Beaker5

Hi Guys, It's me again. Guys...I really don't know what's wrong with me. Here's a recap:

1. He dumped me around May 21st and completely stopped talking to me but I would still go online and put up away messages about love and getting back together and stuff like that and I was just waiting..

2. I found out on Myspace that he had been cheating on around June 18 and I just stopped going on AIM EVER alltogether and I threw away everything of his and I deleted all of my myspace pictures of him and put that I am "single" and set up my profile to private.

3. I went through the crying for over a week and saw the school therapist so I think I've already gone through the mourning period AND I never checked his myspace profile again. I did NO CONTACT completely.

4. I stopped crying eventually but still thought about him and I still had nightmares but it was getting better....

BUT THEN, about two days ago, I accidently stumbled upon his myspace picture and just the sight of his picture broke me down. (I didn't click on it to see his profile). GUYS...I don't know what to do....If I was really healing, then why would I break down like that after all of this time and have a horrible relapse. Am I healing the right way? Am I doing something wrong? Please help me and tell me because I want to get to the point where I don't care anymore. ](*,)

Wow...I'm sooo proud of you. You're on the other side. I just can't wait till I'm there. Good luck!!!

wow Gator....very inspirational. Thanks!!!

ZOMG...are you serious? That's terrible, they laughed at you...the way he is laughing about me with her right now. His stupid new girlfriend. ....But I don't think that will happen between him and his ex ex girlfriend because they are both in a happy relationship right now and i'm the middle man with no one. lol..

omgsh...thanks rose2summer...wow...I never thought it could have such a horrible backfire if you came with good intentions and were completely honest. And thank you too lady00

What's funny about this whole thing is that I've actually been thinking about doing this for a veeeeeery long time but I knew I needed your approval before I did it. But today, I was convinced that I had to send her the message because I mistakenly found his page on myspace again. Through mutual friends' friends. I didn't click on it but I saw the picture and that was enough for me. I broke into tears. Why is it really a bad idea to contact her...maybe we'll end up being friends...what do you guys think?

lol...You guys probably think I've completely lost it. I can't help it you guys...thank goodness someone replied quickly because I was already halfway through the message. i deleted it.

Hi guys,

Ok...I'm sure you guys know my situation already because I post sooo much but here is what I think I'm going to do. I think I'm going to send his other exgirlfriend before me a message and tell her what happened and I'm just going to be very honest with her and almost ask her for her opinion or even for her help. She seems like a nice person and they broke up on bad terms...I'm assuming he did something to her (the way he did to me) so maybe I could get the closure from her that I did not get from him. What do you guys think? I'm like two seconds away from doing it. I mean...what's the worse that can happen? She doesn't talk to him at all and the worst could be that she'll just ignore my message...what do you think?

thanks moe!

I guess I just want to get even somehow but I know I won't. I'm just so pissed right now. As I am every day. This sucks.

lol..thanks you guys....you always talk sense into me...I actually woke up with this twisted idea in my mind this morning.

I'm thinking about putting up an Away message on AIM that contains something about cheaters and I know he will read it as well as his mom. Should I do this or should I just keep letting him think that I don't know anything. I haven't been on AIM ever since I found out about his cheating...(which was two months ago). So should I expose him to his mother. If she reads that, then she'll know what he did and that whatever he told her is a lie. What do you guys think?

omgosh...the same exact thing happened to me...I found out he had been cheating on me on myspace after being in limbo waiting and hoping for him to come back...not knowing that he was with her having a great time. He was a dirty liar that would have kept me in the dark forever if he could so thank goodness for myspace.

Hi guys...its me again. I'm trying to sleep right now and I can't because I was actually thinking about him and about her and about what she might be saying to his mom about me....LIES!!! I just don't know anymore...I feel so ugly and depressed and just like nothing. I want to be happy. I feel regret. I'm sorry I complain so much and have been so negative but I can't help it. You guys are the only ones that actually are there for me. My "friends" don't want to listen to me and my parents don't want me to talk about it anymore. So all I have is you guys to get me through this.

I'm just so upset right now. I still feel betrayed and still feel like it was so easy for him to drop me. He just left me with a click of his fingers...with no explanation...he left me waiting...waiting and hoping for him to come back...not knowing what he was doing...that he was having the time of his life with his best friend's sister while I was there waiting. He probably still thinks I'm waiting....He doesn't even attempt to contact me...I guess I'm just not worth the effort. I'm just so miserable right now. But what hurts me most right now is how he cheated on me one year into the relationship and I just realized this after I found out about his current girlfriend because of the tell tale signs that I had seen before but chose to ignore because I chose to believe him over my gut feeling. I just wasted so much time that I truly deeply regret. I regret it sooooo much. You know what I want...I want him to try to come back to me so I could reject him the way he rejected me. I just want that self esteem boost. I need something. I don't know. Please help me you guys...please. ](*,)

Hi poetsheart,

I'm sorry that your 3 year relationship ended in such a horrible way and I'm sorry that you've lost hope for finding "the one". I too have lost my belief in "the one" after my almost 3 year relationship ended in a horrible way. I guess we just feel that way because of the circumstances. I guess things will be better later on...hopefully.

HAHAHAHA...wow finewhine...that's pretty funny...thanks for making me laugh...it's so evil though (the STD thing)...lol...I wouldn't act on it...I want him to ruin his "happy relationship" himself...and she's no better because she knew we were going out and she still insisted on having an affair with him and slowly prying him out of my arms. They'll probably end up hurting each other...He never even had the decency to tell me...I found out on myspace...can you believe that? Well...they probably will end up hurting each other in the long run. Thanks again.

Thanks you guys for responding and for your advice...This reassurance really helps a lot like you wouldn't believe. I actually feel better now. I know it will get back to him. I know it will. But I have a question...do you think he'll think about me when it does? Like do you think he'll realize that the negative thing that happened to him was because of what he did to me?

Ok...I know this is wrong you guys but every day now, the main feelings that I have about my exboyfriend are that I really want him to suffer the way he made me suffer. And it's so bad because I actually sit there and cry and hope that he'll see what he did to me and how he hurt me and I want him to hurt too. I know it's selfish and very evil of me to wish this but you don't understand the pain I am going through. And I just want him to realize that he did this horrible damage to me. Soo...

About Karma...how exactly does it work? I just feel like he got away with everything, from the cheating to the lying, to the manipulating and finally to the using. He was horrible to me and always made me feel like I was the one to blame...so now, I want him and that stupid girl he cheated on me with and left me for to suffer. Both of them. I'm just so pathetic right now and frustrated and I just want him to know and to feel what he did to me. Any help please? Thanks guys.

Wow...that is a great post! Thanks.

yes I would like to know if someone was cheating on me. I'm saying this because my last boyfriend cheated on me and I also found out myself after he had dumped me for another girl. It was painful but it allowed me to see his true personality and to truly begin to heal.

Hi guys,

I think myspace is great because it actually helped me with my healing process. After my boyfriend dumped me because according to him, "Things went downhill", I told him that I would wait for him for as long as it takes because I thought he was just going through a bad phase. After three weeks of waiting for him to come back and crying everyday, I started to search on myspace. He didn't have a myspace account when he had been dating me and I actually found a new profile that he had created and it contained messages to the girl he had been cheating on me with!!!! WOW what a shocker that was to me...But because of that, I was able to move on and begin my healing process. I threw away everything that reminded me of him and I'm not waiting for him in Limbo!!! MYSPACE SAVED MY LIFE!!!

Also...Frigginexes, wow, I never thought of that...That actually makes sense:

You cant really disappear if you have a myspace and are updating it all the time. They will get their fix of you by looking at your page.

Thanks for the advice...I just set my profile to private.

Wow...you're right!! Thank you lady00.

Hi everyone,

It's me again. I'm just here because I'm kind of down today because it would have been our 3rd year anniversary today. I just feel like such a failure becuase it didn't last very long...all because of his fault. I feel like I wasted so much time for absolutely nothing, I tried and tried and he ultimately threw in the towel and went away with another girl. Two years ago today, we were sooooo happy. And everything was perfect, then he slowly started to ruin everything. Ugh...I'm just not going to think about the past because it's just painful. Well, thanks you guys for listening and for your support.

I guess I'll associate this day with the day I made the biggest mistake of my life...but I guess I had to go through this in order to get the experience I need to not make the same mistakes again and to not ignore the signs. Well, thanks again guys.

Thanks lady00. I'm sure I don't have any STD's, yes I was checked, but he could have easily given me them and that is what pisses me off so much, along with the lies and everything else.

It's because of this that I can't help to almost want "karma" to get him back for what he did. I know it's wrong to wish something negative onto others and I really don't wish any harm to him, but I feel like that would be the only way in which he'll truly understand the emotional pain he put me through. If he went through the same pain. Imean...he did really bad damage to my self esteem and the addiction was so difficult to get over.

Hi guys,

I know...I'm constantly writing stuff here. I'm really sorry but you guys are the only ones that actually care and don't mind being bothered by me telling you how I feel. Imean, I could tell that my friends don't really want to hear about my negative emotions and my negative experience with that * * * * * * *. So I don't bother telling them. Nobody wants a sourpuss (I guess). But you guys always seem to be there for me and I thank you guys so much.

Well, here goes. I feel terrible right now. I can't understand why he left like that with that * * * *. Why was it so easy for him to leave? I just don't understand. I feel lost and confused and I see other couples on myspace and I wonder how they could make their relationship work for so long and how we couldn't. I know for a fact that I tried my hardest but for some reason, he just seemed negative most of the time and never seemed to make any effort. And I would always think..."If only I did a little more" or "If only I tried harder". But he would never seem to try. He would just complain. What was his problem? He was the one that wanted to be with me in the first place and he's the one that was "so obsessed with me" and told me that "I was the one for him".

I'm just disgusted at him right now. Disgusted at how he cheated on me more than once and disgusted at his lies and how he didn't even consider the fact that he was putting me at risk of STD's when he was cheating on me. You know? If you want to be promiscuous and have sex with everyone you see...then by all means, go ahead. It's only your life...go ahead and catch something. But don't put the person you're with at risk too. That's just so low. Such a low character he has.

I need your help you guys. I just don't know what to do. I can't really do anything in my situation.