california_love2006

well that is a horrible thing to hate on a person for, something very uncontrollable such as height. seeing your statement "intense need to be liked by people" also sort of pertains to me. i feel that people have better things to do than talk to me, if thats what you've felt also anyways.

renaissancewoman, you sound just like me. i wish i can talk to a counselour soon but i can't tell my mom, because even if i'm sick she makes me feel guilty, paying for medications and/or therapy will get her really mad. i need to get some insurance for myself soon, and have my boyfriend help me out. have you learned anything in counseling yet?

thanks for the responses I'm thinking my parents do play a role in this. My parents dont have the best marriage, they have split up many times and got back together, and the only reason they married is cause i was born. Even though i know its not my fault, sometimes i wish it never happened cause my mom has always complained to me about all the stuff my dad puts her through, being mean and all and she doesnt' know that it hurts me when she talks about that. I feel guilty for being born. About gifts, not really, but my mom always has said to me in the past and even now, that when i buy something she will either sigh (me knowing that she obviously dont want me to get it) or flat out tell me she's not made of money or something. and i swear i dont buy stuff in excess or anything, i can even buy a box of tampons and she'll get upset. My sister, however, is spoiled rotten and my mom will buy her just about anything. and i'm 18 years old, this isn't about sibling rivalry or anything, i dont hate my sister, but i've come to notice and my mother has even admitted that they spoil her and not me. i'm probably not making any sense but anyways, the way my mom acts towards me sometimes when i need stuff makes me feel like just going out and living on the streets.

i'm an 18 year old female to start off my post, and i'm wondering if i could possibly have depression or something of the sort. All my life i've always felt guilty for something, i honestly wasn't a bad kid or a bad person so i really and truly didnt' need to feel guilty. However, i've noticed an increase in the past few years and now i'm just getting sick and tired of it. My dad has just bought me a new car, this is my first one, and i feel like crap about it most of the time. I feel, what did i do to deserve a car? Right now i'm still in high school and i have no job as of now so i'm still relying on my parents for money. If i get something, any expensive food or clothing item, i feel guilty again. I'm always trying to get things on sale and i try to eat cheap foods sometimes, even when i'm out with my boyfriend i'll try to order something that's not expensive. and i'm not a tightwad or whatever they call people who are penny pinchers, i just feel so guilty when i cause other people to spend money on me or anything. And if someone is in pain, sick, sometimes i wish i can have the pain/illness because i feel so bad for them. i'm trying to break this up so you all dont have a whole boring paragraph to read, but its more than that. Next year i'll be off to college and i feel guilty that my parents will be paying, and i feel 'what did i do to deserve a college education?' and sometimes i even wonder, what did i do to deserve to live. It hurts to think such things but i really feel bad sometimes. Other times i can be happy, but if i get too happy, i end up getting sad and feeling guilty again. Christmas day can get me depressed, i've cried many christmases because i feel so guilty that i get any presents from people or i feel sad that there's people out there with no family to be with or anything. i'm sorry this post is so long, but i really could use help. even if you can't help just put your two cents in, it'll be great. I'm just trying to figure out why i feel so guilty all the time basically, to the point where i wonder why i'm alive. Its quite painful to think this, and any help is appreciated.