dizzylizzy

He was doing it a lot like in the beginning until one day after a couple of drinks I just broke down and told him how it made me feel. But it seems to be happeining again. And for the most part I steer clear of shooting pool etc. because I don't want to deal with the upset it causes me. He was married for 25 years, cheated once with a Penthouse Pet, he was sure to point that out to me. He has said that his ex thought that he was a flirt. He said that he use to be a real ogler of other women but that he is a changed man. He has a pretty flexible job, so long as the work gets done they are happy. Corporate office is in Conneticuit so he doesn't get up until 8:00, checks his email takes his shower when ever he wants. He can leave in the middle of the day and pretty much nobody at his work knows. He travels on average one week out of the month and when he calls he makes a point of telling me how many expenesive dinners he had and that the stayed at $300 a night resort. One trip he schedule for a weekend, leaving early to golf and asked me if I was jealous. It is important to him to be the center of attention. Every where we go everyone must know he is there either by his comments or his dancing around. That is why he drives a sports car so everybody will notice him. My family counselor thinks he is narcissistic. It's all about them and what makes them feel good. They are very generous but they are doing it to do something nice they are doing it so they can say look at me and what I did.

I sure seem to struggle with these feelings of jealousy or lack of trust and I don't know if it is just me or if I have reason to be jealous. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. When we first moved in together I found pictures of his exwife in every drawer of his office, still in their frames (he works out of our home so we both use his office drawers, closet etc. I have pictures of my ex that are packed away and kept in the garage, which I will pass on to my boys when they are old enough to be responsible to keep them and not lose them. When we first got together all I ever heard about was all the girls he knew at the local coffee hang out and how they all knew him by name and he pointed out that one of them was young with a boob job and had wanted to date him. I am 45 he is 49. Then when we move into together every day when I would return from work I would hear about how well he gets along with our aparmtent manager and how she is going to grant him this favor and that favor (her and I don't get along). Then he proceeds to tell me how this other woman in the complex is hitting on him. All the while this is going on he continues to tell me that everybody asks him if he got a hottie and he tells them no because that's not what he is interested in (that made me feel real good) For the most part this has slacked off because I told him that I had heard enough of it. Last night we are walking through the complex and this tall blond walks up to him without any hesitation and follows-up on a previous conversation they had had together. Throughout there exchange he doesn't acknowledge me or introduce me. When we walk away he says do you know her I said "no", he said niether do I. She spoke directly to him. Right now he is overloaded with work (worked until 9:00 last night) yet in the biginning of the week when we were walking we saw our new apartment manager and he offers to help her out with a parking layout to eliminate our parking difficulties. If he is working until 9 at night why is he offering to do what is her job to do in the first place. Is all of this just silly on my part. It's funny though because when I told him that the neighbor upstairs had introduced himself to me I was questioned as to when did I see him and what was I doing just hanging out in front of the apartment. It frustrates me. I feel like he needs the attention and admiration of every woman he comes in contact with. He has to tell me that his hairdresser is attracted to gray hair and finds it sexy because he has gray hair (doesn't need to convince me because I have told him on numberous occasions that I like his gray hair). He drives a sports car so he has to tell me about all the women who tell him he has a cool toy. I get flirted with etc but never feel the need to share this with him. What would be the point of that. I feel he does it because of his own insecurities in himself and I try to understand it but somtimes it just builds up and I get frustrated and don't want to go anywhere with him. If we are in a restaurant often times I quit talking because he is so engrossed in the conversation that is going on around us that he isn't listening to what I am saying. He even interjects himself into the conversations going on at other tables. If we go to shoot pool I often feel like I am playing by myself because his interest is more in what is going on around us. I am open to any and everybody's thoughts. It just feels good to have finally found a place where I can vent. Thank you.

For the most part his kids would rather not spend any time with me, especially alone. Most of his time with his son is alone and his daughter has expressed that she would like him to come down and hang out with her at the house where she lives with his ex. This I am not comfortable. On occasion I have special alone time with my kids but because kids are comfortable in our home we do alot of things together. Our dinners and time together with my kids is very natural and comfortable on all sides but when it comes to togetherness with his kids there is this strain on all of us. Until we got together he supported everybody, son, daughter-in-law, grandaughter, daughter including ex (all lived under one roof in separate rooms), he paid for everything cars, insurance, housing, vacations, etc etc. Everybody got lavish gifts, Corvette at 16, Mustang at 16 etc etc and it seems that now that he isn't supporting everyone they aren't happy. Makes me a little bitter towards them because he has given and loved them so much and sometimes it seems like it is all about what he lavish on them rather than the love they should have for their father. And it isn't like he has taken everything away either. He still pays his daughter car payment and insurance, recently paid off a $15K debt of his sons, paying for his daughters college, contributing towards her medical. And they all are over 18. His son had a job as a manager, his daughter has jobs sporatically (she has a hard time committing to much of anything).

I never try to be their mother as I know no one can replace my kids father. I extend invites for every holiday etc but no invites are ever extended to "us." The few times his son has come over he has a hard time looking me in the eye and his wife completely ignores the both of us and just sits there staring into sapce. If we ask if we can come over to visit or to visit the grandaughter his son dances around the question and won't commit to anything and when he does it is always at a time that his wife isn't going to be around. My boyfriend works out of our home and they only call on either his office phone or cell phone, never the home phone and all their phone conversations take place during the hours of 8 - 5 when I am at work. Disappointing for me because I feel I have extended myself for two years. For the most part he is supportive of me but it is something that I have had to fight for, to be first in his life. He recently lied to me about going to his sons when he was suppose to be working because he knows to have a relationship with his son for the most part it will not include me and he didn't want to hurt me. Lying was worse because we also have trust issues. As for his ex I never speak of her in front of the kids and I stayed out of there dealings until a year had passed and neither one of them had done anything to move the divorce along so on the advice of my family conselor I placed a call to his ex. My counselor said that this is my life too and I have a right to know what is going on and who is really dragging or stalling things.

This is my first time every posting to anything but wanted to say how nice it was to stumble upon this site. I have been divorced for 12 years and entered into my first serious relationship about two years ago (I focused on raising my two boys). I thought things would be easier entering into a serious relationship with my kids being older and hooking up with someone who's kids were also older, mine are 17 and 19, his are 19 and 21. My youngest lives with us, his daughter lives with her mother and his son is married and has a daughter of his own. Things aren't any easier when the kids are older. My kids have adjusted pretty good but his kids aren't very accepting of me, which I understand that it is difficult for them because their parents were still married when we got together (no I was not the other woman) but they had been separated for 2 years but had had a 25 year marriage. I love him deeply but all the way around it has been one of the most stressful relationships I have ever been in. Dealing with his divorce, property settlements, his belongings still being at the ex's (was his former home) and belongings at the ex in-laws. I could write a book on the events that have transpired over the past 24 months. Wish I had known earlier about this site as it would have been a wonderful venting ground for me. I'm open to any advice on how to work through blending two families.