godblessme

I got married a year ago and felt the same way you did...this man is wonderful, he treats me well, loves me, would be a great father, we have the same religious backgroud and beliefs - all the important things where there..right!? Or at least I was telling myselft that. Now the small issues are getting bigger and personality difference seem to be a bigger issue. He is a stay at home guy - I am a go out have fun girl. I am good with money. He doesn't know what a checkbook is... I have to do all these things that I would have hoped my husband would do. I feel like the man. I knew that it would be this way...just not as bad. I thought it would be ok - because all the important things were there...but were they?? Relationships are never as perfect as the MOVIES but you have got to go with your feelings - dont be afraid which ever way they lead you.

Good quesiton. Before we got married he mentioned a few times that when we have kids he wants me to stay home. He felt that to be important. Naturally, I was pleased because I too feel it is important to be home with the kids until they reach a certain age. Now that we are married, I often wonder -how is going to make the possilbe. He doesnt' put any extra time into work. On his income alone we could never afford 'a' house and rasing a child. So what he says sounded great - but I am not seeing how he is trying to make the possible. So I stay late at work - striving to learn more, take on more responsiblity, get a pay increase... and then start to get a thought in my head like - maybe he should be the one to stay home with the kids...but thats not they way I have always pictured it. I am scared. Sometimes I think our differences are too big and we will always struggle because of that. I always said - when I get married it will be once - no matter what I will make it work - It not fair -is it- to ask him to become someone he is not - to try to change a person so much so that they themselves become unhappy (because thats what I think is happening). How do you know when, in a relationship, that both are having to comprimise so much so to make the other person happy that inturn they themselves become unhappy. Does that make sense - the things I ask of him I feel will make him unhappy and the things that he asks of me - I know make me unhappy. When is it too much? lost - confused - tired - sad - mad -

Wow - P really hit that one on the head. I wish every guy out there could read the advice he has given to you. As a women - married - every women wants those things in a relationship. More importantly - to have a successful marriage those things MUST be present... Control - confidence and challange..... Good luck -

Thank you for your advice - I know that harsh words are not a postive way to lead him in the right direction - or to help him be somebody - he wants to be. I think no matter what relationship people are in- you will never find someone perfect. If this is my only complaint about my relationship than I should consider myself lucky and I do. With saying that - I need something from this relationship that honestly I fear he is unable to give. Now I would never say that to him...but I feel that way and often think it and feel that because I can not say that to him that I am not being open or helping our relationship. It is important to me too that he is happy - he believes in marriage and not divorce...so I feel like even if he was miserable he would never do anything about it...

We have known each other for a while - tried dating in highschool and college but the distance then was too big of a strain for us - meeting again 3 years ago at my sisters wedding - it just seemed so perfect! Shortly after my sisters wedding he moved in with me and a year later we were engaged and now married- it all happened very quickly - it all felt so right. In many ways he is the "women" of the relationship and I the "man" - I worry about providing for our future more....more than he. He is laid back, caring, sensitive...me I am uptight, worried about having enought money for a family..and yes sometimes maybe verbally abusive. I can see it - and I don't like who I am - I never wanted to be the "man" of the relationship or the one to have to worry about everything...but I do because I know he won't. He has had a pretty easy childhood- parents always providing for him...then me -moving into my house... I do love him - I wish he would want to provide for me and us and our future...how do you ask that of somebody who has never had to do that for himself?

I got married nearly 6 months ago and it has been very difficult and I feel like its not him...its ALL me. I love him and miss him when is is gone (which isn't very often). We work together and pretty much do everything together. For the past several months I am finding myself saying very hurtful things to my husband. Things that I know are hurting his feelings and maybe scaring our relationship forever. Knowing this and thinking about this, I still can't help myself from saying hurtful things... Basically I am unhappy in our relationship and not sure why ?? It is because I thought marriage would be different? Is it because I thought he would provide for me more? Is it because I we are too different? But then wasnt' it our difference that brought us together?? Oh goodness, listen to me. I just don't know. What I do know is that he loves me and would do and does anything for me. If I don't figure it out I know I will push him away... please help...is it always this hard in the beginning?