sislee20

HI there

  This may up set some people but so be it. What your girlfriend has done is consider cheating. Cheating doesnt have to be sex, kissing ect.... She broke trust and boundaries that truely build a relationship and once those are gone so is the relationship. And i am sorry you are going through this and should not be. She should be grown woman and be by her self until she knows what she wants in life rather then drag peoples heart around. Wish you the best  

Love please let me tell you that you are way to precious to be putting your sel fthrough this crap. And you and only you uar eallowing this to keep happening. First and for most you need to tell him that you know an dyou also need to tell himto get his crap and get the hell out. You rigjt now are living as a single parent and aere doing it all along as it is, so why keep the extra baggage, at this point in your life you have no need for him, you clean, cook, take care of kids, work, pay all the bills while he uses you and feeds you lines of bull crap just to keep you hooked so you dont leave. Him juping all over you cause your on your phone is because he knows he is doing this wrong and thats his concirnce getting to him. A cheater will blame you while they are doing the cheating, on top of the lies and BS crap of how your beautiful and only wants you mean while he is tellign everyother woman is with the same crap and sleeping with them then coming back to you. Come on queen you have to now you are worth so much more then that. Why are you allowing a nasty dog to do that to you. Who care syou have kids, you stay witrh someone that is that maniputlative just becaue you have kids. Do you want them grwoing up thining that show their mother should be treeated and dont no if they are boys or girls. BUt if boys they see their dad doing that crap and they think thats how they should treat  woman and kids when they have them or for gilrs to think its okay for man to treat them the same way. You have got to want better for your self and the kids. Get rid of the trash and you an dthe kids will be so much happier. I promise i have been there and love the new me. wish you luck 

sadly there are way to many lies for you to be aboe to get over it would always be in the back of your head. So very choice asking him to leave, You seem to have your head on right and moving in the right places, dont down grade your self for someone who is a mess. There will be someone diy that will see all the good you have to offer and would never think about lying to or braking trust. Keep doing great and your awesomme for not settleing for someone like that  

you most certainly can get PTSD from any thing it doesnt  just have to be from being in the armed forces by any means. PTSD comes from alot of things and i didnt know this until i left a bad marriage and eneded up going to counceling and they are the ones who pointed out that i have PTSD from years of many bad things in my ex marriage but any ways have you tried talkng to him about the conerns you are having? 

 What did you like about the time alone?

It sounds like this is int gonna work for you. You almost come across as if you want your cake and it eat to ou tline. And that is absolutly fine reach for the stars if thats what you want to do. But you may not always fine all 101 things that your looking for in a woman. It doesnt seem like you two ever had a fireword stage and that is also rare. If your not feeling anything for her and only accept her comany when your time is open. Doesnt seem fare to her and i would be highly open with her. Maybe you two can remain friends but this doesnt seem like the right relationship for you and that is okay. You would be off being single lthen always wondering if you settle because you didnt want to be alone. And then beat yourself up later. And making her feel unwanted and you being standoffish is not fare to her as well. And FYI you dont always have to same the interest to spend time together. My boyfriend have a some what big age gap so are interest are not the same at time and some times they are but even when we are together but both are doing different things we are still spending together, we are sharing are company with one another and then we will talk to eachother about what we are doing and that keeps the connection there. And yes it could still beway to early to know this for sure. You two are still just getting to know eachother and open to one another, Im sure yu guys havent reached the point were you two can be your full self around one another. You maybe over thinking and now that it is stuck your head you cant unthink it type thing. But i truely think you r best thing to do is talk to her about it, you said your communication is great so go for it, who knows she maybe thinking the same thing as you and doesnt know to react on it. good look with every thing 

this was some what sad ro read but this is the world we live in where others use others for convenience. And that is what she is doing my friend souly just using you at the time being. She knows when she calls you are going to pick up and be there for what ever she may need at that time. She is way to immature and isnt ready for commit to anything. You kinda need to cut ties with this one for your own mental well being. 

I feel you did the right thing by not staying with him. People with childern are a complete package deal, its not one or the other, so you would have to love all of him and that mean sthe child as well. So telling him how you feel was the right thing to do. And not for nothing as parents with kids and arent with the kids other parent are some what use to the fact that not ever one could play step parent role and end up ending relationships do to that. But by all means stay in contact and be friends but dont take it any further unless you can like her as much as him.  

Hi there 

 This behavor seems very off to me and too you as well. It maybe sounds like he maybe be in a relationship with someone else, I am not trying to jumo to anything just what it sounds like. Are you 100% he doesnt have a girlfriend?

Have you tried to call him on his normal number? If not i would start there and if he answers I would flat out ask him what the deal is. If he doesnt answer the call I would give it a couple of days and if he doesnt return the call I would remove him from your life. 

i believe you could make accommodations for her to still be apart  of the family since that is all she has and you didnt split on bad terms. And not for nothing it would be really healthy for the KIDS to see you all still doing things together. As if its not confusing enough for them to see their parents still living together but not together with other partners under the same roof dont confuse them any more then they are. And at the end of the day its your childern you need to make happy not your girlfriend. And if your girlfrind and wife are living under the same roof now they must get along some what so why would it hurt your girlfriend to have your wife at family gathers bunless she is jealous or worried that your wife will still take to wife more her. You do have your self in one big pickle jam my friend. Do the right thing for kids no one else. 

4 hours ago, jessb86a said:

Thanks for this! My boyfriend has always wondered if he has ADHD, but never got diagnosed. I had no idea that could be affecting his memory! I don't really know the signs or symptoms. Thanks for sharing your experience! 

so there are so many signs that come with ADHD and it could very from person to person. Like i said ,y boyfriend has it really bad and I also have it and have had it since i could recall. BUt with him he forgets stuff daily myself i have learned to drill things into my head so i dont for get  them. But maybe sit down with him and go online there are check list you can use to breakdown his signs and if you both feel its something he may have he could always go talk to someone. I wish you both the best. 

On 12/23/2021 at 2:13 AM, SarahM832 said:

Last year, I divorced my ex husband after 16 years of Marriage. I have a 15 year old son with him and its been a tough year for the both of us. During this time, I mainly spent alot of time with my trainer at the gym that I go to. Fast forward a few dates later and we're officially in a relationship. I really like this guy, he's so supportive and sweet. Only problem is that he is only 24 and I just turned 40. My worry is that people will constantly stare at us or judge our relationship. How do I try to make this work?

Hi there hope all is well. 

 So coming from a very Similar Situation i was married for a with my husband for a 11 years have been apart for over year. I wasnt looking but kinda happened thing. And before i knew i was dating this amazing guy i am 36 and he is 25. I will tell you he is the best guy i have ever met. We got some *** from people at first but we laughed it off. But we are truly happy and just adore one another. 

 So if you guys are truly happy nothing else matters. Let people look, let them talk and smile as they do cause you know what they say isnt going to impact they happiness you to bring together. Go ahead with your bas self momma. wish you all the best 

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Absolutely. As long as he's cool hearing about her dating life or her plans for who she'd like to date, who she is crushing on, etc -that's part of friendship.  Certainly if she was  the sort who said ""friends first and hopefully we'll progress to dating" that would be one thing.  She didn't say that.  His motive would be with the hopes she'd change her mind -her motive would be simply to have another buddy because she's made it clear she doesn't want to date him.

well maybe i misunderstood soem of what he said. But i guess maybe he could wait around for her to change her mind and heart be okay with hearing all that stuff or if it got to that point of her leaning on him for other relationship advice he would need to walk away from that all around his feeling were to deep. if all that makes since lol 

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

I see...

From what I googled, they look at the highest earner and determine it. It doesnt matter how much, even in USA very little percentage of people earns 100k. But you can be sure that even those people who dont earn that much, also pay alimony, or maintenance in NY case. For example if judge decides you are in need of money more then him as he got the house(dunno why you waved that) and better financial position, he would have to pay. 

But you will first need to consult good family law lawyer. Many of them would maybe do a consultation for free. Then you can see your options and what you can do after. 

Ok yes thank you i also did some deep research after replying to you. It looks like this may be a long road ahead of me. And i guess i better get a  seat belt lol And unfortunately i make more then him but pay more in bills where i have moved to. And he has no retirment funds or anything he choice not to work much through or marriage while at times i worked 2 jobs (stupid me) Maybe he knew what he was doing all along and i was just blind 🫢 Thank you for also lokking into that for me 

32 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I don't know if you passed the 10 year mark of marriage or not. But if not and you have retirement funds or a pension, you're screwing yourself if you live in the U.S. if you don't divorce before the 10 year mark. Because then he will get half of your pension and half of your retirement funds.

Giving him all that (house, etc) hasn't had the effect you likely foresaw--that he'd stop harassing you or leave you alone. It sounds like that legally wasn't done, so if I were you, in the divorce proceedings, I'd try to get half of the house. Either it must be sold and you get half the equity, or he has to buy you out.

Possible ways to pay an attorney? Borrow from TSP funds. Sell your jewelry. Start scrimping by no longer eating at restaurants, paying for cable, downsizing a cell phone plan. Make a budget and see where you can cut back in order to save for an attorney.

I'm sorry you're dealing with a jerk ex. I went through a stressful divorce many years ago, so I empathize. I wish you luck.

we are pass the the 10 year mark FML lol. good thing i dont have a pension and i used most of my retirment to move out and start over. The effect of just giving him everything wasnt in hopes he would leave me alone i knew that wasnt gonna happen hes crazy. I gave him everything to save my mental health but i knew a couch and tv could be replaced. I already live by the bare minium as it is. The cost of living in ny is crazy so going through crap you really dont have extra money for the high life lol. And i hope all worked out with you and divorce an dthank you for the advice. 

14 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dunno how it goes where you are from, but lawyer is your best chance. Good family law lawyer. Your husband wont just sign divorce so that means that you would at least have somebody to mediate in the form of judge probably. So, that probably means court dates. It shouldnt be too hard as he cant make you stay in the marriage and you are already separated for years. But it would cost you a thing or two, sadly. 

Edit Also, you have a stay away order but how did you separate kid(s) and other stuff? You do know that you are obligated on alimony or even maybe a part of his house you left? That should rattle his cages a bit when it comes signing a divorce.

So we are here in ny and in ny it is a no  fault state. And alimony but they call it maintanance here. It is really hard to get in ny i believe you have to make around or over 100k a year and have so much in 401k and saving which he has none of them. And with the stay away order he still gets to see our son. But on his days our son takes the bus to his place and my days i pick him up from school and no weekend exchanges. And its sad i dont even want half of the house i just want my since of piece back. lol 

7 minutes ago, Coily said:

I too would encourage you to look at a paralegal, however if your "husband" wants to contest things and especially as there is a custody issue I think you will need a lawyer. As the previous legal aid failed to even address you, I would suggest looking to a women's shelter for guidance in finding legal help. It may take time and a lot of calls, but there is very likely a good lawyer who you can afford willing to take your case.

Best of luck, it's going to take a lot of patience from the sounds of it.

Thank you so much for the advice. That is some more stuff i can look into and good thing i was made with a little extra patience. 

On 1/21/2023 at 6:30 PM, RSSR said:

A long post, as I feel the details matter. Thank you for reading.

I met a girl at work mid-November, and there was an instant bond and a strange connection (interests, past experiences, worldviews, past relationships, etc). She takes initiative, and in no time we are texting all the time, sharing our daily lives, having nicknames for each other, etc. All good.

Mid-Dec - she suggests we meet outside work. So we go to dinner, have a walk afterwards, all great, I say it feels like more than friendship, and she says she feels the same, but we should let things take their own course (give it time, in other words).

A few days later, I cook her dinner at my place, she meets my family, brilliant. nothing physical though. She says we should repeat when she comes back from her trip ( with her best girl friend to her gf's family). We stay in touch while there, have a video call, she sends photos, all good...

Last week, she comes back, immediately ask if I want to go to the office with her, but then some distance at work begins... and it remains throughout both days we are at work. Still, I find some chance to ask if we should go somewhere for the weekend, she eagerly says yes. I sense something is not right, but that's good, I am encouraged.

I call her last saturday, long story short, the day ends with our phone talk that she always saw it as friendship, that she feels totally confused, unready to open herself to anyone, and that she felt as if she was drowning when I told her how I felt about her (that was after she declined the dinner invitation, and told me it was friendship) as she is unable to deal with her or other people's emotion.

Still, we meet a couple of days later, as I had a small gift for her. The gift was received with absolute joy, and acknowledgement it was special, she said she loved me from the start, but something was not triggered in her to consider a relationship with me.

THINGS TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT:

She is 27yo, had two long relationships, both ended with her being cheated on and humiliated.

Generally were reserved with her emotions, afraid and unable to express them, even in relationships

Due to her partner cheating on her, she has a mental issue where she connects sex with the image of her partner cheating on her (that happened a year ago). Has not been intimate with anyone in the past year.

I initially said I couldn't be friend with her, not because of the ego but as I would find it difficult given the strength of my feelings. She proposed we remain in touch, keep going to work together, and be friends... In the meantime, I decided it was selfish and counter-productive to simply disappear from her life and in the past five days I have invited her and a few other colleagues for a little sit down party at my place next week, signalling I am staying in her life, in town (it was supposed to a temporary arrangement anyway), at work, etc.

TL;DR

What do you guys think I should do from here and does it even sound probable that she indeed saw it as friendship? Do I take it slow, allow time and patience, especially as she now knows exactly how I feel? It seems to me she either got scared, had a change of heart, is buying time. I wouldn't mind accepting or considering there is someone else, but from everything she told me, relationship is the last thign on her mind right now.

THANK YOU.

Okay to me she sounds like she may confused on her feeelings. And as she has been hurt before is going to be stand offish cause of not wanting to be hurt again and no blame there cause that crap sucks. But if you like that much you will take it slow for her and remain friends to let her know your there and arent going any where but at the same time do not shut your self off completely to any one else that may see more in you. So i guess what im saying dont stop living your life because she unsure of her feelings. 

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I used a paralegal. The whole thing cost $300, which my husband had to pay half of. However, mine was uncontested so I'm not sure how that works.

Thank you very much I am absolutley gonna look in the paralegal stuff. 

5 hours ago, SunshineBaby7 said:

If enough time and distance has passed, I don’t see any reason why you can’t “move on”. You mentioned that you have a “stay away order” on your husband. I would imagine you could file something for divorce on your own and then they will set a court date, hopefully he doesn’t show up and they grant your divorce and any other request you put in paperwork. It sounds like a control issue, maybe if you file yourself, he can get an attorney and you just appear on your own behalf. It’s not like there is anything to fight over, other than visitation and keeping what you left with when you both split up.

 

Thank you for the advice.

  So the courts here are putting the stay away order in a family a fence case along with custody and said i would have to keep the divorce separate. And yes i literally dont want to fight over any thing with him. The only things left at the house is my departed dads stuff that he is holding and wont let me have.  So yes its very much about control with him and always has been. 

HI all let me start by saying you guys are wonderful. 

 So long story made short. I have been away from my husband now for about 2 years. It was a hard marriage of 9 years. Since then i have started to date someone and he is wonderful an dsaving grace may i say. I told my self when i left my husband i would never date again or anything then this wonderful person came along. But at the end of the day i am still legally married and it ways on my shoulders all the time. It wasnt a good a marriage and i have a full stay away order on said husband. I have tried to file for divorce and i am told i need a lawyer and as we all know they are not cheap. I called legal aid in hopes they could help and they said the could not help me due to the fact that they represented my husband in the past. And it would conflict of interest err I feel stuck and I feel like i cant have full healthy relationship with new botfriend and move foward completely with this waying on me. He knows the whole situation and is completely understanding of everything. 

 And please i dont need to hear i shouldnt of started a new  relationship without getting fully divorced. it wasnt planned just something that happened and i dont regret  it not one bit. 

Does  any one know of any other way i might be able to get legal help, i tryied doing uncontested divorce but said husband wants to fight over everything and let me say i have gave him everything, the house and eveythign with it, atvs and camper i left with personal items and half of kids belongings so not sure what eh wants to fight over, and he will not file although he can get the legal help. I feel like its another way of him beign able to control thing. Help please 

On 1/21/2023 at 7:46 AM, jessb86a said:

Hi everyone, 

So, obviously I was on here earlier in the week to seek advice for my jealousy around a friend/co-worker and my boyfriend. A lot of the responses were very helpful and I decided it may be that I need to work on my own issues. So, I managed to get booked in with a therapist today and had my first session 😊. 

I told my boyfriend mid-week that I had my first session today and he seemed pleased for me. We didn't discuss at length, but I explained the kinds of things I might bring up about my self-worth etc. 

Anyway, neither of us have discussed it since, but he completely forgot I had the appointment. He had messaged about other things, but has forgotten that. This is not the first time he has done this. He always goes on about how bad his memory is and I know he forgets things that other people tell him so I can sort of let some stuff slide. But I would've thought that he would know this was important to me and remembered so he could ask how it went? 

Hi there again.

 I am so happy you went to talk to some one  on your  own issues. So my boyfriend has the same issue he cant rememeber nothing to save his life and some things he does remember i say but you can recall this omg lol. So my boyfriend has ADHD pretty bad an di know that is a big cause of his forgetfulness, not sure if your boyfriend has ADHD or not but if so thta could play a really big roll in it. Also most men do forget things and i dont think hey do it intentionally. And or he could have thought it was personal and didnt want to over step. But you may want to bring it to him and say maybe something along the lines of this is really important to me and it would mean alot to me if you could show some interest in it, cause your input means alot to me. Also my boyfriend I use google calendar and one of us have a important thing we wat the other to remember we share the day with one another. And his whole family does it with him cause how bad his memory is lol. its worth giving it a try. wish you the best. 

On 12/16/2022 at 10:44 AM, Looktothesky said:

I’m really struggling in my life and I feel like the help I’m getting just can’t come soon enough.

I feel isolated from my immediate family - I feel like we are all isolated from each other. My dad passed about two years ago. I really miss him, but the more I’ve been reflecting on my life the more I feel upset with him. I was scared of him growing up because he’d become easily irritated and the mood would stick. When I was in middle school, something happened and he said that if I didn’t pull my head out of my ass they’d have to take me to a psychiatrist. I feel so upset because that was clearly what I needed, and after that I was made to feel ashamed about that. I have no doubt he loved us, and he did so much for us. But he wasn’t perfect. I feel angry with him, almost like he’s responsible for the way my family is.

In high school I would skip lunch every day because I was too anxious to try and sit with anyone if I didn’t know anyone. Eventually I grew apart from anyone I did know in high school and just had nobody. I never told my parents about that. I told my mom yesterday, and she was heartbroken to hear it.

I haven’t made any new close friends since graduating college almost 9 years ago. I’ve just been in relationships since then. I miss what it feels like to have friends I can do any random stuff with, and to laugh til I cry. I don’t know where to even start since it seems like people in their 30s already have that part of their life established. And my social anxiety makes it hard for me to even try.

Over the years since graduating I developed a bit of a drinking habit. I can easily go days without drinking, but when things get tough I’ve tended to throwing myself a pity party and drinking alone. Today is day 7 of no drinking and it feels good, but I am anxious about the weekend. I am going to a bar with my coworkers today and contemplating whether or not I should have a beer. I’m worried if I do, I’ll think “hey this feels good, I’ll keep it going” and then just drown my sorrows at home. I feel like it’s crucial that I learn how to just sit with these feelings and deal with them with a sober mind. It’s just so much that it exhausts me.

I just get so scared when I’m sitting alone by myself with nothing but my anxiety. I have hobbies and things I enjoy, but lately all it does is remind me of how alone I am. I don’t feel suicidal but sometimes find myself wishing something bad would happen to me so I just wouldn’t have to deal with the pain.

i am in therapy but lately it feels like even a week wait between appointments is too long. Additionally I’m not totally sold on my therapist yet and the idea of having to start over with a new one makes me feel even more anxious. I’m wondering if I need to see a psychiatrist rather than a therapist to see if there is some kind of disorder I’m dealing with. In therapy I sometimes make the mistake of going into whatever is going on in my life currently, while I feel like I need to really dig deeper

I have an appointment with my primary care doctor in mid January to see about starting a new medication for anxiety and depression, but it just feels so far away. I called to see if I could get in sooner but no luck. I just wish this holiday season would be over. And in addition I have more responsibility than I’ve ever had in my career and it’s just taking so much out of me that I can’t take care of myself like I need to.

Hi i hope all is well with you. I wanted to take aminte and say i came across your post and wanted to say i am proud of you for taking steps in the right direction, My dad also passed away 2 years ago so i can connect with you on that. I feel drinking would just cover up what ever pain your feeling in side and when you wake up ir sobor up it will still there with you deal with so you stopping and talking to your therapist is awesome. And i know you said you were not sold on your therapist, is there somethng about he or she you just dont click with? I will be honest i have gone through 3 of them until i found the one i am with now. It is very important to feel a bond with he or she to truely open up to them. so please keep that in mind changing to a new  may not be so bad. hope this helps you a little and all is well. 

On 12/9/2022 at 11:51 PM, girltalkCA said:

I'm a 49 year old lesbian, feeling very frustrated on the verge of hopeless about the dating scene and finding quality people out there. I'm on multiple dating apps, go to Meet Ups and have had several relationships that have all lasted 1-3 years and ended. I'm trying to take some time to be by myself and "date me" so that I don't repeat the same cycle of settling for the wrong woman. I've date avoidant types, bi polar...etc... My friends tell me I am a great person with a lot to offer and I feel the same way, but just haven't been able to find the right match thus far.

Does anyone have any advice or can share their stories with dating and turning things around and find healthier/more compatible matches? 

first off i would like to say i want to say i dont know nothing about lesbian dating but i did come across your post and wanted to say i am super proud of you for taking the time for your self, not to many  people do that and end dragging truma from one relationship to the next. i feel from reading what you said that the right woman will come across and see your worth and be truly lucky to have love her. but once again i really proud of you and wish you the best. 

Girl you need to forget this guy,  he did you a favor by showing you his true colors.  You have done nothing and I mean nothing wrong.  He was the one who cheated us cheated.  Having a sexual conversation with the opposite sex while in a relationship is considered cheating.  From what it sounds like he is a Narcissist and you need to run from him.  He was looking for away of with out being a man about it.  You deserve better and should want better for yourself.  Take the time and work on you and the right man will come along.  Don't ever lower yourself to bring someone else up if it doesn't bother them watching you while you are down.  Good luck love 

First thing first please know your worth and you deserve way better then that.  Secondly I feel that is considered cheating and is not OK.  It's not OK comparing you to another woman is not okay he holds on to pictures of her Anne mostly is not okay he uses her picture for sexual pleasure. And breaking up and getting back together 5 times is well rough.  A ex is usually a ex for reason and that's where they should stay and from what you have said about him he doesn't seem like a very good guy.  You could most definitely find a man that is gonna love you and all of,  and not compare you to another woman.  Some man is waiting to wars the ground you walk on so don't sell your self short for some half as* man that all acts like a boy.  Do your self a favor a leave him and find your self a real man that is just gonna adore your beautiful self. Wish you the best