afterglow

Man today I feel really crappy. He's like hundreds or thousands of miles away for the next two weeks and all I'm thinking about how to proceed once he comes back. I'm giving the 8 week of NC a long hard thought and I think I'll do it. I hope it works. My trip to the Carribbean is now booked ironically on the weekend he gets back. I'm trying my best to move on and I think I'm doing ok. However, today feels like a set-back. I have this knot in my stomach. I can't bear the thought of losing him. I really hope these 2 weeks away it has given him a chance to reflect and re-consider the relationship. The only thing now is that he is due to hear from the grad school any week from now until March. If he gets in, I don't think he'll want a long distance rel. and if he doesn't then he'll probably reapply for next year which means another year of limbo for him. I wish that he could make me a part of the picture. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm whining. I'm beginning to feel that this is a hopeless case. But I still have so much hope for us. Grad school or not, I really hope the space and time allows him to see what I see. Today has been a really derpressing day for me and this site has been my only comfort. I'm tired of talking off my friends' ears which by the way are awesome. Sigh. Thanks for reading.

wow everyone thanks! Ocrob, thanks for the compliment and yeah he's a great guy. BKJSUN, everything you said makes sense. BEEC thanks for those book reccomendations, I think I will look into it. Tomorrow I'm going to this new years eve party, honestly I'm stressed about because I don't think I'll have fun but of course I'll go. My tix are not def booked for my vaca and I'm trying really hard to get excited. The emotional healing process is long I know but I'm moving on because my actions show I'm trying really hard. I really hope you all are right and that the NC makes him realize that there's only one me and him and how we used to be. I pray to God he comes back and I also pray to God he gets into the grad school he's been wanting to now for months. He should hear very soon. I think he'll be happier with his life with that direction. His job is great but he doesn't feel stimualted. When we were on the a few days ago before he left, he kept complaining how much he's unstimulated. He even said if his bonus wasn't good enough he'd quit and figure things out from there (he doesn't have to worry about financials really because he still lives with his parents and his bonus will be in the twenties probably) I think what I really learned from this relationship is that MOST men can't not think of moving into a serious long-term relationship until they are established in thier careers (especially if they are in finance). I know I can't force anything out of him. I still wish there was some strategy lol. I wish even for some sort of an NC strategy. For example, call at this time then do nothing, then do this that etc etc, timelines all detailed. God I'm crazy I know. But how many people are willing to let go of something so easily they know can be so right otherwise? I guess for the next two weeks it will be easy, he's out of the country. After that it will be so hard again. My biggest fear is that he'll forget. I dunno, I'm sorry for being repetitive but I guess if it's called manipulation, then yeah I do want to engage in actions that would speed up the process for him to come to the conclusion that we are the best fit. I promise I'm not psyho hahaa.... Just trying to keep some faith because it's so worth it.

I just need to know how. I know what most people will say and that is there is no strategy. If he wants to leave let him go, if it's meant to be he'll come back. My guy and I broke up recently. In a nutshell, he is confused about what he wants in life, he might get accepted to a grad school accross the country, thinking about working overseas, and I think the bottomline is he doesn't want to feel tied down at the moment. When we were 8 months into the relationship, he freaked out because it's been "so long" and he's afraid of committment because he's not ready for it. Needless to say after a week of NC we started to date again, and now it's been 1.5 yr. I'll admit that he's been the lazy one to visit me but once we are together we have so much fun. I know he's only 26 but that's not exactly too young either. He told me that he doesn't want to waste my time because he's not sure of what he wants and he knows it won't be ok for me to string me along for say the next 5 years as an example. Back in Sept. I remember telling him in one conversation that sometimes I feel like he should date different girls to know what it's like to be with other personalities (he's been with a lot of women, but I'm the first relationship). His answer to that was, no, he did not want to do date other girls because, he went and listed all my qualities and said that is a rare combination to find and also said what if when he's 30 and he regrets it thinking damn he should have been with me. We get along great. We have fun. We spent 2 weeks together on a international trip that he booked right after we got back together after the 8 month mini-breakup which was a part of my b-day present. We never fought once on the trip and were together all the time and had a blast. All his friends love me. I fit in very well into his lifestyle. We are very attracted to each other. The problem now it seems is he wants to get out into the world without any attachment. I honestly know feel that no future girlfriend will compare to me. I understand he needs his freedom. After numerous conversations, he told me that he just needed some time and that we should not speak for two weeks until xmas. I agreed at first but I called him the next day and said that we should not put a time limit and that I just don't want to talk to him now. We will eventually talk but I don't know when - basically that was me breaking up with him. He called me the next day because he missed me and I gave him the speech again that we shouldn't talk now and ended the conversation. I got weak called him 4 days later, we planned to try to meet up on the weekend. I called him to confirm on the day and I heard the usual excuses why he can't and I was getting so frustrated and then he said over the phone he doesn't want a relationship right now, doens't want to waste my time etc etc. I cried, tried to convince him otherwise, in the end we decided we should at least do this in person. Our break up was in person that same night, very civil, and I did not have sex, beg, plead, cry, or try to convince. Put it this way, if you were wittnessing it, you would have cried at our bittersweet parting. It's been a couple of weeks, and he called me 3 days later because he wanted to give me the status on the pending grad school application. I expected the call so trust me I'm not taking this phone call as an indication that he wants me back. I called him a week later to wish him a safe 2 week trip (he's going away with family to visit family in a different continent). Our conversation lasted a half hour and I succeeded to end the call in my 2nd attempt. It was a great convo. as we caught up with what's happening, and he was curious about my new year's plans, I told him about my vacation planning to the Caribbean with a friend and he immediately wanted to know who. When I spoke to him I was very happy and without trying at all I sounded like I was doing well and also without trying I asked him the right questions that show that I know him pretty well. NO I miss you's or anything. And now he's gone for 2 weeks. Based on what I wrote I KNOW there must be a way to win his heart so he decideds that I am the one he wants to be with and plan the future with no matter what the distance may be. I love him so much. Completely unselfishly because although I want him back so much, what I truly want for him is to find someone that makes him feel the way I feel about him - I want that person to be me, because we are so great together. In the end if its not me then I want both of us to be compeletely happy. With that said, I am sure there must be some sort of strategic way to win his heart. I embarrasingly admit that I did searches online and found you can actually buy books on strategies to win back your ex. I'm not going to buy them because I'd rather talk to the honest people on this forum not trying to make a buck. I understand the NC concept and that you are supposed to accept its over and move on. I am doing my best to move and I have my bad days, I get depressed, but overall I am ok. So my point is I will sure as hell do my best to move on AND I want to keep some hope for our relationship. So in addition to putting my energies to moving on, I also want to make it a part of my plan to do the right things to win him back. I'm not saying I'll wait around and be an old single lady with 10 cats, but I will try my best to win him back as well as make sure I'm not keeping myself from meeting new people. I think that sounds logical. If anyone has any thoughts, advice, "strategies" to implement my plan, I'd be really grateful.. And by the way this site is wonderful. Everyone is so supportive and lovely.

Thanks.... I just hope he doesn't feel that I'm being cold-hearted .. He leaves on the 29th to mid January. I was thinking about calling on the 28th...If I don't call and I don't hear from him it will be 5 weeks when he gets back. He really wanted to speak again on xmas. I was thinking that by me calling him the 28th right before he leaves will remind him of my voice and I will sound friendly and cool and quick, that way he can think about the whole thing while he's away. I know I'm looking way too into this right now. I feel really miserable. I really thought things were going better/well and he feels like a year and a half is such a long time that if he doesn't make his decision about taking it to the next step he's wasting my time. I guess he's right. But I just don't understand what his fear is. I never pressured him about a single thing. Not putting a time line on when we should speak again is probably a good thing. I left it open saying along the lines that I don't know when we'll speak, just not now, I didn't say that I'll call or wait for him to call. So now I'm confused if I should call him after some time to see if he's made his decision.

I'm 25 my guy is 26. We've been together for a year and a half. He's never been in long term relationship. He feels that he needs to decide now whether he wants to continue this. He says he's not sure if he's wasting my time because he's not sure of what he wants. He's never been sure of what he wants and I was ok to go with the flow and still am however he feels at this point things should be more serious in terms of seeing each other more often. I know for a fact that I am more into this relationship than he is. Anyway, after multiple discussions we thought we should not speak to each other until xmas and see what he is feeling then. The next day I told him I decided that we should not be talking right now while he's having these thoughts and that he knows how I feel and he should take this time to figure out what he wants. There should be no time limit or deadline so we should not speak for an indefinate amount of time and he's free to do whatever. Needless to say he was miserable or at least sounded miserable and didn't want to do that. I'm not sure if I did the right thing but this no contact till who knows when thing. He knows I love him, he's not sure what he feels. And I just think that it's not fair for me to be in this gray area and he needs to make this decision on his own. I wonder how this no contact thing will affect him. I may have instilled some fear in him that me may lose me which may help make his decsion faster. I love him so much. But I guess it has to be this way. He's leaving for two week overseas to visit his family and I was thinking about calling him the day before to wish him a safe trip, but nothing about his pending decsion. I'm not sure if I should do that. I don't want him to think I am coldhearted and never want to hear from him again. Our relationships had bumps in it but we get along well and I remember when we were 8 mos into the relationship he freaked out as well and after a week of no contact he came back and I feel the same thing is happening now but this time it seems more serious. I never felt so horrible. I can't eat and I feel absolutely miserable.