grkn

So where can I learn more about these strategies?

True, it's probably the best way. Although "Do nothing" is a bit misleading, you should do lots of stuff, date, learn what it takes to make a solid relationship, work on your communication skills, in general make yourself more interesting and a better partner. And if there is possibility that you'll meet your ex, look well and happy. I'll post an update in a month hehe. thanks.

Hmm, your case seems a bit extreme? If I write it in a sharp, witty style it won't look submissive, and it will signal that I -am- over her. Because, honestly, I don't think she will -ever- answer to my ultimatum, not in some years atleast

The thing I'm "worried" about is, I've given her an ultimatum, saying that I don't want two way contact before she is ready to talk about the breakup and no longer blames me/admits her own mistakes. I said I would read it if she wrote something. If I go for option 1, I don't think she every in 33 years will contact me since the ultimatum is still standing Yes, I'll just wait and see how I feel at that time. What I'm interested in is how dumpers in a situation similar to mine would react if they got the letter after 1, 2 months.

But if.. I mean when I HAVE moved on, then I can write it. atm It wouldn't be correct Anyways, I will decide in the future when I'm over her. Why are you so sure just no contact will work better? Where are the statistics?

Ok, about the first choice, so you're saying, show what I've written in the letter with actions rather than written words. What is the risk of sending the honest letter after a couple of months? Won't it be a relief for her to hear that I've moved on, that I finally understand what she's been through and that I do not blame her?

Okay, basically, I'm wondering, does the letter seem genuine? Is there something that could get her to react badly? I will only send it when I'm 100% gotten over her It seems to me that I've got about three choiches, 1. Get on with my life and wait for her to make contact 2. Get on with my life and send the letter once I'm over her 3. Get on with my life and send a simple letter "how'ya'doing'gal" style once I get over her. All while becoming a better person, knowing a lot more about how to communicate well. And I must want to just be her friend I think. Whaddayareckonfolks?

My turn, my turn! 1. Relationship deteriorated, she didn't feel understood and was unhappy, communication failed in fights. 2. It got to the point where we got phyisical, she broke up two days after. 3. Both were heartbroken for a week, I did understand her reasons and supported her. 4. Met after a week to talk things over, found our old chemistry, met her out one night, agreed that it was best to break up, two days later got back together, I had learned why we got into the pattern of bad communication. 5. She moved 2 weeks before me, I called a lot, after 1 week she said we weren't actually together, and she got very angry with me. 6. Tried to be a friend and reignite the spark, I gave her space, we had a couple of positive meetings, but she had gotten over me. 7. She was still very angry after 4 weeks, she was cold and agreed to meet me only to step on me, I gave up, got out my frustration trough texts pissing her off, and refused contact before she didn't just blame me anymore. 8. She then called desperately many times, after three days I naively answered, she asked if I was angry, I said no, I tried to talk about the relationship, she got pissed, I hung up, tried to call back once, sendt texts explaining why I did so. She later wrote me back saying, "Why do you have such a big need to talk about the relationship? To force me is evil and selfish. If you don't want to move on and get a good tone I don't want anything to do with you. I've moved on, you have obviously not". I wrote back, I was a bit mad "remember I asked you to call first when you've realized what you yourself did wrong, and no longer just blame me. You can't blame me for talking about the relationship then. It doesn't seem like you care at all about what I've been through, and I need to talk about it because the way things are today we can never build a meaningfull friendship, just look at your relationships to xxxx that didn't want to meet you after he knew you wouldn't have sex with him, and yyyyy that you first spend the night with and later tell me you don't want to see because he's mad. I still don't want any contact with you before you realize what you did wrong, no longer blame me for everything. I can understand it's easy to get over someone when you only blame them" after that I apologized for the stuff i wrote about her exes, and that I liked her. then no contact. After a week she, her little brother and xxxxx comes to a cafe where I'm sitting, they seem to ignore me, my heart is racing, I walk right behind them to the toilet, I go back, and me and my friend walk past them and out. Not looking at them. It feels silly, but I did ask for no contact, so then I shouldn't take contact eighter. She seems fed up with me really. I guess I'll just have to wait. I have written a letter explaining everything, but should I send it after a month, or shouldn't I ever do so? We both wanted to be friends after the second breakup, and we was to some extent. This is a draft,