margiemay007

Hey swordfish A picnic is a great idea! Very romantic, but also a nice way to sit, relax and chat over food. I don't see it as being forward, you've known each other for 4 months, probably shared coffee, so a picnic seems like a natural progression Ways you could subtly let her know you like her... I'd get her talking about herself, her achievements, what she enjoys doing etc and then pick up on something you admire and casually say "I really like that about you" or you could make light of the picnic by saying "I wasn't sure if this was a good idea, I didn't want you to think I was being forward, I just thought it would be fun" hopefully she'll say she loved the idea!

Thanks Maggie18 Yes my dream would be that he'd get it "sorted" and commite to being with me alone... however you're right in asking how would I ever know if he was. I'm not even sure what I love about him anymore, it seems like we're just going through the motions, biding time until one of us gets tough enough to say no more. Is he fun to be with... yes, do I love the thought of a life with him... yes Can I trust him... no, does he respect me... no, could he change... what's in it for him? I[m not even sure where we'd start to repair the damage. I live in a small town, there aren't that many "good catches" around here. How do you move from wanting to be with someone, focusing your life around them, your hopes and your dreams... to being happy with your own company, being on your own and giving up that dream?

I've been seeing a guy for 2.5 years... at first it was wonderful then his ex (who moved out of town becuase he wouldn't commit) made contacted me saying they were still very much in love and that he was cheating on me. He admitted to still being on contact with her but said he was trying to keep part of his wife with him (she died of cancer and the ex was her nurse/friend - their relationship started while he was grieving the ex was having relationship problems with her husband). Anyway for the frst 6 months this was happening and then I found it too hard to deal with and began smoking pot on a regular basis to ease my hurt. I continued to see him, he hated me smoking pot and used this an an excuse to make contact with the ex, rekindle phone sex with her etc. .. and so it goes on, around in circles. Anyway I chose to continue smoking pot, lying to him because I believed he was still getting it on with the ex over the phone. The ex believes they were "meant to be" and hasn't had any other relationship since she moved out of town, holding out for him. This had gone on for over a year, last year he flew to tell her it was over and then joined me for a holiday. I fell pregnant, she called me to say they had sex when he visited her to tell her it was over... he told me he in fact didn't want to be committed to me and wasn't sure anout the baby - so I didn't go through with the pregnancy. Months later he was back in contact saying he'd made a terrible mistake and he wanted to be with me, make it work etc. I rang the ex to ask if they'd been in contact and she confirmed he was considering moving to her town. He doesn't want to give up wither of us and wants to keep his options open. Since I decided to take him back he's stayed here, I've continued to lie about pot and just recently I've discovered again they're back in contact and he's been telling her we're not seeing each other, even though he spends most nights at my place. She believed him. I really wanted him to CHOOSE me, and to let her go. She obviosuly offers her stuff I don't, he says he loves talking with her and for a long time tried to convince me they were "just friends". I've told him contact with her makes me anxious and have asked him to stop but he just doesn't seem to want to... meanwhile he talks about a future with me, rings, marriage etc. I'm so confused, I keep getting sucked in. If she's available to have phone sex with him and isn't interested in moving on, if he doesn't want to commit to me because I'm smoking pot, what should a girl do? There's absolutely no trust from either of us, yet we still love each other and want to "get it right". I think him being caught lying to the ex again has made her realise he's been playing with her because she's kept herself avaialble for him. He now says he understands contact with her is inappropriate... but how will I ever be able to trust him that it's actually stopped? Also he says I have to stop pot if I want to be with him.