CaughtUp

Ailec1987 ...Hmmm...That sure makes me think. Maybe I'm just toooo understanding and forgiving. These thoughts have crossed my mind prior, but I've always dismissed them and convinced myself that he IS sorry because of how much he claims to love me and how much he pleads that this was such a huge mistake that he'd never make again. Feeling a little nieve, -CaughtUp

WOW! Thanks everyone. That's a lot to think about. We are both in individual counselling and trying to learn to deal with this situation. But all your responses do help quite a bit and I really appreciate you all taking the time to help. I really feel like I'm stuck in a position. There isn't a moment in the day that goes by that he isn't begging for me back. Though we are still living together, (for the kids and financial reasons on both our behalfs), I have told him that I can not feel the same for him anymore, without counselling and him proving to me that he DOES deserve me. The problem is, is that he is constantly questioning me as to, do I think this is going to work out?. I don't have an answer to give him. The truth is, is that I don't know. I do know that I loved what we had very much. He was so affectionate and caring. He would drop anything on a dime for me. He was what I thought, everything I ever wanted in a man, especially when it came to emotinal respect and his personality. Is it foolish of me to think that he really IS all these things? If so, What was the infidelity about then?? He says he just made a mistake and could never do it again, but I don't understand why after being so perfect with me, would he do such a thing. AND carry it on so long. He says he was just greedy and wanted what he knew he could have at work, and still come home and have me. We both were eachothers everything. We held eachother on such a pedastal. We were always together having the time of our lives. I never with held sex from him, so that just can't be an excuse. I just don't get it. Anyone see hope in our relationship? I do love him, or should I say, I truly loved what he portrayed to me while he wasn't messing with this other woman. Don't know what to think guys. Thanks again for all your thoughts!

My Fiance cheated on me while I was pregnant. Several times. It was a work related affair that continued through sexual acts and flirting throughout our entire relationship and ended a few months ago when this other women left the job. He never told me until I confronted him with it after the other girl had told me. (We happened to be friends for several years prior to this). He admitted to everything. HOWEVER, through my pregnancy, I sensed something was wrong. I could just tell from his behaviour and whenever I would ask him questions calmly, he would freak out on me and cause a huge yelling match saying that I need to stop being paranoid or we will not last. Most of the time the fight would end by him walking out and me being sick to my stomach. ( I was in and out of hospitals many times due to stress and almost lost the baby, but thankfully I didn't). I feel like he is a comlete liar. Not just about the affair, but in many situations. The affair just topped it off. I know he has a lot of problems from his past and that is the reason he continuously lies but it really scares me that he can lie so freely, and that he will stop at nothing to protect his lies. I could have supported him through lying, and any problem that he needed help with but with this affair I just feel so violated and crushed. Now he promises me that he will stop all the lies and that he will NEVER cheat again, but I'm stuck debating if this is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, now that I know the whole truth and see the person he really is. It scares me a lot because I loved this man more than I've ever loved anything and I absolutley loved what we had together. I can't believe he did this to me and our family. (We have 2 kids). It hurts so bad that he would be even ABLE to commit to sexual acts with someone other than me. I could have never done that to him. I feel like we may never be the same. I feel like all the love I had for him has been wrecked. And I feel that now I only love what I thought he was. As much as he promises me things will be better, Is this the man for me?? I feel like he doesn't deserve me, but I don't wanna let him go cause I believe he will be better in the future. I am in counselling now, and even my counseller doesn't understand why or how I could still love him and want to continue this relationship. I am starting to ask myself that and it really is troubling that I cannot come up with an answer as to should I stay or is it best to go. Thanks all for your gentle words and kind help. -CaughtUp