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reelingfromthehurt

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  1. reelingfromthehurt
    peterrabbit-- i guess i just had to try it my way, eventhough everyone said NC or bust. i know it's not going to be easy to be strong but hey, i think i'm stronger than i give myself credit for.... i just hope he misses me. i know we have so much to work through, but last night when he called me (prior to me sending the text telling him not to anymore) i realized we were in the same relationship--he was still cranky with work, snapping at traffic and me, me feeling unimportant and craving more, etc. i just knew i couldn't move on if we continued pretty much sleep walking through the motions of our old relationship, except without him giving me anything to feel good about. i guess i need to let my heart be broken, protect it, and see what happens. you're input really does help. this is going to be hard but i have lived through worse things. perspective, right? i just don't want to be the crazy-hanger-on-er. you said it gets easier and i believe you.
  2. reelingfromthehurt
    so after the nice dinner i realized i have no choice but to have no contact with him. i talked to him tonight and felt a rush of bad feelings coming back and realized i, in fact, was far from moving on and he was already moving. i don't have it in me to do anymore chasing so i texted him and told him to not call me unless he wants to talk about working on us or if he wants me in his life--as more than just a chum. i can't talk to him every night and hear about his day and tell him about mine without wanting some sweet, intimate conversation as well. i think that this is me deciding i am not going to just take whatever i can get from him--that i deserve to be with someone who wants me instead of me just settling for scraps. this is hard but i'm really trying to consciously turn off my feelings for him. i just can't bear the distraction and the wondering..... i guess NC is the only way to go after all. i was stupid to think that being pals would let me back into his heart. he knows how i feel. he's just not that into me and i need to accept that and grow a spine. i guess i'm relieved but at the same time it makes the breakup so much more cemented and now i have to face it. no one said endings were easy, right?
  3. reelingfromthehurt
    i'm not being ultra-hopeful but i'm happy that we had a nice interaction. didn't feel heavy or forced. i want to keep it that way. he knows i love him and want him back, if he feels like he wants me too, then we can talk about it, right? thank you again for all your help.... it really does help.
  4. reelingfromthehurt
    well, guess what. we had dinner. he came to my house. we went to our favorite restaurant. engaged in pleasant conversation. etc. he was tired, he's leaving tomorrow morning for work again, but he said it was really nice seeing me and that he had a lovely time. i didn't cry. i didn't want to cry. he even came in and fixed my computer for me. it was really nice. we talked about old times. we talked about his life, my life. not our relationship. at the end of the evening i said to him, "you know, it's weird not kissing you anymore." and then he leaned in and kissed me. and then he kissed me again. he left and said, "i'll talk to you later. good night, sweetheart." now, is that such a bad thing?
  5. reelingfromthehurt
    ouch. why does he call me if he's not interested? and ask what i've been doing, who i've been seeing? i am not supposed to answer his calls? you're right, if he was into me he'd have taken me to the wedding, the reunion, showed up at my place tonight with a kiss or whatever. i'm stuck. i'm afraid if i totally ignore him he'll just go away. i'm tired of doing all the work though and obviously that didn't work before. it just left me empty and needy. i'm not a used car salesman, i don't need to try to sell myself to him. he should know what i'm worth and i should to. i know i don't want to be his buddy and sit around and drink beer. i want to get my master's, i have an awesome condo, i have a few close good friends, i'm healthy, attractive, smarter than the average bear.... i just feel that needy girl saying, "why would he not want me?" i have been working on me. working out, staying fit, eating good, working hard on my papers, etc. i guess that's a start, right? but NC....no response to his texts? his calls? really? this will make him see what he's missing? jeezus....
  6. reelingfromthehurt
    but your email was good. and it was above the call of duty to help his friend. if he doesn't see what a good catch you are, he'll one day regret it. isn't it hard to think about totally moving on though? makes me nauseated to think of kissing someone else....
  7. reelingfromthehurt
    i think you said what you needed to say. it's so hard to wonder, wait and speculate. i just try to play the strong card like, "yeah, i'm doing well. i'm tough. blah blah blah." but i still want to be authentic. it's a balance. i guess you have to focus on doing the best to keep yourself balanced. i'm one to talk, since my break up i feel like 2 different people. as long as i don't remain that needy girl i hate....you know?
  8. reelingfromthehurt
    yeah. you're right. i get the feeling that i'm over functioning and over extending myself again. like i did towards the end of our relationship. i guess it's still broken. i mean, i want to put the work and sweat into fixing it, but i can't do it all on my own. really, who wants to be with a man who isn't willing to do the minimum--or maybe the maximum--to keep a good woman? i keep thinking to myself--well, it's his loss. trying to be positive about myself and realistic about the situation. oh man, he just called again. i don't know why he let's me just ramble. i asked him why and he replied, "because you sound happy when you ramble." i told him he could come over and he said he was tired. man.... so much hope but so far from where i wish i was. how are you doing, anyway? thanks for being supportive. it does help.
  9. reelingfromthehurt
    thanks peterrabbit. man. just when you think things are going to get better.... he's supposed to call me later. see, i figure if he wants to call, he can. i'll be damned if i dial his number. i guess that's what NC means to me. Also, if i cry nonstop after he calls i know i should really enfore NC from all angles. if he wants me back, he'll ask, right? he obviously knows my intentions. thanks for your insight. sucks though, right? p.s.-he is a consultant--an engineer.
  10. reelingfromthehurt
    thanks hchild he called me today to tell me that the wedding that he orated went well. he had a good time, etc. he asked what i'd been up to and i told him i went out friday and didn't go out last night. pleasant conversation, more or less. i didn't cry. i did tell him i missed him. he really didn't say anything in response. i mean, it's not like he ever really talked about missing me before or that kind of thing. so i didn't write about it earlier but on thursday, before i was going to be all strictly NC i texted him that i wanted to talk in person. i mean, we haven't seen each other in a few weeks. anyway, i told him that i wasn't going to lie, that i want him back and that i want to have dinner with him next week. he responded a simple "ok." does that mean that he is considering resuming a relationship? what do you think?
  11. reelingfromthehurt
    today was excruciating. does no contact really work? i swear, i miss him so much and i know that i'm being completely stupid and relatively self-destructive. i just want him to call me and say he loves me. wake up tomorrow and everything is okay again. i was being so strong. text messaging is the devil, i tell you.
  12. reelingfromthehurt
    i hate the waiting game. i'm turning in my chips and letting my ex decide if he wants to wait for me..... what's with all the 'space' that dudes need? i swear it's a pathetic excuse to get to go out and do what ever they want and keep you towing the line. i don't know about you, but i'll be damned if i am some jerks yo-yo. but don't i know that letting go and moving on feels like it just might do me in....and late at night and right when i wake up it hurts the most. we'll be okay though, i think.
  13. reelingfromthehurt
    jenny-- thanks for the advice. yeah, he's 28, i'm 26. i am not into the getting drunk with the buddies thing and now that all his friends are getting engaged and married i have a feeling he will tire of that whole scene as well. the wedding is tomorrow. feels weird to not be attending with him, but really i'm trying to think of it as his loss. anyway, you're right. it's all about rebuilding my neglected social relationships. i plan to do that. going out tonight. thanks for the insight about how things were and how they became--good to pushing me away resulting in clingy girl syndrome. i have to work on strengthening myself for me--feeling more confident and definitely shedding the needy annoying thing. as i said before, i'm going to do my best to move on. it's just going to be difficult. i really did want this one to work. i guess only time will tell. at least time will heal. thanks again.
  14. reelingfromthehurt
    thanks. yeah, sometimes things seem clearer when you step away from it. he text messaged me today about the wedding stuff (which is tomorrow, btw) and i didn't reply. i don't plan on replying, calling, or picking up the phone when he calls for quite some time. he wants to meet up next weekend, but i don't know if i'm feeling up to it. tonight i'm going out with some old friends. i'm 26 and in nursing school and very busy so maybe i'll just plan on staying that way for a while (extraordinarily busy that is). thanks for your advice!
  15. reelingfromthehurt
    thank you. when i read back over the long-winded recount of our relationship, it makes me nauseated. i think that i put up with a lot of crap, that i behaved as "that needy girl" that i never wanted to be again, and that it would probably be in my best interest to avoid him--like you said--and see if he bothers calling or cares..... i have my issues. he has his. i can't change him. i know this. i guess i'm going to continue to go to the gym, take care of myself, study for my nursing school semester finals, focus on my life. thanks for your advice. i think that he should have to get a feel for a life without me. and i should decide if i actually want one with him (or maybe i'm just feeling rejected right now). thanks.
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