mayflower28

Been dating a guy from an app for 4 and a half months. He was showing consistent interest & we went out often. He always texted me a lot, wanted to talk on the phone, initiated dates & hangouts. Didn't immediately pressure me to sleep with him. We had similar interests & passions, like an ideal match. He said he'd be open to a threesome but dropped the topic and apologized after I said I wasn't into that. We started hanging out more at his place, slept together after 2 months (my 1st time). Introduced me to his friends & one day asked for a relationship, I agreed. He said he'd never felt so good with anyone before. He added he wouldn't cheat on me so it seemed like an exclusive deal. Over time he started showing red flags and I started to pick fights as he often travelled with his friends without me & made excuses. Sometimes he behaved in a disrespectful way and tried to show he was better than me in some areas. He mentioned he wants to travel to a small town by the seaside with his friends in the summer for 2 weeks & they'll go to a club like they do every year. I wanted to be included, especially after I heard 'a club and drinking' which is a good occasion to cheat. Also, leaving his gf for 2 weeks? Too long for me. Recently we had an argument (one of many). I said he should compromise & take me with him for the holiday or not go. He disagreed & said we're not together, that I'm not his girlfriend but we're 'dating' & we're not officially a couple since we haven't had that talk & because I don't trust him at all. Umm.. he'd asked to be in a relationship first.. I thought everything was official. He said I was too controlling & that I always have pretences & don't care about him. He said we were not close enough to be bf/gf as we didn't see each other/call/text enough & said he felt uneasy that I treat it as if we're already a boyfriend & girlfriend. He added a girlfriend wouldn't start fights & would ask if he was ok instead. Then he said something awful. I told him if he loved me he'd take me with him & he replied it's too early for him to love yet & he needs time. What? Before he asked to be in a relationship and I said 'then let's say we are'. He's been acting like a boyfriend all the way until I started that fight. I was sure we were together. I think around 5 months is enough to know how he feels about me. I don't understand why he said so & I feel very hurt. Was he just trying to break up with me indirectly or did he want to hurt me? I got so upset that I unfriended him on one social media platform. I had asked if it was fwb for him and he didn't say yes, just that according to him we didn't act close enough for him to make it official. I don't know what to do anymore, especially after being told there's no love yet. I left him on read and we haven't contacted each other for a week now.

Actually he asked how my exams went and I responded, then I asked him how he's doing. His replies are really short, it makes no sense at this point. If he asks me something more I'll simply state I'll answer him to that when we meet & I'm gonna leave it at that. I ain't chasing that clown. Men, please for the love of god leave women alone when you don't intend to ask them out again.

Yeah, seems like breadcrumbing. I don't get why people do that, if you're not interested just leave me alone. Attention is fun but honestly it's messed up to use someone for an ego boost if you're not into them.

What's funny is that he has actually messaged me an hour ago. It's still some chit chat though and now I think I should just wait for him to suggest a proper date. However, after all the things you guys have written in here I'm more hesitant to get involved.

Exactly, I want to avoid a situation with him just going with the flow. It's like he would only agree because I asked but I feel if he needs a nudge it's not worth it. I texted him first in the past, it happened twice. So far the effort in texting has been more or less equal. We're both 20. I have gone on a lot of dates but haven't been in a long term relationship yet. He might reach out again or he might not, if he does I'll have to tell myself not to take him seriously and let him prove himself. He knows I'm eager because I literally told him I'll gladly see the photos. Yes, his initial snarky response was weird to me too.

Hi, recently I met a guy on OLD and it's actually the first time I have no doubts that I like the guy and wanna continue seeing him. He asked me out first on the app and he also paid for my meal. He had initiated some calls before the date too but he'd got a little mad when I told him I was busy with exams. He was like 'if you don't have 2 hours to spare we probably shouldn't continue'. I explained to him how much work I had and he understood. Finally the date happened and it went well, we have similar interests and stuff in common. During the date he already mentioned where he would take me on the next. After I came back home he reached out and we had a little chat. A few days later I messaged him asking when he's available for the second date and I mentioned the activity he wanted us to do. He gave me a day, I agreed. The second date was fun too, he paid for both our tickets to the exhibition. Then we went for a walk in the park, sat together and talked. He told me 'we will do this and this' blah blah (as in like future activities after our relationship progresses). He mentioned about me coming over to his house (he didn't say netflix & chill, just kind of had an excuse for an activity we could do together at his place). I know it sounds hookup-like, however I'm not ready to have sex yet, I can kiss but not more. As for physical contact we only hugged and held hands so far. I'm still okay with the idea of coming over though, since I could just refuse and say I'm not ready yet in case he tries some moves. Right after that last date I texted him and he asked how I was doing etc. A few days later he texted, telling me he was on a trip, again asked me how I was. He mentioned in his texts 'when we see each other I will show you the photos from my trip' and I was like 'oh yes, I will also show you the photos from one of my past trips, it was so beautiful there'. Then we had a little more exchange and I had nothing to add so our conversation stopped. My concern here is that everything seems great but after he reached out with these texts like 5 days ago I haven't heard from him. He has mentioned future activities which is a good sign, but I'm just wondering why he hasn't asked me when I'm free to come over, since last time I was the one to make the 2nd date happen by asking when he's available. Does he want me to chase him now, so putting the ball in my court? Should I initiate a text about concrete plans or is he not interested enough to make it happen? I really rarely initiate texts by myself because I'm not sure if he's all that into me. It just makes no sense that he would talk about what we will do so many times and yet not step forward to actually make it happen and try to 'bait' me instead.