butterflygirl716

He wasn't afraid of hugs and kisses. he was afraid of going further with it. No twp months isn't long, but we spent a great deal of time together and opened up alot. I do believe people esp men get scared when their freedom is at risk. I did nothing. He scared himself

Sorry for the delay in responding on here...but the holidays brought more stress than I would like to discuss, but things are okay now. Anyway, firstly, I was all around in a bad place last week. My job, family, and career were being challenged and I was extremely lonely. As of now, I wrote my ex an email and sent it last week. It was very positive -- good times, what i liked about him, and how i wanted to start out slow and understand things better. I truly believe it is because he is scared of me. I think he doesn't know how to comprehend or love someone...Honestly, because the first time around he left right when things were great...i think he started to feel something, and realized his life would have to change a bit and freaked out So, he may reply or not, but I've said what I need to because he never let me explain my point of view. He never treated me badly until last week, and I blame his insecurities and fear of intimacy on that. Or he may be a jerk, but something in me still has faith that he is a good man. I am no longer blaming myself, and I don't blame him. I'm not angry. Just tired. Wishing I could understand and help to explain to him that I could work with him...But in the same sense, he should be so lucky to have known me, and well, to have me as a possible mate. I mean we really good together, and I wonder if he is like this with all the girls, or if I really hit a nerve. Relationship coach: Have you ever encountered men like this? ie friends, brothers, or heard of men who are terrified of intimacy. Do you think he will come back ever?

Also I forgave him because I am a bigger person, and two...bodily cravings...he kissed me and I gave in. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger, but I thought he was real in his statements. I just kissed him. I guess I am so angry because I am not enough. For some reason, he doesn't want me and prob won't ever make the effort, and that hurts like hell. I don't care what he is doing. I just want it to be like before. And realizing this impossibility, that he prob never cared and from what you said, I was just a nice piece of * * *...well that hurts the most...because no matter what, Why do i still feel like i am the one to blame? I was unavailable for 4 months...And then when someone says I am sorry, i still care abotu lets have lunch and talk, your still suppose to be unavailable? I guess I'll be alone in 2006, because I am not much good at understanding love or people. I am what I am.

I'm sorry I seemed agitated. Yes, I do care alot about my ex. I did date him for two months, and those were two of the best months I have had. I just felt like everyone was blaming me...like you should have known that his apology meant nothing, should have known he would do this... As for availibility, he comes to where I work, I am there. And I called when I said I would. And that was that. I wasn't the one making plans or saying we should talk. Yes, I agree he should make an effort, I just want to know why I am not enough. Its not alchohol talking, I didn't mention love, because if I don't mention it, it isn't real in some sense. But if I didnt care I wouldn't have forgiven him and or be writing on here. I wasn't directing my statements quite at you relationship coach...

I'm sorry everyone. I am angry and upset and I have few drinks in me. I don't want to be unavailable to him. I wanted to be with him. I fear I don't have the strength to be unavailable for another four months. Why do I have to feel bad about follwoing my heart? Look, i get it, he doesn't want me or love me or anything. And that hurts like hell right now, esp when I let him in again. Now, I am sorry I am not perfect and couldn't shoot him down or yell at him,but I just thought God had my back on this one.... just needing some sort of comfort....its not fair. do you think he will ever come around again or should i just write him off/

Is that how you play everything? constantly lie what you want and feel. I'm sorry I kissed. I'm sorry I love him. It's all my fault, what for being christian, for forgiving, for possibly thinkign someone * * * *ed up and was sorry for what they did. Be unavailable...i see...while my heart continues to break. I give up. I dont know how to be me anymore. God, is everyone else ou tther so strong? Because when i read this stuff it feels like everyone else is self righteous and would never do what the person did. If you love someone, you would pull back if they kissed you and everything in your body said yes. I'm sorry i did, if that means I messed up, but i thought he loved me, and was making amends...now i have to feel like the fool? Its all my fault? Fault for loving some * * * hole? for letting him kiss me? Is that the way your worlds work? cuz i am very very very confused?

Look I am well educated, head on straight, very attractive, great family, well off, and smart assish...I am independent and have morals...I am the marrying girl...not the fling one...just to set that straight AND I DIDNT HAVE SEX WITH HIM

one more question for relationship coach tho Why isnt he afraid to lose me? Yes, I let him back...but that doesnt mean I wont move on in the process of him trying to figure out things

So i suppose i will just maybe send him a closure letter and move on

i think i am the girl to marry...because he knows i wont have sex with him without everything else... So as for quickie...he knew a long time ago it wasn't happening...not my problem he got a hard on Not that I am relying on him for my whole existence...jsut trying to figure it out for myself...I do care about him...and he wasn't like this at all while dating

One I didn't just let him my life. He apologized, and I said we would talk about things. I couldn't just yell at him at work. Besides, I he only said he needed space...he didn't flake out while dating. I don't think so on the sex thing at work. Yes him being horny, but he didnt imply any of that until after we kissed and he was walking out

right...but the thing is he knew i wasnt going home with him..I had work til 2 am... So does that mean he wants me later or what? i'm confused by the last thing you said relationship coach

Relationship Coach: SO in the overall, its just a long con to get me into bed? Honestly, our relationship was going towards being intimate, but he bailed before it did. If he wanted sex...he could have had it if he waited a few more weeks. It was headed that way, I was getting tested, and he had gotten tested. We had the talk about exclusivity...everything was very positive. I do understand if he really wanted me he would have not cancelled plans so easily, I guess I don't get his age matching his actions. So you think he is just screwing some chicks on the side and saving me for the "big con" and will disappear later?? I know enough not to sleep with him now. So that is going to be a long as chase. But here is the thing...he knows he could get me to hang out, but not into bed... Do you think that's what he wanted all along? or do you think he actually could be immature and like me and just playing games because he doesn't want a commitment, and wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants to??

FYI on me and d: im 23 he is 30. went out two months...then poofed stating too many things going on ( sis is gay, living at home, two jobs) everything was wonderful up to that pt. This was in Sept. Treated me like gold. then didnt contact me nor did i for 3.5 months. We were close to...but never had sex. He was willing to wait. Broke up before we did. aNYway, dec.16, he shows up at my work, i manage a restaurant, with his coworkers. we make eye contact and we chat it up. I was flirty and nice, one I was at work, and two I had gotten past my anger. He apogized a dozen times and said his life was crazy when we first went out...Since then he has moved out on his own, got rid of his second job, and is making more money and working less. I said good. i told him I never thought bad things abotu him, and he said he didnt call because I hadnt and then he didnt know what to say. He asked abotu my life, asked if my # was the same, we went over good times, he said we really did have fun together, then he told me he uses the alarm clock I got him everymorning...its an inside joke. So after a while, i excused myself and went to work,,,he stuck around with his cowrkers for another two hours. then when he was leaving..i said fgood seeing you, and he said i will call you and we should hang out. I was like yes. he said why do you always think I wont. I said no i believe you..hugged three times, three very close 2 mouth kisses and he left. He sent me three forwards that week for xmas.... Fast forward to the following fri. His company has xmas party where i work. i oversee parties. I look sexy and hot knowing he will be there. When he gets there...he finds me and kisses me and gives me a bottle of wine for xmas...I smile you shouldn't have. He goes into his party. All the guys are flirting with me and i am like haha D. Anyway, he leaves kisses me on the cheek and says his week is flexible he'll call monday to set up something. i give him a copy of my first cd single and he leaves. He calls me ten min later, and leaves a vm...Really like your song, i want some lyric clarification...I didn't call him back...Calls me again at 8pm. I was working but it was slow, so i picked up...says song is great, asks if work is busy, says he will stop in to pick up some food to go,,,and he wants to see me. Comes in, had had a few drinks, and we sit for a bit. then he goes to leave, hugs me and kisses me. He says I am so sorry, i never wanted to hurt u. I've thought abotu you alot the last four months, i didnt call because I was scared, and that he admires me for following my dreams, that i am a great person, says he wants to see me succeeed and will help me out, he still likes me and asks me out for lunch monday...he says he wants to talk about things. I said ok. we kiss more, and he says see what you are doing to me....referring to a hard on, and I said well too bad you will be going home alone, and he said how could you do that to me. I smirked. we kissed said merry christmas, and i said i would clal him mon morning when i was done with my meeting to set a time. Flash forward mon. Call 10:30am leave vm for him. He calls me at 1pm. Says he went out Xmas night, and slept late and now he has to run some impt errands ( get to a dentist help his grandmother) and that he has to postpone. mind you he was kind of eh about it, not very apologetic. I told him I was busy for the best of the week, and he said "Some thigns never change with me. I'm horrible at making plans, and sticking to them" i was like yup ( he could tell I was disappointed) but I said we are both busy people and i dont have a lot of free time so. FYI: D had problems balancing all the things in his life with hanging out with me and friends so this was not a new scenario...hence why i wasn't breezy about it...mind you he knew this was impt to me...and well dammit he was being a jerk. I told him the only time i could hang out was later that night. and he said "did you leave the whole day open for me?" I said no. Its the day after xmas and i have off. plus i dont make plans on top of plans. He says ok let me go get this stuff done and we can get dinner. I will call you later to set up a time. NEVER CALLS. So i dont know what to think or do? What was the pt? Ideas, comments, help please!!! So I sent him a short email...fun and funny a few days later...he replies..superswamped at work, ill call you later... Anyone know what is going on here? And why he wouldn't even want to meet up when he said he has thought about me for the past four months?? What do I do???

Superdave, Insight please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FYI on me and d: im 23 he is 30. went out two months...then poofed stating too many things going on ( sis is gay, living at home, two jobs) everything was wonderful up to that pt. Treated me like gold. then didnt contact me nor did i for 3.5 months. We were close to...but never had sex. He was willing to wait and get tested for me when I was ready. Broke up before we did. he disappeared in sept stating his life was too crazy and resurfaced two weeks ago...I had made no contact with him for those four months. His friends had come into where I worked and his coworkers, but he never was there. I did know things trickled back to him. aNYway, dec.16, he shows up at my work, i manage a restaurant, with his coworkers. we make eye contact and we chat it up. I was flirty and nice, one I was at work, and two I had gotten past my anger. He apogized a dozen times and said his life was crazy when we first went out...Since then he has moved out on his own, got rid of his second job, and is making more money and working less. I said good. i told him I never thought bad things abotu him, and he said he didnt call because I hadnt and then he didnt know what to say. He asked abotu my life, asked if my # was the same, we went over good times, he said we really did have fun together, then he told me he uses the alarm clock I got him everymorning...its an inside joke. So after a while, i excused myself and went to work,,,he stuck around with his cowrkers for another two hours. then when he was leaving..i said fgood seeing you, and he said i will call you and we should hang out. I was like yes. he said why do you always think I wont. I said no i believe you..hugged three times, three very close 2 mouth kisses and he left. He sent me three forwards that week for xmas.... Fast forward to the following fri. His company has xmas party where i work. i oversee parties. I look sexy and hot knowing he will be there. When he gets there...he finds me and kisses me and gives me a bottle of wine for xmas...I smile you shouldn't have. He goes into his party. All the guys are flirting with me and i am like haha D. Anyway, he leaves kisses me on the cheek and says his week is flexible he'll call monday to set up something. i give him a copy of my first cd single and he leaves. He calls me ten min later, and leaves a vm...Really like your song, i want some lyric clarification...I didn't call him back...Calls me again at 8pm. I was working but it was slow, so i picked up...says song is great, asks if work is busy, says he will stop in to pick up some food to go,,,and he wants to see me. Comes in, had had a few drinks, and we sit for a bit. then he goes to leave, hugs me and kisses me. He says I am so sorry, i never wanted to hurt u. I've thought abotu you alot the last four months, i didnt call because I was scared, and that he admires me for following my dreams, that i am a great person, not man like me, he still likes me and asks me out for lunch monday...he says he wants to talk about things. I said ok. we kiss more, and he says see what you are doing to me....referring to a hard on, and I said well too bad you will be going home alone, and he said how could you do that to me. I smirked. we kissed said merry christmas, and i said i would clal him mon morning when i was done with my meeting to set a time. Flash forward mon. Call 10:30am leave vm for him. He calls me at 1pm. Says he went out Xmas night, and slept late and now he has to run some impt errands ( get to a dentist help his grandmother) and that he has to postpone. mind you he was kind of eh about it, not very apologetic. I told him I was busy for the best of the week, and he said "Some thigns never change with me. I'm horrible at making plans, and sticking to them" i was like yup ( he could tell I was disappointed) but I said we are both busy people and i dont have a lot of free time so. I told him the only time i could hang out was later that night. and he said "did you leave the whole day open for me?" I said no. Its the day after xmas and i have off. plus i dont make plans on top of plans. He says ok let me go get this stuff done and we can get dinner. I will call you later to set up a time. NEVER CALLS. So i dont know what to think or do? What was the pt? Ideas, comments, help please!!! Sorry for the length...im treading water people...