Cherokeelion

Thank you Ocrob...if it seems like I am being hard on myself here, thats because this is the space I use to sort things out. I tend to be self- critical before anything else. I truly do not know what the honest chances are of working things out and you make some valid points as to whether I should want to or not. I'm just doing what I can to stay busy and heal things here. I do not call or write to her even though sometimes I have to physically restrain myself from doing so. I want to pick up the phone and see how our daughter is doing, but I am also trying to give her the space and time she has asked for to figure things out.... and that, Ocrob... is hard to do.

She called again this morning saying that she missed me and that our daughter loved the present I sent to her. Last Christmas was a bad one for Us and she said shes happy now. My question is, why does she turn around and say that she misses me and that I'm always on her mind? I know she feels obligated to this other man but still, can anyone here tell me what to make of this? She also said shes calling again tonight and I made it known that being apart as family feels wrong to me. Is she juggling emotions as I suspect or am I reading this like I want to... not how it may be? On a happier note... I had forgotten how GOOD Eggnog is...

He may be starting to realise what he once had in a relationship with you. That does happen.

My ex called tonight... she was missing me and said it felt strange to be gone. My first reaction was to say " Come Home " but I held back. I told her that I missed her, and she said I can't make someone want to be with me... I said of course not but I can heal myself and fix the things that went wrong from my side... the rest is up to her. She was quiet after that. It was one of those moments where nothing was being said, but you could feel a lot through the silence. This is tough.... she understood what I am trying to do. I've said this before, it's easier to bury a relationship that you know is dead and gone than it is to fight for something that you aren't sure theres a chance of saving and the other person is acting less than final. Especially when it's been long term and children are involved.

How does one move on when they see such confusion? When she called today she, she knows how I feel and I noticed she kept asking me about stuff " back home at the house". This is the same person who tells me she feels I need some time alone to really put the past in perspective and feel whats missing. As long as I see stuff like this, I want to believe that the door to saving our family isn't completely shut despite the fact shes living with another man 2400 miles away. She got scared and didn't move her things out of the house, because she still loves me enough to not want to see me dissappear. I want this family to heal from the hurt... it's most I've ever wanted from anything in my life.

Yep... my ex was mad and called me about the flights. We just talked, shes not sure she wants to be there, but in my mind thats definitely not the same as saying she wants to be here. She does and doesn't, I think. Time will tell... which sucks. I can only pray for change, not something I'm used to doing... this leaving things up to fate.

Love means accepting your partner for who they are, and realising that they accept you as well. True, connected love brings a peacefulness and sense of well-being to those involved. Infatuation might have more initially intense feelings but also much more stress too.

I don't want my little girl to get lost in all this either. Shes only 21 months but she cried at the airport when I let her go. I think she remembered the last time she left and knew it meant she wouldn't see me for a while somehow. It sure felt like that to me.

Well... my ex met her new man on myspace, so I'm a bit biased towards that. By the same token, my ex hated the friends I had in Tmobile phone chat... didn't matter that they were just friends. I guess what I'm saying is the online life is fun but you need to be careful and make sure your partner doesn't feel threatened or second place to any of that.

I am afraid my ex's call to me for her getting her home might have been either A, her temporarily being mad about something where she is now or B, possibly something she knew would hurt me if I got my hopes up about her coming home and nothing happened. Is she angry with me... yep. Its been 2 days since that call... I told her I would look for flights and that she needed to call to get the info. Frustrating to say the least, I can hold the tickets till tomorrow but if I don't hear from her tonight that will tell me a lot. You think if a person isn't confused about coming home they would be responding. My heart is slowly shredding and its hard to do no contact when youre asked for help by someone you love so much. On top of that now I have to worry about whether or not things are ok with her and my daughter... she doesn't know this other guy very well. Am I stressin too much or is it normal for me to stress like this?

Oh man... I know your feeling. My ex is coming back home next weekend. I'm on pins and needles dude.

I am blown away by this...

Ok now THAT was interesting. I said goodbye to my ex as she flew to Milwaukee to be with this other man. She just called and asked me to book her a flight home Christmas Day. I was staggered by this unexpected developement. She said she didn't want to be there anymore, but I also got the distinct impression shes still angry with me. I'm not complaining... I booked a flight immediately. I will say that I am not counting on anything until shes actually on that plane back home Christmas day.... theres too many days for her to cancel it yet. Strange things happening here.

Does it really matter? lol. Hey, its love, enjoy it.

My partner and I met online... with me being not at all interested in a relationship after a messy divorce. She kinda snuck under my radar and captivated me before I really knew what was going on. I pledged my love to her with flowers and myself on her doorstep in a Tux after realising no one else colored my life as she has done. Believe me, if you truly love someone you will know and want them to know too. This was several months after we met online.

I agree with DN on this. Anyone who has read his posts know he's intelligent and insightful. Besides we are all here looking for advice and also trying to be helpful. It's never a good idea to be rude to someone trying to help in their way.

Ahem... er, this is a strange one to respond to but I'll try. You are exploring new ways of sexual enjoyment... no doubt about that. Can you tell a new partner down the road that you've never had sex? If you feel that you're a virgin until having sex with a man.. then you're ok for now. But how is finger banging different than say... using a dildo other than using someone elses finger? You can definitely break a hymen that way... which is the traditional " Virgin " mark. So I guess it comes down to how you feel about that. What if you were a lesbian? What does a lesbian decide makes her not a virgin anymore? I could go round and round here... But, for me, being traditional a virgin is such until they have intercourse with a man. Call me wise or foolish, just my opinion.

Well... do you really want to be with someone on drugs and who needs at least some schooling beyond what they currently have? Not being mean here... just the fact that youre 17 and have a full life in front of you. That baby is the important thing now, not him and his druggin ways. At least, thats my opinion.

Testing a person can be cruel in ways unknown to the tester. For example, what if the person being tested doesnt pass a pre determined " answer " through no fault of their own? Sometimes people react in ways that are unexpected but not necessarily wrong.

Lactose Intolerance has every one of your symptoms. You might also want to check your tolerance for eggs... in some people an intolerance for eggs can turn into a much more severe reaction down the road with multiple exposures.

Thanks for the input... as for the Holidays, I will be alone this year. I have our house in California and she is in Wisconsin with him. She came home before Thanksgiving after spending a short period of time there with him. How can you know someone well after being with them for a month? Anyways... she came home with him on her mind and spending time on the phone nightly with him. To make matters worse there was still strong sexual attraction between us two. We ended up making love multiple times during her time here. She confessed to being sexually frustrated around me because she was supposedly with this other man. Each time was hell for me too... because I wanted to respect boundaries but am irresistably attracted to her. That was part of the reason she went back... to be right to the one she was with and to give herself the time to really see things clearly, without me and our home intruding.

This is day three of NC, she called the first day I got home to see if the answering machine was set up again. I didn't pick up the phone and I'm thinking she was startled by my greeting on the machine, which included both of our names. She didn't leave a message but I know she got the security of knowing she can reach me if needed. We made love the day she left and both of Us know we fit very well in that way. It is tough to sleep in a bed so recently occupied by the one I love, knowing she is freezing her California butt off in Wisconsin, trying to honor another man who loves her but feeling what she does for me too. I don't know how effective No Contact will be, especially since I miss our little girl too. My ex told me this is the last time she will do this... she can't afford to keep jumping, emotionally and financially. I cannot do anything except maintain our home and hope for the best. I truly believe love and family are worth at least a fighting chance to save. Confused and tangled hearts here for sure.

Ok, I will do that. In the meantime good luck with the writing.

There is a power in good writing to express feelings much as what I see in this picture... you have the same talent in what you write.

Its called "After the Tears. New Hope" by Dorothy Sullivan. The children are the hope of any Nation... against the backdrop of the Trail of Tears.

Hang on... I'm going to get the description off the picture for you.