have your children. Pay all your bills. Change jobs and homes. Upgrade upgrade upgrade. Mayhap even keep up with the Jone's. And then one day..."POOF"... you wake up and you find yourself on the other side of divorce and wonder... "what in the he11 do I do now".

Confusious say... don't make same mistake twice. hmmmm... exactly where did I go wrong? so you start going through that baggage with a fine tooth comb. And... you try to live. You try to figure out just what you're gonna do with the rest of your life.

On the up-side... you do discover that there are many things you haven't done in a long time. There are many dreams that lay dormant. There is so many things for you to see and do.

The plan??? ahhhhh there is no pre-written plan. Divorce is still a fairly new concept and still bears "some" stigma. grin. So you wing it. And write your own script.

Dako...

I don't know if there will ever be a man I won't run from when the waters get deep. That I can't answer.... lost my crystal ball.

And no... Ahmed, I'm not sleeping with all my friends.. heaven forbid. Give me some credit here.

I'm not that skiddish of a rabbit where I run at a mere glance either. I happen to like spending time with my friends.

Carnileanbutterfly... EXACTLY. Not a friend with benefits no. But a friend you can spend time with and be intimate without boundaries being forced on you.

I've done the boyfriend/girlfriend phase in my teen years.

I've done the marriage thing in my 20's and 30's.

I have children. I don't need that piece of paper to allow me to procreate and make my children legitimate. They are here. They are loved and they are legitimate.

I am very much in a phase of my life of rediscovering myself. Discovering new likes, dislikes and loves. Feeling out my world and seeing what it has to offer and what I can offer it. I feel fortunate that I am a product of this day and age and I have "Options" I don't need a man to define me. And yet... I continuously run into men who want the brass ring. Isn't that supposed to be a female trait??? lol.

Are you certain she is 20 years old and not a minor???? Did she tell you or do you have proof?

I find it difficult to believe that the police would involve themselves in looking for ABBY if she was/is truly 20 years old. They have no jurisdiction. Adult age in the United States the last time I checked is 18. Legal consent is age.. 18. I think you may have been led astray. If you are 24 and she is only say.... 17 then you are in a world of hurt.

You need to back off and pronto.

Absolutely beautiful. I love it. I've been told many times how expressive my eyes are and the story they tell... even though I keep my-self hidden.

And the answer to your question is yes... You'll one day be able to free that spirit. From time to time.

Dako....

I am happy with my life. I question if this is "NORMAL" Not to want any sort of permanacy in a relationship. Any shackle. Any thumb over me. Any possesive pronoun attached to my person. Some in my family would say..."what do you mean you want to be single forever?

everyone wants someone. Everyone needs someone."

Sure...trust may play an issue. I'm exploring that piece of baggage. However, it difficult to not know what you know. Unlearn what you have learned isn't it. The naive virgin eyes that I viewed relationships with is gone. The pretty flowery words and gestures have all been played before. I've heard that song before. Over and over again. "I LOVE YOU"...

yep ok... what does that mean. You almost want to choke with laughter and say.. "Yeah ok..have heard that sentiment before." And yes... that is so unfair that I'm such an ungracious recipient. I think that it takes a lot more than a few dates or a few stolen moments for "LOVE" to build.

I've gone out on dates and have had men tell me within a few dates they want to marry me and speak their undying devotion to me. My response..."Thats nice" and I turn tail and run. I've had friends I've gone out with start planning out life till the last breath.

Here's one for you. I had one date with a man who immediately wanted me to quit my job,

pack my bags and move 6 states over.

I love the words of Rodney King... "Can't we all just get along?" I'd change it to say...

"Can't we all just go out and be friends"

"I like your question about dating having a goal. Many see dating as an interview process in the search for a relationship, but I often wonder if that overlooks the simple pleasures of enjoying company without major demands."

EXACTLY... I am one of those rare female mammels that want the simple pleasures of enjoying the company of a man without demands, nooses, restrictions, or salutaions attached to me. I'd love to attend a play or concert alone...however its ever so much more wonderful sharing that time with a friend.

I think my question stems from the constant Gorrilla Warfare I have to wage with my male friends. Everytime I go out with someone new... inevitably I'm put on the spot and have to either to back them up... put them in their place... or stop going out with them because they all want something more from me. Something I just am not ready to give yet. And I'm not talking about the physical end of the relationship... I'm ok with all that

haven't completely lost my marbles.

DN... that has always been one of my favorite poems. I'm a woman and it still speaks to me. Thanks for posting it and bringing back some good memories.

Most of the points I wanted to write on have been outlines. What I consider to be a good man is someone who is well put together. Have a JOB. Have Goals. Be positive and keep an open mind.

One of the things that I would look for in a young man would be that he be gainfully employed. It would show that he's serious, responsible and knows how to take care of himself.

Take care of yourself. I don't want a "mama's boy"... there's a time that every young bird must fly from the nest and make it on his own. Not that I need anyone to take care of me but he'd at least be able to take care of himself and our future off-spring. There is NOTHING wrong with learning how to keep house and take care of household task. Its a necesarry evil.

Open mindedness. Men who are racist or have a bia's are a turn off. I'd want someone who could walk in all walks of life and be secure with himself. Insecurities are a TURN-OFF. Jealous men are a bigger turn off. Possessive men ... a big NO-NO.

Goal oriented. Its a great big world out there... and there are a million things to learn and see. Don't want or need a couch potato gaming wizard. That would fall under the little boy catagory.

Honesty. Truthfulness. Respect. All those fall under the manly man catagory.

How long does it take to heal from a bad break-up? How long does it take to want a relationship? How long does it take to trust again?

I've been divorced for four years. I've tried dating and I am ok with it. I love to go out and meet new people and have fun. But I am so not ready for a relationship. How do I know? Anytime anyone starts getting close to me... I run for the hills. I find the nearest hole and I dive like a scared rabbit.

I love my life the way it is. I love being on my own. I love the peace, traquility and solitude. I come from a large family... and they pretty much keep me busy and fufill that "family" acceptance, belonging thing.

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy male comapionship, but not as a live in, or a BF, or gosh forbid husband material. I've lost that need or that naviette' that I had as a young 20 year old, many moons ago. Am I such a bad person that I do not need a CONSTANT Mr. Someone in my life?

Does Dating always have to result in some kind of end result... goal???

All 5 of my brothers belong to a club.... want me to ship them to you? It'd get them out of my hair for a while!!! They really are the sweetest gentlest souls in the world and they are always ready to rescue a damsel in distress.

I agree with everyone else here. Change the things you can change. If you have any contact with him be very firm, cool and detached. Devout of emotion.

Unfortunately.. there is NOTHING you can do but respect her wishes. You may be right and she doesn't want to see you because her relationship and feelings are stronger for her "insecure" boyfriend. Sometimes.... the only thing you can do with a friend you love... who wishes their space... is to let them be.

You might want to drop her an email and tell her how you feel about her and that she will always be your friend. You will respect her wishes and remove yourself from the picture. However, if she ever has need or wants to see you she can always call on you.

When and if she does... don't judge her. Or say.."I told you so." be her friend and just be there for her.

Just getting out of a "bad marriage" it would give anyone the willies getting into a new relationship. You need to sort through your baggage slowly but do sort it out.

And... yep. He just may have had a bad day. This is how he deals with it. Let it ride for a bit.

Just because you do something "every wednesday" or by route.... doesn't mean that either one of you can't break it up a little bit and take time for yourselves. Sometimes you need that alone time. Let him have it when he needs it. And hopefully he will respect you enough to give you your space as well when you need it.

Have you tried to get her out of the house? Take her to see a movie.... maybe take her out for an ice-cream cone. Take her for a walk. Anything to get her out of the house and doing something different. Restrain yourself on the "loser boyfriend" comments. You may fully be right. If she hasn't become stronger or made changes in her life.... the likely hood that she will attract the same sort of guy is high.

Don't judge her. Be her friend.

Very Sweet Poem. She's a lucky young lady to have you think and pray for her.