96GSX

Honestly, I'm holding back spikes of anger and rage that are developing just from the IDEA of being in your shoes. The last thing on earth I would want to do is meet this guy, ESPECIALLY if he was the one that wanted to meet me. I mean, why the hell would he want to meet you other than to see what his competition was,...who he believes he managed to defeat...for a period of time (sex). I'm sure it's all about the ego here, which is why I'd be so pissed off not only at the idea of him wanting to meet me, but that your gf who he had sex with, ALSO wants you to meet him. As someone else said before, she is either really naive and not considering your feelings (which I think most people who care about eachother would do), or she's being disrespectful on purpose...for what purpose I have no idea...sadistic maybe? To be honest, she wouldn't be my girlfriend again if she not only suggested that, but also encouraged it. I know thats easy for me to say not being in love with her, but if I were you, I'd drop her like it's hot, at least until she realizes the importance of your feelings, and if she never does...then good writtens to her and "the mystery man of sex when you two are broken up and friends when you aren't".

Well, looks like cold went back to hot. She txt'd me today, "Hey u, long time no talk." and I ever got a call this evening. Seems like maybe there still is a chance.

Is there's a possibility that maybe she still does have feelings for me, but yet, since we have been together and broken up a few times in the past (all painful experiences for the both of us) maybe she just doesn't want to get hurt again, and because things were starting up again so fast she got scared/vulnerable and backed up?

I've read other people having this same dilema, and I'm looking for advice. I had a long and rocky relationship for a couple years. Eventually there was a big fall out, lots of emotional pain, and a bad breakup. After a period of NC, I reach out and contact her again. At first she's excited to hear from me. Responding in a very positive way, inquisitive about my life and any changes that have been made. She even puts in effort to get together and see eachother again, but after a couple weeks of contact, and seeing eachother, and obvious hints that we still have feelings for eachother, the excitement slows down, then the communication slows down, and all of a sudden, she becomes completely unresponsive. What is this? Why is it happening? And whats the best course of action? Is she just stating to recall resentment again? What can I do about it?

Well, I'm starting to feel negative about this now. I txt'd her mon night asking how her night was...no response. I then txt'd her last night, telling her that I'm thinking about her, and wondering how she's doing...again, no response. Ugh.

Thanks Salt. Yeah, she's a rollercoaster. She's all about me one day, then distant the next. I'm sure she's feeling all kinds of mixed feelings. Days when she feels the love, and days when she remembers the pain. I'm sure she knows how I feel, and the fact that I told her I wanted to have a talk with her 1 on 1 probably did tense her up. I'll hold off on mentioning it, and see what happens, but it's hard to keep all of this bottled up inside. Ugh!

I'm really starting to lose my strength. I'm itching to just spill my guts in a big email and send it to her. Would this be a bad idea?

Well, I may have done this prematurely, but I sent her a txt letting her know that I would like to meet up with her, just the two of us, so that we can sit and talk. As soon as she got it, she called me, and she was asking what I wanted to talk about. I didn't budge. I told her it had to be in person. She kept trying to get it out of me, but I wouldn't. Eventually she gave up, and then changed the topic. She vented to me about having chest pains, and after about 30 min of arguing with her (not heated argument), I convinced her to actually do something about it (considering she's been having these pains on and off for about a year now) and go to the doctor. She really seemed to enjoy the fact that I was so concerned about her health. I could tell she was smiling on the phone, she was even laughing at times, especially when she would try and put it off, "Eh, it's not that bad right now, it'll go away." and I would tell her that she's such a procrastinator and needs to take better care of herself. Then she'd say, "eh I'll wake up early and go to the doctor, and I'd tell her that knowing her, she'd wake up, want to sleep more, and convince herself it's not so bad and that she can go back to sleep. She got a kick out of that. Anyway, the conversation was good, but she said that we couldn't meet up this past weekend to talk, because she was on duty for the army (the 1 weekend a month deal). I told her to let me know when we could. She said she would. Well the weekend goes by, and I don't hear from her, so I txt her on monday asking how it was. She responded "Horrible." When I asked why, she called me, and told me all about this creep who was new to her unit who was trying to hit on her, and wouldn't stop no matter how much she told him to. She had to go to her superior officer to file a complaint. The one good thing about that is that its obvious she's not into any guys right now...the bad thing is that I don't know if I'm one of those guys that she's not into. Anyway, she hasn't said anything about when we can meet up to have this talk yet. I don't know how long I should wait before I bring it up again, or if I even should. Ever since she has invited me to hang with her and her family those 2 times, it's almost like her interest has receeded. No longer does she contact me without me contacting her first. I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid or something. My female friends think she just doesn't want me to know that she is interested. Something about vulnerability. I personally don't get it, but I guess I never will. They seem to think, if she's giving me the time of day, and inviting me to be around her family, then there's a lot more than meets the eye, regardless of how proactive she is with letting me know she's thinking about me. I'm kinda lost, what do you all think? Am I on a good path here?

Ok, so I keep in touch with her via txt during the week last week for the most part. I leave her a lone for most of thurs and fri. Then I txt her on Sat with a, "hey you, whats up?" She responds, "Not much, you? I'm at the beach right now." I told her I was getting ready to go see superman in 3D at the Imax theatre, she said, "Oh [blank]! It's today huh? I forgot." I said, "yeah, np. But I was wondering if you'd like to get some lunch tomorrow." She responded with "I think so." I thought to myself, "I think so?...wt_ is that crud?" But I said, "Ok, cool, I'll call you later tonight.". Well I go see the movie, and once it's over, I txt her again, "You gotta see it, it was awesome." She wrote back, "I'm about to see Pirates 2, I'm actually in the theatre right now watching the previews." I said, "Nice, I want to see that too, let me know how it is." Well, my friend see's that I'm txting her and asks if he can txt her. I said sure. He said, "you don't mine? What do you want me to write?" I said, "I don't mind, you're my friend, and write whatever YOU want to write." He said, "wow, thats gutsy, but okay." So he txt'd her, "Mike's thinking about you." She responds immediately with, "reveal yourself". My friend starts laughing and is like, "Damn man, she's intimidating." So he tells her who he is, and wonders if she remembers him (we hung out together once). She txt's back saying she does remember him, and wants to know how he got her number. He tells her he got it from me. She responds with, "Is he with you?" He said yes. She then tried to call me, but I didn't hear it, and she txt'd him back, "I tried to call him." I saw that she did, and txt'd her back saying I was sorry I missed her call, but it was noisy where I was. I asked her whats up?" My friend then txt'd her saying how he can see it in me when he hangs out with me, how much I love her. She says, "what makes you say that?" And he writes, just that he was being honest, and how he has had a lot of friends and has known a lot of people who are of have been "in love" or loved someone, and out of all these people, none of them were as into theirs as much as I am into her. She didn't respond to him after that, and then txt'd me with, "Hey, you up?" I wrote back, "Yeah I'm up, whats up?" She didn't respond. Well the next day comes, and I txt her, "How was the movie last night?" She reponded, "It was good. Sorry about last night, I passed out." (we were txting eachother at like 4am). I told her it was all good, and asked if we were still on for lunch. She said, "Actually, I'm going to the beach right now, wanna go?" I told her I didn't feel like the beach all that much, but asked if she wanted to hang out later. She said she couldn't later. So I said, "Well, it's gonna take me about an hour to get home, would you still be up for lunch then?" She said, "Where at the beach?" I said, "wherever". She said, "k". Then about 30 min later, she txt's me again, "Is there something you need to talk to me about?" Thinking she was probably nervous about the whole love talk my friend had with her the night before, I wanted to calm her down a bit, and I said, "No, I just wanted to spend some time with you. Is something wrong? If you don't want to or don't have time, it's cool." She responded, "No, you can come if you want." So I show up, and again to my surprise, it's not just her, but her whole family. They greeted me well, and made fun of me, cuz I showed up at the beach with pants and a black shirt, and the mood was good. I sat down a bit away from her, where her nephew was, and played with him for a while. She kept trying to get my attention with little things here and there, "How was the movie?" "Did you have fun in the city last night?" "Look!"(she spilled something). I pretty much gave her short answers, and continued to sit in the shade rather than next to her in the sun (afterall, I WAS in pants and a black shirt). Eventally she was like, "you can sit over here you know?" pointing to a spot on the blanket next to her. I said, "well...it's kinda hot, I'm wearing black, and I got shade here." She pointed to a small corner of the blanket that was in the shade and said, "Look, you can sit there, there's a little shade there." I laughed and was like, "well...there's a lot of shade here, and little over there...I think that the best choice is more shade." She laughed and said, "good strategy." I thanked her in agreement. She then said, well, there's no blanket there, and you're knees are going to get tired crouching like that after a while. I said, "well, then I'll sit down." She said, "well your pants are gonna get dirty then." I said, "well, I have to wash them anyway." She laughed, shook her head, and gave up. "Oookaaaaay." I was pretty hungry at that point...having saved my appetite for the expected lunch with her, but I saw that she was going to continue to lay out in the sun, so I said, "Ok, I'm gonna go grab some grub." She said, "No don't got right now. I said, "Why?" She said, "Cuz, you gotta get me some too!" I said, we'll...c'mon. She said, "Gimme a few more minutes to cook, I gotta get dark." I said, "You're already a different race!" She laughed and said, no I need to be darker. I said, "Well, you sit there and cook yourself, I'm going to get some food, I'm hungry." She said, "Ok ok, I think I'm done anyway." She got up and came with me to the restaurant by the beach. We had good conversation. We joked, she vented to me about things that were bothering her. She made it a point after telling me how upset she was that her brother wasn't taking care of his 1 year old son very well and how she's more the mom than the real mom is, and she wishes she could take him for her own, because she's not going to be having her own kids for a "loooooong time", which she told me for the 2nd time. (Not sure if that means she's still single, or what. I'd like to think so). I started to see that the stuff she was venting about was bringing her down, so I said, "Lets change the subject, you're starting to steam over this stuff." She smiled and I said, "DIPPIN DOTS!!!" She loves them, so we finished our lunch, and went to get some Dippin Dots. I got her what she likes, and we started walking back towards her family. There was more joking and making fun of eachother on the way. Seemed all good. She got a phone call, and all of a sudden she was in a bad mood. SHe said it was work (army) and that she has to go back to the office, because they said she screwed up some paperwork. So she told her family she'd be back in a couple hours. I walked her to her car, then figured, I wouldn't stick around if she wasn't going to be there, so I said bye to her family (they said it was nice to see me again), and I left. I txt'd her later on that night to see how things went...she said she got in trouble. She vented to me about the situation, and I tried to comfort her. I think she appreciated it, because strait afterwards she was in a good mood, and txting me all about the crazy stuff she was watching on TV. Eventually I told her I was going to sleep, and wished her a good night. She responded with the same. And that was that. I messaged her the next day just once, "Happy 10th of July". She responded, "lol weirdo!" And thats how things were left. I'm not really sure what to do from here, or where this is going. I am noticing that I'm starting to get nervous, I feel emotions coming back, but I'm scared that maybe she doesn't want the same thing I want, or maybe she's seeing someone else. I dunno, maybe some of you can shed a little light on me with your views. Thanks.

She is 22 and lives with her parents who rely on her to help pay for the mortgage and other things that the family needs. They are a poor family.

Well, she just called and said she had bad news, and that she couldn't go to the casino. She said she was getting ready and her mom asked where she was going and when she said the casino w/ (me), her mom said that she didn't want her to go. She said why, but I couldn't hear her and I didn't want to press the issue. So I said no worries, and maybe we could do it some other time. Either she got cold feet, or the reason for cancelling is legit. She did sound upset about it, as opposed to when she called me to tell me she'd meet me in an hour. She said, "this sucks....I haven't been to the casino in a while." I asked her what she was going to do instead, she said she had to stay home to take care of her nephew, and was probably just going to watch TV till she goes to sleep. I told her to call me if she gets bored or anything. She said okay, and we ended the conversation there. Maybe her mom see's that all of a sudden my ex wants to spend lots of time with me, and is looking out for her. Who knows. I'm gonna try not to let it get to me all that much. Afterall, I DID have a really good day with her. Still could use everyone's .02 though. =)

Well...This morning comes along and she txt's me with "Happy 4th of July!...What do you have planned for today?" I wrote her back telling her I planned on going to the lake, but didn't know anymore, because the forcast called for scattered thunder storms." I then asked what time she was going to the city. She responded telling me that she wasn't going anymore, and that she was going to the lake too, and wanted to know if I would like to go. I told her I would. So I drive there to meet her, and I come to find out...she actually invited me to see her whole family, as they were there, and it was a family picnic. I was kinda shocked, cuz, the last thing I would have expected from her was to have me show up to see her in front of her whole family...who I'm sure was surprised to see me, and most likely questioned her about it the moment I left. So anyway, her mom is there, her brother, her nephew, her sis-inlaw shows up with her kids, and her mom. And things are going well. I notice that she's definitely paying attention to me, and what I'm paying attention to (I see her always looking at me in my peripheral vision, and if I'm looking somewhere else, she looks to see what I'm looking at), which made me feel good. She was always joking with me, and wherever she went, she wanted me to go with her (to the bathroom, to get some icecream, to the shops, to the car to get some money, etc). And during a moment away from her, her sis-in-law comes up to me and says, "How did you happen to come here?" I said, "She invited me...surprising huh?" She said, "Yeah, I didn't expect that, but it's funny, cuz I was just talking about you to her not too long ago." I said, "yeah, what about?" She said, "I asked her how you were, and if she missed you at all. And she said, 'yeah, it's been hard trying to get over him, but I think I can do it." Well...maybe I shouldn't read into this the way I am, but if she's still trying to get over me...I figure the last thing she'd want to do is invite me to hang out with her and her family. Anyway, it started to rain at the lake so everyone packed up and got ready to go. She told me she wanted to go to the casino tonight and asked if I wanted to go. I told her I did, and asked her to call me later. Well...later is now, and I txt'd her to see if she was still going. She called me and said she did want to go (just her and I this time). I told her where to meet me, and we'd go in her new car. And now I'm getting ready to head out. Wish me luck everyone, and let me know what your .02 is on today's events so far. -hopeful

Iceman...you totally live up to your name. You cooled me down with your words. I told her, "sure we can meet up, just let me know what you're doing." She said, "okay". Even if she backs out of this one, at least she is the one trying to get us to see eachother. One of these days, she'll follow through if not this time. I do want to look my best though, and I know I don't look it right now. Time to get the good ole hair cut, and bust out the ironing board. *ugh* lmao

Ok, so the txt conversation went like so. She asked me to guess what movie she saw. I thought that maybe whatever movie she saw had some significance to justify such a question, but not wanting to get it wrong, I replied with something generic..."superman?" She said no, she saw the movie Click, the new Adam Sandler one. I thought to myself...."ooooookay". I asked how it was, she said it was okay, kinda funny, but go serious in the end." She didn't say much more than that, I guess I was kinda confused why she wanted to tell me about a movie that was just okay. I'm happy she was thinking about me, and maybe she just wanted to talk to me. That idea makes me feel good. So I asked if it was worth going to see, she said not really. She then went on to tell me how she was feeling really down all day and that's why she went to see a movie. Thinking to myself, "Ah, so thats what it was about, she had a bad day and wants to talk about it." So I asked her what was wrong, and all she said was, "I don't know, sh-- happens." So I told her, "yeah it does, and then you gotta deal with --itty pants afterwards. Sorry it happened to you today, but hopefully after some sleep you'll feel better." No response from her after that. Then I wake up, and I txt her, "Feeling any better today?" She replied with, "A little." I said, "Good, a little is better than nothing." She then asked if I had to work today, I told her yes, but I have tomorrow off, she said, "oh". And nothing more. So I asked her what she had planned for tomorrow (the 4th). She responded telling me she was going to the city (NYC). I told her to have a good time. She then responded with, "I don't know what time I'm leaving...maybe we can meet if you're not busy." omg omg, freakin out.

MAN...Just when I start getting sad, she txt's me, asking me to guess what movie she saw. She's thinking about me! YAY! I'm so retarded.

Gah...Not a word from her today. =( sad.

I like that. This IS a rain dance! =) And thank you SuperDave. Your advice is good, and I've been looking within to find the next steps to take in my life, however, even when I look within...I see her. As far as the Army goes, I didn't mean that I wanted to join the army for her...I meant that, on top of my own reasons for wanting to join the army, I do believe that it might sit well in her eyes too, and that's not such a bad thing considering I do want to get back together with her. I think the process of regaining love for myself will be a long one, but I know that at least it's already started. I've decided to start taking care of myself again, get back into shape, eat right, and take pride in myself. Even if the God(s) choose for me a dry season, I'll come out of my rain dance a better man. Thank you all for your support. It means alot to me to know that there are such great people out there such as yourselves. The world is a better place because of you all, I mean that. And I'll keep you all posted on what's going on, I have a feeling this story, in a sense, is just beginning.

Well I decided to back off and not contact her. Come this morning, I get a txt message from her, "Good morning". So I know she's thinking about me. I txt'd back telling her good morning, and showing my excitement for the world cup games today. I'll leave it at that, and let her make the next move. Someday...it will rain...and the well will have water.

This is true...my pain is self inflicted. She is not directly causing me any pain, but my desire to be with her is. But when she makes definite plans with me, and then backs out at the last minute, and turns a cold shoulder to me...it should be reasonably understandable that something like that would hurt, no? I also see my impatience, and I'm having a hard time controlling it. What do you mean by "chill" though? Sit back and do not contact her? Continue to contact her here and there just to say hello and see how's she's doing? The one thing I know I won't be able to stop, is thinking about her.

She seems to be confused. It sucks that her confusion is causing me pain, getting my hopes up 1 day, and then destroying them the next, but I'm not letting it show. I just don't know what to do at this point. Should I back off at this point? Should I keep being supportive and reaching out to her? I've been told that this is not the time for games...and I agree, I don't want to play games, but things seem to delicate at this point, that if I were to just "go with my heart" at some people would say...I think it might be too much too soon and possibly break what little we have going so far. I really don't have much choice but to accept that she doesn't have much to give me, but what should I do from here?

Well, I gave her a call today to see how the funeral went, and if she was okay. Shes said she was and that the funeral wasn't as bad as she thought. I said that I was glad it wasn't hard on her. She said thanks. I asked her what she was up to, and she said (in a tone that sounded as if she was upset) that she was going back to the office. I asked if something was wrong, cuz she sounded really unhappy. She got a bit snappy and said, "I just came from a funeral, and you expect me to be happy?" I said, "No, it just sounded like maybe something else was upsetting you. I'll let you go, and maybe I'll give you a call later. She said, "Okay, bye." This is confusing as hell. She went from warm to cold. Frustration.

Thanks Salt. I hope for my sake that you are right. I just can't help but feel like poop, because she made plans with me, got my hopes up, and then backed out real quick. I almost feel like she was just playing with me. But if in fact, she is just scared, and maybe realized she wasn't ready yet...I can be patient with her. I do hope that infinite patience will net immediate results. =P

Well, I jumped the gun and sent her a message asking her if she wanted any company at the funeral. She wrote me back telling me that she has a problem with funerals and she's still building herself up to go. I told her if she needed me that I was a phone call away. She said thanks. That's about it. I'm trying to keep my calm, but it's so hard.

One of my friends (female) thinks that my ex is just scared. That she definitely felt a rush of emotions yesterday with the obvious display of interest in seeing me and interest in my family and if I still smoke (big issue for her), and it scared her, because she doesn't want to feel dependant on me again...she doesn't want to be hurt again. Like it was too much too soon, and she put on the brakes. I know that my friend can't be 100% right, but from a females point of view, does that seem even remotely reasonable?

Here's the latest, lemme know what you all think. After much txting and calling eachother all within positivity, I asked her if she could send me the information on what the Army is offering this year. She said she would and asked for my new address. I gave it to her and a day later, she txt'd me with "What time to you go to work". I txt'd her back telling her, and a few hours later she txt'd me back with, "Can I see you on Friday to give you the army stuff?" At this point, I kinda freaked out a little, and thought to myself..."omg, she wants to see me, what to do, what to do." So I told her that I work on Friday, so it'd have to be earlier on in the day (I work 2nd shift). I asked if she would want to get some lunch. She responded in agreement and provided the place where we were to meet. And so the date was on. Later that night (last night), she all of a sudden txt'd me with, "Don't get mad at me, I'm only asking this because you are thinking about joining the army, but do you still smoke?" This totally blew me away. In my heart, I knew she wasn't asking because of the army, she wanted to know for her own reasons. I told her I haven't been smoking in a while. She responded with, "I'm so proud of you. I hope it becomes easy for you to stay away from it." I responded telling her that it's not a problem to stay away from it, and that a lot has changed since then. She responded with, "What do you mean?" I told her that maybe we could talk about it sometime when I wasn't at work. She said, "okay, sorry. How is your mom and your brother?" I told her they were good, and to say hi to her family for me, and that I missed them. She then continued to txt me, seeming to be in a very good mood. Happy even, joking around and what not. She then told me how the medication she was taking for her recently pulled wisdom teeth were making her drowsey so she was going to go to sleep. She hoped that I had a good night, and she wil talk to me later. I wrote her back telling her that I hoped she had a good night too. She msg'd me back thanking me for wishing her a good night and wished me a good night once again. I was flying high last night. The way the communication had gone last night was the biggest sign to me that not only did she still have feelings for me, but she wanted to see me as well. Then today comes around...I wait till the late afternoon before I txt her asking how the followup dentist appoitnment went. She said she just left there and was on her way home. She then sent another txt a few minutes later saying, "Hey, I can't meet tomorrow, I have to go to a funeral." I said, "well, when can you meet?" She said, "maybe the weekend, I'll let you know." Well, I took a break (at work) and called her up. I asked her if everything was okay, and she told me that they were, and I told her I was just concerned that maybe someone in her family had passed away. She told me it was for a kid who she knew from middleschool/highschool who she was aquaintences with who passed away and she saw it in the newpaper and decided she would go. She said he was very nice to her when they would see eachother in school, and he had a disease that finally caught up to him, and blah blah. Then she went on to tell me how tomorrow she might not be able to meet either, because Brasil is playing in the world cup (she is brasilian) and how she and her family were dedicating the whole day to the game, and she wasn't sure if they were going to throw a BBQ and have a block party (she lives in a brasilian part of town, kinda like a little Brasil area of a city). She then told me that prior to the game was out of the question either (all without me asking) because she had to do some "things" for her nephew's room, and had to paint and what not. Well...I told her that I was glad it wasn't anyone in her family who passed away, and that whenever it was cool with her to meet me, it was cool with me. I told her to let me know. She said okay, and I told her I had to get back to work. she said okay, and we ended the conversation. Now I'm sitting here...somewhat hurt, somewhat depressed, feeling somewhat rejected, knowing that she backed out of plans to see me, to go to a funeral for someone who she wasn't really even friends with, and came up with all kinds of reasons not to see me on saturday. I don't understand women at ALL. She gets my hopes up, shows me all kinds of good signs that she's interested, and then like...turns and walks away. Whats up with that?