PAL06

I agree to some extent with that, but the conserquences you have given weren't the case ... we were very comfortable together.. I didn't say that the other reason was down to an imbalance in our lives where she is Miss Independent and feels the need to be out every night, whereas I'm quite happy stopping in more often.... as I said in our case it was just down to being in different palces i our lives and ok proabably a fault on my part I came accross as much to keen... that she may have found uncomfortable..... As she obviously just thought that 'Mr Perfect' does exist and was happy to spend more time looking.... she may find him.... but I'd be very surprised if the grass is greener as I know how good we were together... ... it's down to very romantic expectations some people have in my opinion in todays modern society (this doesn't only apply to relationships) or whether they are ready to settle for something that is very very good, but may be not the perfect expectation they have.

I think I've been in a similar situation to you where I never really could work out why my ex dumped me twice.... the reason she gave was because I came accross as a nervous bundle... I've given up trying to think of reasons why and accepted it.... I just put it down to the fact that she is very immature when it came to relationships and although she is 30 she still has a very romantic view of a 'perfect' relationship.... there was no element of trying to see passed these faults I may have.... I think deep down I don't think she was ready to settle down, where as I was.... I know that the split really had nothing to do with me but her.... and her romantic view of love which will leave her disappointed... it definetly sounds like the reason has nowt to do with you whatsoever.....

I have just broken up with my ex for the second time. We got back together after almost a year, having had contact on and off during that period. We started seeing each other again more as friends, going walking, cycling etc. eventually it became evident that I still wanted more from her, so we decided it was for the best to not see each other again. We text each other a lot that night as it was obvious we were both hurting badly. The next morning she text to say she needed to see me. She came around that evening and said that she'd been in the shower and the thought of not seeing me had sent her into shock. We decided to give it another go..... she has now dumped me again after just one month... although we never argued or there was nothing like jealousy or lack of trust.... it appears the reason for the second break up were the same... there was just something missing for her.... she just thought that we were at different places in our lives... I'm 37 and ready to settle down with the right girl.... she is 30 and very very independent with a very busy social life....she claims that it was the lack of confidence I showed that she did not find attractive... although my belief is that there must have been some physical attraction otherwise the physical and intimate nature of the relationship wouldn't have been how it was..... Stupidly we have chatted twice on MSN this week and have been very comfortable doing so.... but the imbalance as to our views of what a relationship should feel like.... we both admit the intimacy and sexual relationship were great and had similar interests and loved doing them together... but she didn't have the spark... have led to this split again..... My opinion is though that any sign of things getting serious she starts having doubts and runs (at 30 she has not had a relationship of more than 3 months)... or maybe even at 30 she does believe Mr Perfect exists..... I know at 37 I should be more confident with girls (its not something I generally have a problem with in other parts of my life) but I was badly hurt in the past when I found a longterm girlfriend in bed with someone else..... She has dented this further. Any tips to help me overcome this?

As of today I know I've got to move on.... just after some reassurance... I've just been dumped (for the second time by the same girl - I know should never have gone back!). The lass in question has said "In some ways, at one level, it has felt right, such as how we get on so well how we have similar interests, how we can read each other (mostly), how comfortable and relaxed it can feel between us, how nice things were physically between us, how tender the relationship could feel." But then went on to say "But there has to be a phwoar factor to keep a spark alight ( I know you hate the 'spark' being mentioned also!), but there just wasn't one for me. It's not necessarily about your physical appearance, but about your body language. It's as though you are a nervous bundle at times, and you don't carry yourself in a way that omits a confidence that I find attractive." Is it just me that believes that the first quote, especially the last two bits are in essense brought about because there is a physical attraction between two people? Is this rather shallow? or is the body language you give off that important?

I'm just after advice/views really. I went out with a girl who I really fell for, but we only lasted 3 months. The relationship ended because she said she did not have the 'spark'. I found this very hard as I thought everything was really good, she even admitted that we got on like a house on fire and when together she felt good, and intimately she had never been with anyone who made her feel more comfortable. Anyway, 4 months later we are still in contact but only through texting/emailing, but she has stated to me that she likes our chit chats, but sees them as nothing more than that. I feel I need to let go now, but finding it really hard. What I find confusing is the fact that she wants to stay in contact and silly things like her texting me just because she drove passed me I find confusing. Why is she finding it hard to let go too? Should I just walk away right now? More generally I would like to know how much importance people put on the 'spark'? Is being in a relationship where absolutely everything seems to be good, even the intimacy, sex etc. when you are together, a sign that things have just become comfortable? does this 'spark' always happen when you do think you have meet Mr or Miss Right?