seahorse79

ok, i feel like my fiance does not feel the same way i do about him. I feel stupid and silly for thinking this, but its the truth. I love him, and i know he loves me because he moved here all the way from california, which i'm very grateful for. The thing is, sometimes i wonder about him. I feel he ignores me a lot. Its not like we see each other all the time, we dont live together, i have school and work and he has work. A few days ago, we hadn't seen each other all day, so i went to his place and thought we could watch tv for a while and maybe have some alone time. When it came time for that "alone time", he just flipped on his laptop. Needless to say, i left lol. It made me sad how he makes me feel like this a lot. I feel like there could always be something better to do, than be with me. It makes me mad how he's kinda thoughtless too. Please dont think i'm a complainer, i'm far from it, its just that after almost 4 years in a relationship a person can only take so many repetitive things that hurt. For christmas, i got him many thoughtful gifts. i put a lot of thought, time, and money into these things. I got him things like, his favorite football team things (a book, dvd), a firefighting calendar (he is going to be one someday and likes these kinds of things) and well, you get the idea. I gave him things from my heart and he liked the gifts, but kinda looked like he didn't care again...lol. The gift he gave me, was not so thoughtful. I showed him i appreciate it, and i do, but it looked like a 10 minute gift that he just wrapped up and didn't even know what it was. Well, basically i wish my fiance cared more, or at least expressed more. I have to initiate everything almost, kissing, hugging, holding, anything. i cant' remember the amount of times he's said "i love you" without me having to say it first. It hurts me a lot and i dont feel like he's falling out of love with me (due to the fact he has moved all the way here just for me) but i just can't feel the love from him anymore. i dont know what to do.

I met my now fiance online 3 years ago, we love each other dearly. i guess you all have experienced the whole parting scene, and well, each time it gets harder. this last visit he was here for 2 weeks, we slept together and were with each other EVERY minute of that 2 weeks, not even exaggerating except for maybe bathroom visits lol. during the last few days of the visit, i dont know why, but i started getting angry and out of nowhere just getting silent when we were having fun and shutting him out. i wasn't getting tired of him or wanting him to leave or anything, it was bouts of depression or something and i even cried for like an hour (or more) a few times. i used to be more reasonable than this when he left, i understood it had to be done and all that. this time he applied for a few jobs to move here and i'm happy about that but the whole process will take a while. but anyways, ever since he left i've been sad, depressed and angry and i've never been like this before on the other occasions he left. usually, i could bring him to the airport, cry maybe just a few tears, and head back home to my normal routine and be ready to take on another day. Now i'm doing that, but i feel like crying 75% of the day. Sometimes i'm frustrated with him because i feel like he doesn't have the same feelings i have about him leaving, i feel like he isn't sad like me (not that i want him to be, but you know, i'm just having crazy, stupid feelings and i can't stop them) When i was crying about him leaving, i kinda expected him to shed a few tears but all he did was flip on the tv. anyways, i guess i'm just wanting no help in particular,i just want to know if any of you have ever felt similar to how i feel right now, and how i can pick myself up somehow. i think i'm just extremely sick of the distance, and maybe i'm taking it out on him (not my intentions but yeah maybe so)