nicoule

Hiya everyone, I was wondering if anyone had advice on this concern of mine... My ex of over a year ( it was very complex relationship we had that broke up cos of circumstances beyond our reach) he stiil even a year after weve broke up continues to tell me how he wants naked phtots of me doing pervy things i used to do with him so he can pretend its him ( WEIRD I KNOW) and tells me he fantasises about me. I know its normal for guys to fantasise about their exs but why is he telling me he does????? i know guys who fantasise over their exs and they said its not cos they still have feelings for them but because they can visualise them better etc, but they also told me they would never tell their exs that they fantasise about them, so why does he tell me? also i asked to see him after we hadnt seen each other for a long time, (weve always kept in touch and i just wanted to catch up before i moved away )and he thought about it for ages and then said what he had told me A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE THAT, that he couldnt because he knew it would be too tough and he would be too tempted to get close with me again. even though he has a girlfriend that hes had since straight after we broke up( over a yr now) and hes been sayin these thinsg to me the whole time! what do you all make of this, is he tryin to just mess with my head or is he just perverted or what, i dont understand, has he maybe not got over me?????????? thanks for your help

Hiya everyone, I was wondering if anyone had advice on this concern of mine... My ex of over a year ( it was very complex relationship we had that broke up cos of circumstances beyond our reach) he stiil even a year after weve broke up continues to tell me how he wants naked phtots of me doing pervy things i used to do with him so he can pretend its him ( WEIRD I KNOW) and tells me he fantasises about me. I know its normal for guys to fantasise about their exs but why is he telling me he does????? i know guys who fantasise over their exs and they said its not cos they still have feelings for them but because they can visualise them better etc, but they also told me they would never tell their exs that they fantasise about them, so why does he tell me? also i asked to see him after we hadnt seen each other for a long time, (weve always kept in touch and i just wanted to catch up before i moved away )and he thought about it for ages and then said what he had told me A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE THAT, that he couldnt because he knew it would be too tough and he would be too tempted to get close with me again. even though he has a girlfriend that hes had since straight after we broke up( over a yr now) and hes been sayin these thinsg to me the whole time! what do you all make of this, is he tryin to just mess with my head or is he just perverted or what, i dont understand, has he maybe not got over me?????????? thanks for your help

hiya, wow so sweet of you to reply, you can see it was all soo confusing with him, especially as he would never give me closure. I was the one to finally say see u later but we still remained friends, it was here he started to say things like he couldnt see me again as he knew he would be too tempted ot get close with me again. so i wasnt sure if he was just wnating to see if i would get close with him again, so one time i told him i wanted to see him to mess around with him for old times sake and he still said no, even though he said he way wanted to. this confused me because if he was using me wouldnt he have then when i offered?? i asked him why he wouldnt and he said it was cos he didnt want things to get complicated again and this time us fall out for real. he started seeing this girl after i left him, though he tells me all these thinsg even though hes with her and says hes in love with her. i dont htink he can be if he says these thinsg to me. i know what we had was sumfin atleast to me and he always warned me before i got with him that he could never get close to people, i dont know , i dont know if he still says these thinsg cos he still has feelings for me or if hes just using me to fulfill his imagination. its been a long time and we still keep in touch liek we used to but he always brings up things we did in bed together in past and stuff. id ont know what do you think. thanks so much for giving your advice

Hiya, ive just come out of a relationship that was THE most complicated I have ever known, he was one of those guys who was scared and unable to say how he felt EVER! so its so hard for me to know about things concerning us. im not sure how long we were together, we were always saying we wouldnt get too close to each other as I had to move away and he could never commit to people in particular ones he cared about he said. we would always get close though, before we officaly got together i went abroad and we wrote to each other every day for over a year, when i came back we knew we both didnt want to get too involved but we did, liek we couldnt help it. Ive known of him in past relationships and he seems to always keep it reallly uncommited and then when they start t get close he goes cold and scared and eventually the relationship ends. with me he said he wanted to be with me but too scared said he could never commit and didnt want to hurt me, he said if he could get close ot nayone it would be me. It hurt so much knowing we couldnt work through it. we tried to stay friends but we always ended up gettin close( always me makin first move)but he would tell me how he wanted to etc. anyways he wouldnt touch me in then end, in the beginning he would have sex with me, touch me etc he was always alittle distant because he was scared of gettin hurt but ass time went on it got to the point where he wouldnt even have sex with me. he told me that in his last relationship with girl he loved he would only have sex with her if she was one to start it and only with her on top so it wasnt like he was doing it so he wasnt leading her on to think he could commit as he knew he couldnt. he said he couldnt unless she was the one that would stay with him forveer. He said he couldnt because he knew there were things i needed to do before i could stay with him forveer and that was true even though i would have given them up for him. I began to thik he hated me , he wouldnt sleep with me, he wouldnt call me back and then outta nowhere he would call me and when i would tell him i wa sleaving him he would get really upset and tell me how he wanted it to work with us but just nto now etc. he even stated seeing other people but he said it was just sex and he just needed someone until he could sort his head out and that he still wnated us to get back together in the end. do you think this is all exscuses liek bullcrao that guys use on girls....i would always do sexual favors for him even htough he wouldnt sleep with me...he never said he wouldnt and we never really talked about how he didnt , do yo think he was just using me for that? hes with a girl now, i asked to see him so i could get some things back but he said i couldnt come over as he knows he would find it too hard to not wnat to come onto me or sleep with me even though he found it hard to before. does that mean he still has feelings for me??? i dont know aybe he did love me, when he would hold me or when he would tell me how much he cared about me i could just feel the love he had for me but now i just dont know if he did..what do you think? was he jst using me? its been a long time and we still keep in good touch but i dont wnat to be in otuc with him if he was just using me. he teels me know how he would love to get close ot me again sexually and how he thinks of me all the time like fantasises. do you think hes just using me again hoping ill do it or what, i live to far away now but maybe hes just still using me to fullfill his imagination??? do you think he loevd me and couldnt se eme again co sit would be too hard and he would find it too hard to not get close iwth me again or do you think he was just using me and didnt want to see me again and now just keepin in touch with me so he can talk about pervy things we used to do etc to amuse himself???? pls help me understand cos i dont. ps he has a girlfriend now and still wanted to get close with me again