Seraphim

I know what they did Sherry, I guess I sounded like I didn't. He was cremated and buried, after the lab tests. I found out 9 months after he was gone. My mother called the hospital for me because I could not face doing it. I just wish they had consulted me, ya know? I would have wanted to bury him with some dignity not in a common grave. I was SO shell shocked after and my husband had just had knee surgery and then I needed surgery. The whole time after his death was a mess. I would not have wanted him cremated. At least he was buried, because he was delivered in a Catholic hospital. I know where he is buried too. I am sad this weekend because he died the 24 weekend and I am not close to him so I can not go to his grave. Maybe my mother will go for me. Thanks so much for keeping up on here with me Sherry, it means a lot.

This morning was another flash back, they are seldom now, but around the time you died they happen now and again. It is just so grizzly to see your frayed umbilical cord. I just wished SO much they had consulted me about what they did with your body.

No parent should have to bury their child. This weekend I light your candle from your funeral once more.

The day is creeping closer and closer and then it will be over again for another year,thankfully.

I can NOT believe it. I woke up this morning and another migraine is on the verge of starting. I am ready to blow my own brains out,seriously.

I think this 2 day migraine is finished. I am not sure though because they stop and start and stop and start some times. I am hoping it is over though cause I can not take the pain.

Gah.........another migraine,both my son and I woke up with one. I think this one will be a pukey one.

Next month you will have been gone four years. That is so hard to imagine.

I am sorry Metro. I hope you feel better soon. I think the reason for the changes in mine is heading into menopause.....yipee, not. I feel like an alien. It is awful. More headaches, the wacked out emotions and the periods every 20 days are not impressing me much.

Well, another migraine surprise surprise. I am guessing the increase is due to my hormonal havoc around going menopausal. If it is not the hormones making me into an insane tired person, then I am dying with a migraine, there is no winning lately.

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I know there was someone on here who suggested maybe I am getting cluster headaches. My mother suggested that too this week because she got them when she was younger as well as migraines. That seems plausible when I looked at all the symptoms. I get some headaches that are far more severe than my usual migraines, some that are so bad I have actually begged to die it is THAT bad.

Phew I am glad that it is over. It went about 10 pm last night.

Sigh. Day 2.

Yeah I get you.

Thanks Metro. I hate the pain so much, but I think I hate the sick tummy more. I am sorry you get them too. I also feel super bad that my son gets them too. Do you find it changes your temperment when you have one? It makes me very angry and defensive and I have to fight my urge to rip everyone's head off.

Migraine time.........super annoying. I have had one since noon. I think it was the cucumbers. Made the drive home long. Plus my mother gave me her 2 female bettas so I had to hold the bowl instead of sleeping this off.

ew another migraine headed my way. I think because I have my hair up. I hate it down though. Maybe it is better to cut it all off.

Yes, I have had those that last for days and all you want to do is have someone kill you or kill yourself, literally, that is how bad it is. I have begged people to kill me.

Yeah, child abuse burns my biscut. It makes me so frickin mad. I should just avoid the troliolios........gah do not feel the trolls Vic, do not feed the trolls and you wont get a migraine.

Great a migraine. I should know better than to participate in things that cause extremes in emotions.

Maybe it is better had I not seen your body. I do not know. Would you have been "less real" to me in a sense. Would I have suffered less? You are and always shall be so real to me, like any living person is. My mother thinks I should not talk about you anymore, or at least not in the sense that you were a person. Why??!! You had a heart beat, a face, a soul!When my brother's wife lost their first baby she kept that baby's us pic in a frame wrapped up in a drawer for like 5 years and she cried and bawled about it. She was very very supportive of me when my baby died but she is harder on me in every way, more so than with my brother. Maybe I am just seeing the side she did not show them and I do not see her grief about my son because she wants to spare me that.

Well Spring is coming once more. I can feel it. I can feel you today too. When the house is quiet like today. When I am forced to be still. Then I can hear you. I can feel your little pat on my shoulder to give me comfort. I know you want me to be happy while you wait for me.

I totally believe that there is a connection between the mind and spirit and the body. Whatever you do not deal with or deal well with in life in terms of emotional pain will be revisited on your body and be reflected as "dis ease" If there is dis ease in the mind there will be dis ease in the body.I feel that is part of my issue FrogisFree, definitely. There is a genetic component for me as well as my mother has them and so does my son. My mother has had them since she was 3 years old. I developed them in my early 20's. My son has had them since he was 6 years old. I have a very dear friend who believes as you do that most of it is emotional damage that has not been dealt with. Thank you for your post.