sislee20

2 hours ago, Andrina said:

Yeah, never make a major decision when one or both lack 100 percent confidence. Better to be tired with a commute than regret decisions made too quickly. You've only gotten out of the honeymoon period, probably 6 or 8 months ago. Get another good year under your belt without moving in together. 

You really should consider your financial goals for the future, longterm. I know you're now renting, but what would be your ideal for yourself? Because I'm assuming you don't want to forever be paying him rent, and then you have zero equity in a home. What would happen if he has a thirty year loan, and you've been with him 29 years and he dies. There's no guarantee he will be leaving you the entirety of his house or half of it. His child might be the sole inheritor of it. And you, who are not a spouse, might find yourself in your old age with no nest egg or place to live.

When you're getting ready to retire, you want your house paid off and only have to pay property taxes and homeowner insurance. You don't want to work full time the rest of your life having to pay high rental fees.

Just some things to think about, because besides romance, you have to ensure your livelihood. You better iron out everything, and make sure his life goals match yours. If he refused to eventually refinance and put you on the deed so you're co-owner, or to buy something new together, it's not in your best interest.

Thank you so much you gave me alot to think about that had not crossed my mind yet

On 1/16/2023 at 3:56 AM, jessb86a said:

I've been in a relationship for almost a year now, but I just can't get past my jealousy and it's causing me some distress as it's getting worse, not better. Me and my boyfriend work together, and we work with mostly women. I am not generally jealous, but there is one co-worker, who is a also a good friend of mine, who I heavily suspect my boyfriend has liked in the past. In the  past, before we were together, I noticed he 'liked' a couple of photos of her in her bikini on holiday, I've seen him look at her for longer than is normal, he's seemed a little 'jealous' of her boyfriend when she got with him and he's always talked highly of her and chatted a lot to her. All of this was before we started dating and it never bothered me. In fact, I didn't think about it until a few months into our relationship, obviously when my feelings were getting stronger. I've started going back and thinking of all the above things I mentioned on a regular basis, convincing myself he used to like and may still have feelings. I have sat him down and talked about my feelings and he assured me he has never thought about her romantically. It reassures me for a few days and then I start getting jealous again, especially if I see him even just glancing at her at work. I saw him look towards the room she works in a couple of times and it made me almost end things, but then I wondered if I'm just being paranoid. Am I just overthinking or am I justified in my thinking? Should I be as bothered as I am?

Always and I mean always follow heart first and for most.. That being Said us as females tend to over think and build a story in our heads and overthink it until we believe What we have built in our head.. I am Speaking from Experience of overthinking. I got so bad with it I had to go see someone to get help with it, dont do that to yourself. secondly always be aware of your Surrounding and pay attention and if you see Something that isn't right you address it. Wish you the best of luck..

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Never never move in if someone is not ready or unsure . 

Thank you for all insight

27 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It sounds like this is more for your and his convenience.  I wouldn't do it unless you are engaged and the wedding is very very soon since you have a child.  I agree totally with Seraphim too.  If you feel drained then get more sleep or drink more water or see each other less until your kids are older.  Prioritize your son - don't subject him to this new living situation with a man you are not married to and who is not his father.  Your son gets along great with her -that's great -it's a whole different thing to live with her and have your boyfriend living with him too.  

we both do not want Marriage at any point.

7 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I think the main motivation in moving in, with all these variables, shouldn't be to lessen that drain but because you both want to be moving forward, and building, a blended family. If that's not the case, the inevitable pitfalls will be hard to manage. 

I moved in with my girlfriend and her similar-aged child three years ago—not the same situation as yours (I have no kids) but maybe related. It's been incredible—not always easy, but everything (and more) that I wanted. Per the above, we were both on the same page in being fully committed to a blended family and going the distance.   

As others have said, I would also give yourself some time to really think through the dynamic of moving into his home—how that will be for you and, most importantly, for your son. Speaking for myself, I found it kind of hard to be on "their" turf, in that it took a good minute for it all to really feel like "ours." As a 40something adult, that was a conscious choice I was able to make, trusting that I could handle a period of adjustment and that my girlfriend child's sense of stability was tantamount.  But had I been a nine year old boy—well, it would have been a lot. 

You guys are still a newish relationship, and a good one, by the sound of it. Approach  this all slowly, with no rush. I'm getting the sense that you don't think him getting rid of his house is an option, but I'd at least put that on the table in a conversation. 

Curious: Have either of your kids asked about this in any way? 

The kids have brought it up as his daughter enjoys me and my Son him. we do have a good strong relationship and I truly Appreciated an the insight and now see we have alot to Still talk about and waiting another year or so would probably be best.

Thank you very much

first and for most you should never Charge who you are for a person. And not talking Major things. Small Changes to build a healthy relationship are key act... Self care, trust building, being more open, fitness. Things like that are key but black carding friends is not healthy for yourself. And anything to do with your past if he truly loves you for you, your past shouldn't matter thats not the Person you are today. Everyone has a past that is what makes us who we are today as long as we are better then we were before. So he should be proud of the person you have become not who you were. And how Many people you have been with before him Shouldn't be a Concern, we call have had Past relationship. It that is a main Concern for him then he has In security issues. And to be honest from what you explained he seems some what Controlling, and that Could be a big red flag. Please remember to be yourself and love who you are today not yesterday...

17 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

All in all, I think you got about this as you are: slowly, carefully, with an open dialogue. You're both understandably concerned about how it will go—so for the time being continue to share those concerns with each other, listen, and come up with ways to face them. What you don't want to do is rush into this. 

Can I ask how old your kids are? Helps for context. 

His daughter is 9 and my son is 8 

3 minutes ago, rsml123 said:

How long have you guys been together?  Did you guys discuss financial arrangements?  When is your new lease due for renewal?  How about ex's visit or their arrangement with your kid and his?

He may be comfortable with the current arrangement so talk about all this in detail.  Perhaps he's not certain of his daughter and your son relationship?  Who knows.  Have a heart to heart talk, including finance and long term arrangement. 

We have been together a year. We have ha e talked about financial agreements if we did make the move. My lease is up in August of this year. I have met his daughter's mom and they have a strong grounded arrangement and so I do with my sons dad. So we have no concerns there. We both are somewhat comfortable with the current situation but it does drain us sometimes with the running back and forth to his place and mine and vice versa. 

I have been dating this guy for about year. He has a daughter and I have son, our kids are the same age. They get along great. We do not live together but spend a lot of time together. Recently we have had small talk about moving in together, more or so I would be moving in with him and his daughter cause I rent a place and he owes his home. Him and I get along great. But we both hate change and over the last year we have met in the middle on a lot things and have made positive changes to our selfs to be good for one another. Now that being said. I am more able to deal with change then he is, his main concern is that he is unsure he would be able to deal with the changes that come with having another kid in the house. He is over worried he wouldnt go about things right and not know how to deal with things. I don't no how to answer these things for him because I also have the same worries when it come to him and us moving in. I know I would be fine with everything it's just him. Any insight on how I should go about it would really helpful.