Beaker5

Hi guys,

Sorry about the last thread I started about a week ago. I was totally hysterical and soooo angry and I just went overboard with the cursing...which is something I usually don't do. I guess he just brings out the worst in me. I actually had a week to calm down though. And I feel better now. I went to a concert with a friend and had a good time this past week.

I guess the things that are going through my head right now are questions. I just can't believe how he would simply cut contact with me and "move on" with her. How can it be so easy for him? Doesn't he think about me? Doesn't he care if I'm alive? It's literally like he threw me into a garbage can and never looked back. How can someone do that to someone else? Someone that they "loved"?

It's just so scary to think that I was actually with a person that lies, manipulates, cheats, and treats the other person the way they feel like treating them. But the really scary part is that I would always blame myself and he would blame me too. It wasn't until after he dumped me for her that I slowly started to realize the truth...that it wasn't my fault after all and that he was leaving me because of her.

I'm actually glad there's a myspace available for people because when my boyfriend dumped me at the end of spring semester...he simply told me that he "didn't feel the same way anymore". I suggested to him to take a break from the relationship during the summer to see if he really wants this..and he just kept saying "I don't know". Well, I was devastated but I said some sweet last goodbye words and I told him how he's such a good person, etc...

3 weeks into the break up, I was hellbent on finding something that would somehow give me info on him because I knew something was wrong and that he was leaving me for a reason more than what he told me. And after those 3 weeks, I finally DID find something. I found a myspace page that he had made right after breaking up with me and I found messages that he had been sending to his best friend's sister. (It's funny because he always used to say myspace was stupid). They were going out. He had been cheating on me with her for pretty long and I guess had been planning to dump me at the end of spring semester after he sucked out the last drops of blood that I had in me.

Here's why this helped me....I thought that he was just going through a bad time and needed some time off..so I wasn't healing for those 3 weeks...I was simply waiting and crying everyday and hoping that he would contact me. Once I found that on myspace, I immediately realized that all of those gut feelings had been correct and that he totally wasn't the person I thought he was and that he was some type of compulsive, manipulative liar.

I haven't checked his myspace since then and I plan on never checking it. I'll admit I have wanted to but it really is self control. I'm almost afraid to check it because I know I'll end up getting hurt and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. So I just stay away.

Thanks GreatGuy and PRSOV,

I was actually seeing the counselor at my college when I was taking summer classes but classes are over and unfortunately, I won't be able to get the car until probably two weeks from now. She helped me a lot during that 1st week after finding out that he was cheating.

I just feel so much regret right now. I regret wasting all of that time and not listening to my "gut feeling" and I regret not knowing that he was cheating on me when he was trying to break up with me because I said some really nice things to him...like how he was a wonderful person and how I was lucky to have a place in his heart...etc...ugh...What a lunatic I must be. Then 3 weeks after the breakup I found out the truth and that's when I went completely nuts.

Hi guys ,

I'm really sorry for posting yet another new thread but I can't help it. I've been trying to sleep for about 2 hours already and I can't because I keep remembering all of the horrible things that * * * * * * * did to me...even during the first year of the relationship.

I don't understand what his problem was...I remember he would say that he loved me but then he would make fun of me in front of his friends...like I remember once he made fun of my sneakers..and another time he made fun of me wearing a jacket when it was relatively warm outside. And he used to say some cruel things and I remember that even a mutual friend even told him that he shouldn't speak to me that way. Also, he stopped giving me compliments and I would get more compliments from his friends than from him. And when I would talk about how he was before with me and the beautiful memories we shared and the sweet things he said in the beginning of the relationship, he would simply deny them and claim that he never stated any of those things.

He also used to deny all of the bad things he would tell me...like when he broke up with me the first time to have a fling with another girl..(which I didn't know at the time, but had a gut feeling), he was so cruel to me...he denied everything we shared and basically just wanted to throw me away and told me he didn't love me. And I started seeing changes in his personality..like him putting up pictures of half-naked girls all over his dorm and stupid things like that. After a while I actually accepted it and things were starting to look better and I was actually getting happy to be free but he came back and I accepted him..(probably the biggest mistake of my life). So then two more years of torture continued.

Now that I'm looking back, I have feelings of regret. He did horrible damage to my self esteem and now that he dumped me, I feel like I was simply nothing to him. This hurts so much because he meant so much to me. I don't know why but for some strange reason, I would always block out the bad and look at the good in him.

Another thing that is killing me is that I didn't get a chance to release my anger towards him and almost tell him that I know what he did and tell him how he was the horrible person and that it wasn't me after all. I feel like he got away with everything and he's laughing about that. I don't know what to do and I feel completely hopeless and helpless right now. It's almost like..he took the final blow and left with everything and left me with nothing.

Please help me?

This is terrible....I've been having nightmares about him cheating and everytime I wake up, I have this horrible pain on my chest like if a horse kicked me or something. Then I start crying. I really hate this.

WOW...congratulations!!! That's great news. So I guess No contact really works for the best. of joy

Wow...thanks you guys...Thank you so much for your advice. I will take it and I feel better now.

Wow,

Thanks Shelly7. This actually gives me hope...maybe I will be ok. I'm also doing NC right now and have been for over a month and 1/2 and this really helps a lot. Sometimes you just need constant reassurance from people.

Hi guys,

I know I'm constantly posting new topics but I just feel really bad today.

I don't know why but today, I'm just so sad. I miss him so much. I've been going through the healing process and I've been doing no contact and I haven't checked his myspace at all since I found out about his cheating. So why am I having this relapse? I don't want to hurt anymore. To be honest, I really wish he would realize the error of his ways and leave that * * * * * he's with right now and beg me to take him back. But I know he won't. And I don't think I would take him back if he did....or maybe I would. I know...I'm so pathetic. But I can't help it. I really loved him and I never thought him capable of hurting me like this. And right now I feel so worthless and I feel like she's better than me. Part of me really wants to check his myspace but I haven't done it and I won't do it because I know it'll hurt. I just feel so sick right now...

Please help me?

Hi blemished,

I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I don't really know much about giving great advice but I think I could relate to your situation because I too ended a 2.75 year relationship about 1 and 1/2 months ago and he actually operated in denial as well and would always somehow twist everything to make it seem like it was my fault. I found out about 2 weeks ago that he dumped me because he had been cheating on me....I saw his myspace page and the messages they had been sending to each other. We are also doing no contact right now and he hasn't even bothered trying to contact me. I'm sure he denies everything we ever shared.

As for coping with someone saying that you never shared anything special when you know in your heart that you did, I guess there really isn't much you could do. It's really not fair but you basically have to sit there and take it...because they don't care and there's nothing you could say to change their mind. It really sucks.

You're right...I do still care for him....I really don't want to anymore and I'm trying to hate him for what he did...but I can't stop caring. I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to stay away. Stay away from his myspace. I know I'll just want to choke him if I do see the messages..but I won't be able to because we are doing NC and he lives so far from me. lol. This really sucks.

Hi guys...Ok...right now I'm going through the healing process and I know that looking at his profile and the messages they're posting to each other will just put me through pain and set my healing back for a while...and I know the messages will keep replaying in my head...like they did when I found out he was cheating by looking at his myspace and I know I won't be able to sleep tonight. But right now...I soooooooooo want to look at his myspace. Why am I contemplating doing this to myself? I know its going to put me through pain. It's not going to solve anything. I'll just get more angry and more hurt.

Why do we do this to ourselves? If we know that something is going to cause us pain...why do we still want to do it?

Wow gaiden, I'm really sorry that someone did that to you. People are so inconsiderate of other people's feelings. Thanks Dako and Ailec1987. I really appreciate the advice from all of you.

I just feel so horrible because I didn't know he was capable of being such a liar. It hurts so much because I'm wondering if everything in the relationship was a lie. And the worst part is that all of his friends think I'm the bad person. She thinks he was "agonizing" in his relationship with me. And all of his friends are soo happy that he's with someone that is such a "good person". And the bad part is that lately, I've been having dreams of betrayal and him cheating in different ways. Does he even care about what I'm doing right now and how I feel? He didn't tell me he was cheating nor does he know that I know. I just want to get over everything and never have to see him again. And even though I try not to think about it, it still comes to mind.

He's just a person that could never be content with anyone...They could be the smartest, kindest, most beautiful person and he would still be "open" to other people. Like, now I know when he cheated on me for the first time and he dumped me when everything was perfect between us and we were only together for about 8 months. Then he came back I guess when things didn't work out between the other girl and him. I didn't know about this back then, otherwise I would have never accepted him back. It's like the truth all came out after he broke up with me..but not from him...from me doing research and analyzing his actions during the breakup.

I know it won't last between them because he is a complete follower. Like everyone he meets, he just starts to act like them. He has no personality. Every new friend that he makes he becomes a complete clone. He even became my clone for a while. lol. I just don't appreciate that he was probably telling her all of our relationship's intimate details. And during the time that he was cheating, I could feel him drifting away. I'm sure she was so happy. What a stressful semester.

Uncontrollable*

Guys...Ok...it has been about 6 weeks since he dumped me and about 13 days since I found out online that he had been cheating on me. You guys probably remember my story...If not, here it is:

GUYS...I just can't take the fact that he had been lieing all of that time. Like the past two nights, I haven't been able to sleep because I've been thinking of all the lies and how he got away with them. And tonight, I'm going nuts because I want to confront him so bad to let him know that I know and to make him feel bad. I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do.

He basically did get away with the lies and the cheating. He hasn't contacted me, and I haven't contacted him and its easy for him to remain in NC because we live pretty far apart which is why he waited for school to end to dump me online. He's having the time of his life right now. He made plans with her to dump me and to take the money from books that we agreed to sell back and to leave me afterwards. I'm so frustrated because he got off so easily. You know? Like he probably still thinks that I don't know anything and all of his friends are having a laugh because of that. I'm just so frustrated. It's not fair. I had no say in the breakup. I had no say in anything. Right now, nothing is fair and it hurts so much. And I can't sleep. Please help me!!!

You know, I totally agree with you guys on how hard it is to let go. Regardless of what my ex did to me, (cheated on me at least twice, and dumped me for her, and didn't tell me) I still miss him. I just wanted to make it work so bad. And all of his friends seemed to be in a healthy relationship and I just really wanted to make him happy. But he always seemed to be searching for someone else. Even when we were perfect with each other in the first year, he left me for someone else, then came back. I accepted him back because I didn't know that he was with that someone. We always told each other that we would be together forever but he just jumped into the arms of another woman. I miss him so much and I'm wondering if he's thinking of me.

Hi Guys

It's me: The person that went through this situation...You probably remember me.

Why can't I just find someone that would actually want to be with me too? I'm a pretty nice person, and I'm relatively attractive, and I have so much ambition...I know I'm going to go to graduate school and eventually get my doctorate. So what's wrong with me?

Sorry for complaining guys. It's just that I felt so happy this time last year with my ex because he was giving me his attention. And now, he has someone else and I have no one. How could he leave me for her? I guess he thought she was better. It just really sucks being neglected and then rejected. I feel like he's not even acknowledging that we ever had anything together. And all his friends support him because she's in their circle. Even his parents. I just want to be someone special in someone's life for once. What really sucks is that I always felt like I never really belonged to his circle. Almost like he never wanted me to belong. And I wanted to belong so badly.

Whoah!!! This really got me thinking about my ex. I'm now actually considering being "friends with benefits". LMAO...j/k

This is why you shouldn't make someone your whole world... I made that mistake and he did this to me. I just feel so hopeless right now. So not in control of anything.

I'm soooo irritated at everything right now. I can't take this. I can't take this.!!!!!

Hi Carolineg,

Thanks so much for your advice...unfortunately, I'm drained in the creative department for now too because I just took two summer courses this past month. And my mom keeps * * * * *ing....jees...SHE JUST NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE!

Hi guys,

It has been 6 days since I found out that my ex was cheating on me and earlier today, I actually felt good, but now my mom came and started complaining so my mood is down once again. I'm just so tired of everything. Ohh....and there was this guy that was interested in me in school but I was in a relationship with the so I basically ignored him. But I thought the guy was really nice...so I checked his facebook account today and it turns out he now has a girlfriend. That sucks.

I guess I'm just trying to find a new person to be interested in because I'm so bored and lonely right now. And as much as I try not to think about my ex, he does come to my mind. I'm just really hurt right now. And I can't stand my mom's nagging. It's not helping. I just need someone...I guess when you actually look for someone, it doesn't really work...you kind of have to not be expecting it. I don't even know. Someone please help me? I'm just so tired.

I can't go anywhere because I don't have the car...my dad does, and I don't really have friends that live close, and when I try to ask my parents to go to the mall with me or do something fun, they just say no because they came from work and are tired. I can't go to the gym because I have no money...I'm broke right now. My brother is at work and he can't take me anywhere.

How could he lie to me? What did I do to him to deserve this? It's just not fair...as much as you could be in control of your own life, you can't really control what goes on in relatioships...you could only control your half...I guess that's why there's that quote "All is fair in love and war". It is true...things might occur that you don't necessarily agree with, but there really isn't much you could do about it.

If you have a "gut feeling" that he is cheating on you...DON'T IGNORE IT!!! I ignored my gut feeling and when I tried to confront him about it, he would deny it completely. He left me 4 weeks ago for another girl and I didn't even find out from him...I found out on myspace by snooping around. Based on my "gut feelings", he has done this AT LEAST 2 times before.

omg...you know...my ex cheated on me too and left me for another girl AND he also has cheated on me in the past and NOW i've realized this. They are selfish...people that cheat. The only reason why they hold on to YOU is because they want everything for themselves and deep down, they don't want to share you with anyone. My ex left me like 4 weeks ago, and I found out on myspace that he had been cheating on me. I hope he doesn't start bothering me once school starts. UGH....

Hi there nftw,

Let me tell you something, I am not very experienced in relationships but this past break up has been changing me completely as a person and I could feel it. I am more insightful when it comes to analyzing certain things now. Not as much as others i'm sure, but I don't know. I feel pretty good about giving advice.

Well, about him pushing you away, my ex boyfriend would do that too...but he was an * * * * * * *...and he cheated on me a couple of times. After that relationship, I started to ask myself what went wrong? Why did I let it get to this point? Then I remembered a book that I had to read for a class that I thought was soooo stupid. This book is called "Who Moved My Cheese?" It basically uses cheese as a metaphor for the thing you want out of life whether it be success, a healthy relationship, or whatever makes you happy. Well, as I was trying analyze what had happened, I realized that the cheese had been getting old ever since I started with the bastard.

They basically give you steps:

1. Change Happens

(They keep moving the cheese)

2. Anticipate Change

(Get ready for the cheese to move)

3. Monitor Change

(Smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old)

4. Adapt to Change Quickly

(The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese)

5. Change

(Move with the Cheese)

6. Enjoy Change!

(Savor the Adventure and the taste of New Cheese!)

7. Be Ready to Quickly Change Again and Again.

(They keep moving the cheese)

I don't know why people go to people that treat them like * * * *...maybe they are masochists. I certainly was...because I was with the bastard for almost 3 years and always kept going back for more beatings. Until he eventually got tired of treating me like crap....so he moved on to another girl...lol..

What other changes in his personality have you witnessed?